


Being your sacrifice

by Dawnwolf17, Hauclair



Category: Avengers, Captain America, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Background clintasha later on, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, More tags to be added, Not Superheros, Princes, Royalty, Sadness, alternative universe, kings - Freeform, no actual rape or non con just discussing fears of it, slow -ish burn, smut later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-01-06 01:23:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 85,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12201159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnwolf17/pseuds/Dawnwolf17, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hauclair/pseuds/Hauclair
Summary: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are set to be married tomorrow. They are two princes from two kingdoms- shield, and hydra.Most would see marriage between kingdoms as a blessing, but not these two. They didn’t choose this marriage, they had been forced into it for the sake of their kingdoms.[this is an arranged marriage fic. It’s a roleplay between me and my bud Al, and we wanted to share it with you guys!]





	1. Uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you guys read and enjoy this, me and Al started this not long ago, and fell in love. This is easily my most challenging roleplay I’ve ever done, however it is for sure my most favorite. I hope you guys give it a shot, I’d appreciate any and all comments!   
> This WILL be updated on a regular basis unlike my other fics.  
> Al is Bucky, I’m Steve.

Steve paced the large room he was in, he was set to be married tomorrow. However, there was one problem, Steve had never met his husband before, not even once. Before his father died, he promised his first born child to the neighboring kingdoms young son, that way peace would be kept between both kingdoms. Steve knew from a very young age that he could never marry for love. That was something he despised, he wanted to fall in love, get married, and maybe have a child depending on the gender of his partner, but he would never get that. He would only get a spoiled prince who thought himself better that everyone else, or Atleast that’s what Steve thought.  
——  
James "Bucky" Barnes was not what most people expected of a prince, honestly. He hated formalities, and galas, and all the things that his parents had tried so hard to teach him to enjoy properly, as royalty should. He especially refused to give up his childhood moniker nickname even though he was now an adult, and nothing his parents said could change his mind about that. But one thing that he couldn't fight his parents on was the fact that he was to be married. Tomorrow, to a complete and perfect stranger. He had no idea what this person was going to be like but he was certainly not overly excited to be sharing the rest of his life with some royal prick. He slides down the banister of the long stairway on his ass and lands lightly by the front entrance of his home. "Mother I'm not doing it." He states but the words have been bled dry by now and he'd run out of ways to attempt to convince his parents to drop this stupid arrangement. It was worth a shot anyway. He was paraded through the Castle and lead to where his horse and a pair of guards were waiting on him to take the trip to the next kingdom over- where Bucky's future spouse awaited.  
——  
Steve’s heart was hammering in his chest, he was told by some of his handlers that James was riding in on his horse. That’s when he really started freaking out, he was refusing to go, that is until his mother stepped in and forced him to. Steve walked down their elegant stairs and waited for James in front of the door, straightening his suit as he waited for the knock at the door. He didn’t want this, he couldn’t do this. Marrying a complete stranger, he can’t, this was insane, sure it’s how Most kingdoms survived, but this was never the type of life he wanted. He knew he would be expected to consummate his marriage the next night, and he would just have to force himself to just go through all of it.  
——  
Bucky pulls back on the reigns of his stallion when the castle stood in front of him. The horse kicks up a little fuss at the handling, but Bucky stayed seated firmly on his back. He looks up at the walls and felt his heart sink a bit. He was really here. Miles away from home and about to sign his entire life away, and he had no say in it whatsoever. He kept wishing this was some sort of hyper realistic nightmare that he could just wake up from. But as he slides out of the saddle and his boot Covered feet land on the cobblestone ground, the contents of his stomach nearly joined his boots. He ran a shaky hand through his horse's mane, and wanted to just swing himself back onto his back and run away from it all. Maybe become a nomad. But he couldn't do that. He didn't wish to disappoint his mother and his father would likely just find and kill him anyway if he chickened out like that, so he takes a deep shaky breath and marches forward, shoulders squared and chin up as he stands in front of the door, waiting to be granted access. He didn't know what he was honestly expecting and that somehow made the whole experience a little more terrifying.  
——  
The maid opened the door for James, and finally, Steve caught sight of the man he is to marry. Normally that would make someone feel better, but not Steve, it just made him want to release the contents of his stomach. Steve forced himself forward after a light nudge from his mother, and he stretched his hand out for James to shake “Steven Rogers, from the house of Rogers, kingdom of shield.” Steve introduced himself to his fiancé. Steve looked at James calculatingly, noticing stormy blue eyes, Perfect cheekbones, fluffy dark brown hair, and a cocky smirk on the mans face. Any woman would go crazy for him, Steve thought. While he was upset about the arrangement, he couldn’t deny the simple fact that James was indeed, quite attractive. Somehow that fact made nothing any better for him.  
——  
As soon as the door opened, Bucky's eyes began darting around, evaluating everything around him carefully. His eyes fell on the movement just to his right, and he watched a young blond haired man be pushed towards him. He knew instinctively that he was the man he'd be wed to come tomorrow. The man was attractive at least, but his body language gave the impression of a skittish colt facing down a wolf. At least Bucky was not the only one who was uncertain of this arrangement. He'd admittedly been half afraid he'd end up with an older man that would want to control and ruin him. At least he'd stand a fighting chance against this boy. "James Barnes, house of Barnes, kingdom of Hydra." He introduced himself with a lazy grin that he hoped hid how nervous he was, a slight tremor in his hand when he gripped the other mans. "Pleasure to meet you." He tries for being formal but he just sounded as awkward as he felt.  
——  
Steve licked his lips and glanced downward, “pleasure to meet y-you as well.” Steve said, hating that he stumbled over his words, how stupid could he be? Him and his mother had been going over this, he couldn’t mess this up. Steve looked back at his mother, this would be the last time he saw her until the wedding, and then after that, he had no clue when he would see her next. He moved to give her a hug, and kissed the side of her head before moving back towards James, eyes looking down at the floor. “Shall we go?” He asked quietly and handed his bags over to the the guards to take. He was only aloud 2 bags worth of stuff, his clothes, books, and art supplies, he took nothing else.   
——  
"That would probably be best." He agrees in a tentative voice, eyes glancing to the side where the door was. "Do you have a horse?" He asks, not having seen any mounts waiting to the ready outside. The place they were supposed to stay the night was too far to walk, and James horse was known to attempt to murder anyone who tried to touch him besides Bucky himself. As much as Bucky was not looking forward to this marriage, he still did not necessarily want the boy to die. But the fact that he'd even had to ask something like that, made him realize just how little he knew about the person we was swearing his entire life away to. It scared him deep in his core. Bucky had never been one to like uncertain situations, and this was the worst.  
——  
Steve was admittedly confused by the question, why would he be riding his own horse? “It was my understanding that I would be riding with you. Your father, the king, told us that I was meant to act as a wife...” Steve said in a confused tone of voice, his brow furrowing. “I can walk? It’s not a problem.” Steve ended up telling him, as he did not have his own horse. He was taught to ride when he was younger, but as he got older, he was told he couldn’t ride anymore, he was to submit to his husband, to depend on him.  
——  
Bucky felt anger flare up in his chest when Steve said that. His father could be such a traditional prick in the best of times, and a straight out asshole at the worst. He pinched the bridge of his nose and lets out a long breath. "Later on you're going to have to tell me everything else he told you, because I'm fairly certain it's all bullshit." It may have been poor manners to cuss in front of another kingdoms royalty, but again, James just didn't care much for tradition in any sense. "You can Have one of my guards mounts. I won't make you walk. It's too far. I'd let you ride behind me but my horse is not too kind strangers, and I don't want to get you hurt. If you don't know how to ride I will tether your horse to mine so all you will need to do is hang on and sit still." Bucky had been riding since he was old enough to stand on his own. If he had not been born royalty, he would have some job pertaining to horses, without a doubt.  
——  
Steve blushed when Bucky swore, as he was never aloud to, taught it was disrespectful, and he would be reprimanded if he did so. “I can ride, I did as a child, but I can’t take one of your guards horses... they would be forced to walk then.” Steve told him quietly, he didn’t want to make a bad impression on his new kingdom, by taking their guards horse. “I have no problem walking, I promise.” Steve told him and took his jacket from one of his maids, putting it on so the cold air wouldn’t make him too uncomfortable during the long walk  
——  
"Nonsense. You're a prince, Steve. I think you're allowed to ride a horse." he looks at the guard that had come in with him and he smirks. "Rumlow won't mind walking, will you, Brock?" he asks with a far too confident and smug smirk. He hated Brock and he had the distinct feeling that if the man wasn't being paid so well to keep him alive- he would probably take Bucky out himself.   
Rumlow gave the brunet such a dark glare it was nothing short of a miracle that Bucky didn't just burn on the spot, but he nodded eventually. "Of course not, your highness." he grits out between clenched teeth and a fake smile.   
"Then there you have it. Which horse did you have Brock?" he asks with a gloating voice, happy to hold this over the others head.   
"Striker." the man growls and Bucky laughs quietly.   
"Steve, you'll be riding Striker." he says with authority, before turning on his heel and walking smoothly out of the castle.  
——  
Steve nodded and followed after Bucky to the horses, he was nervous beyond belief to go to a new kingdom.   
Steve mounted the horse he was told would be his, and kept behind James, making sure he was the one leading, as it should be. He didn’t speak as they started to ride, not sure what to say. Steve didn’t want to say the wrong thing and ruin this marriage before it even started, it would ruin his kingdom, very literally. He refused to let his kingdom be turned to ashes.  
——  
Bucky ran his hand soothingly down the flank of his massive black stallion, before jumping smoothly into the saddle with seemingly no effort whatsoever. He made sure Steve was safely on his horse before he started off at a light trot. They'd run the horses pretty hard getting over here to gather Steve, so he was content to let the animals have a break and take their time moving across the landscape now.


	2. Learning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky learn more about eachother on the long ride to the kingdom of hydra.

Bucky kept glancing back over his shoulder to check on how Steve was doing. He wanted to try to Make some form of conversation, just to get to know him a little better before all was said and done, but he couldn't seem to find the words to say. So after a little while of riding in awkward silence Bucky just starts singing, a soft but upbeat tune he liked to sing with his mother when they were riding together.  
——  
Steve smiled when he heard Bucky start singing. It broke the tension that filled the air, and soothed Steve. He started humming along with Bucky, until the song was finished.   
“That was beautiful. Did you have formal training or are you naturally gifted?” Steve questioned softly, hoping Bucky wouldn’t mind his inquisition.  
——  
Bucky had heard the faint hum of the other voice behind him and it made him smile a little, making some of the tension fall out of his shoulders. When he heard Steve's question be smiles more. "No I've never really been trained for singing. I did take lessons to play the piano for years though." He offers up that little bit of information about himself, curious how Steve would react and what he would do with it. His father had been less than pleased at Bucky's musical inclination, scolding him And declaring that it was a waste of his time and made him look weaker to the public eyes. Bucky still scoffed hard at that whenever he thought of it.  
——  
Steve smiled a bit at that piece of information, he would’ve never guessed that Bucky had any musical training. He didn’t know what else to say to Bucky, so he just rode along behind him for a moment. “I was never aloud formal training for anything. Mostly I was trained to be married off to you. Taught how to host parties, how to take care of children, how to take care of a home. How to... take care of my husband.” Steve told Bucky with a slight blush. Most of his life had been spent being Trained to be the perfect ‘wife’  
——  
Bucky listened to every word the other male spoke and he felt a strange mixture of sadness and anger. A boy like Steve had to have had interests of his own, passions and loves that he's never been allowed to explore. He sighs quietly but then his face lights up with a smile. "Well at least now you're my responsibility and I can tell you that most of the stuff they beat into your head is null and void for me. I'm not exactly a regular prince." He smiles and chuckles. The other guard that was Still on his horse clears his throat a bit. "Mr Barnes I don't believe you should be-" "Zip it. My dad isn't around to yell at me and I'm a damned adult now anyway. Might as well tell the guy what he's in for, right?" That sufficiently made the guard close his mouth and mind his own business.  
——  
Steve looked down, embarrassed that he got Bucky in trouble. “I’m here to please you, James. I don’t need to have any sort of fun.” Steve told him softly. He was meant to be there to serve bucky, be a loyal submissive husband, someone who could help him run a kingdom.  
——  
Bucky scoffs and turns in his saddle so he was half facing Steve. "Please for the love of all that is holy, call me Bucky. The only people that call me James are my parents and anyone who's angry at me." He gives Steve one of his heart melting million watt smiles. He knew he had power in that smile and he rarely hesitated to use it to his advantage. Bucky had to be one of the most down to earth and friendly guys in his whole kingdom and everyone was subject to fall prey to his sweet face.  
——  
Steve blushed, yet again, it seemed he couldn’t help himself around Bucky. “I’m sorry. I was told your name was James.” Steve apologized and continued riding behind Bucky.   
“What did you used to do in your childhood, other than play the piano?” Steve asked him after a moment of silence. He figured he best attempt to keep some form of conversation going, that way things didn’t get too awkward.  
——  
"It is, technically. I just don't like being called it. Sounds too formal and uptight." He sneers. He rights himself in the saddle, one hand going down to pat his horses neck. "Most of the stuff normal princes do I guess. Learned to fight, kingdom ruling 101, horseback riding.." he trials off. "Really the only thing I actually liked was the stuff with the horses. I'm not much a fighter or a ruler." Which was an outright lie- Bucky was easily one of the best young warriors in his kingdom without Any proper training and with it he easily ranked in with the most deadly assassins. He just never found any pleasure or joy out of it. And as for ruling he had a good head on his shoulders and a clear sense of direction he just wasn't too big on actually giving orders. He had too much of a laid back personality for it though when he knew he wanted something bad enough and knew it was the right thing to do he would pull all stops to get his way.  
——  
Steve hummed and thought about it. Bucky was raised to be a king, to rule his kingdom and lead them into battle, while Steve was raised to be a perfect housewife. “How old were you when you found out you were to marry someone from the house of Rogers?” Steve blurted out. He wanted to know if Bucky had to live with it his whole life, the way Steve had. He wondered if buckys mother and father aloud him to have relationships, even though he was set to be married. He had so many questions.  
——  
Bucky blows a slow and long breath out. "I was probably like.. 10 or something around there. I don't really remember honestly. I've spent the better part of my life knowing it anyway. Probably for the best cause if they had waited until the last minuet to tell me 'surprise you're getting married next week' I probably would have killed someone. Even I have my limits on what I can handle before loosing it."   
——  
Steve nodded a bit, even though Bucky couldn’t see him, and thought back to when he was told. “I wasn’t ever directly told, it was just what I was raised to do. ‘Think of how James would react’ ‘would James like that?’ ‘You’re set to be married at 18, don’t be foolish and think you can run off and make friends’ “ Steve shrugged as he told Bucky. It was true, there was never anyone who directly told him, it was just part of his life from the moment he learned to talk.  
——  
"Jeez, are you serious?" Bucky honestly couldn't imagine living his life that way, or ever forcing anyone to either. "If only your parents had known me at all. Honestly you can do whatever you want. Just cause you're married to me doesn't mean you're my slave. Just don't do any stupid shit that can get you in trouble and I won't take any issue with it." He slows his horse down a bit so he was side by side with Steve, his knee brushing Steve's when the horses stepped close together.  
——  
Steve gave Bucky a smile. “I’m not known to do anything stupid, so you got lucky there. The ‘craziest’ thing you’ll ever see me do is walk downstairs still in my night clothes.” Steve chuckled. He tried not to do anything to hurt the Rogers name, so he was pretty well behaved, especially around others. It was part of his duty as a prince, uphold the Rogers name. Now it was both the Rogers and Barnes name that he had to uphold  
——  
Bucky snorts a laugh and tosses his head back, grinning wide so the rays of the evening sunset reflect off his perfectly white teeth. "Ooh boy that's nothing! One time I overslept and neglected to remember that mom and dad were having a serious meeting with some out of territory dignitaries and I just strolled right through the hallway in just my underwear looking like an undead creature!" He laughs and glances over at Steve. "Sometimes I think I forget that clothes are actually a necessity."  
——  
Steve barked out a laugh, attempting to picture what his mother’s reaction would have been if he had ever done that. “I would’ve been murdered if I did that! My mother literally would have killed me!” Steve laughed and shook his head. ‘Atleast Bucky isn’t quite the spoiled brat I had imagined’ Steve thought to himself.  
——  
Bucky laughs harder and brings a hand up to wipe a tear away from his eyes. "The best part was I didn't even realize i had done it until Sam brought me some clothes as I was sitting on the counter eating an apple. When my dad came back with his belt in his hand after the meeting I ran like hell outta there cause I finally realized what I did." He snorts at the memory. He was good at hiding if he really didn't want to be found. "Just think- someday I'm gonna be in charge of an entire kingdom. And I can't even remember to put a shirt on most mornings. Steve I think we're all doomed." He had such a bright sense of humor about everything it was hard to tell how serious he was.  
——  
Steve grinned “I think your first order of business is to make it illegal to wear anything other than boxers during important meetings in the kingdom of hydra!” Steve declared and tried picturing it, random diplomats from all over being forced to have meetings in just their underwear. It would be terrific.  
——  
"No my first order of business is it is illegal to wake up any time before 10 in the morning. Or at least it's illegal to wake me up before then. I'm not a morning person, pal. I'm either a brain dead zombie or the biggest grouch you'll ever meet but either way it is not pretty. If you ever need to wake me up before a reasonable hour you better have a gallon of coffee at the ready because I will fall right back asleep otherwise." He smiles and looks at Steve.  
——  
Steve smiled and tried to picture it. “You know, we kind of have to produce an heir at some point, what do you expect to do when there’s a child? Just tell them to stop crying and go back to sleep?” Steve chuckled and shook his head. He doesn’t know Bucky, but he’s positive that’s what the man would do.  
——  
Bucky arches an eyebrow up. "Stevie boy I dunno what they've been teaching you but there's no humanly possible way you and I are gonna be creating any little Bucky's and Steve's unless you're hiding something big from me." He huffs a little. "But yes, actually, that is exactly what I would do. Or I would just start going to sleep with earplugs in and leave you to deal with it." He laughs and leans over a bit to nudge Steve. He was actually a pretty hands on and touchy feely kind of guy once he got relaxed enough.  
——  
Steve furrowed his brows. “You’ve never heard of a surrogate mother?.. Nevermind.” Steve mumbled and bit his lip. Maybe everything he was raised to do was completely untrue. He knew a few things were true, but now he wasn’t sure about anything else. “It seems I’ve spent my entire life preparing for things that will never come in hand.” Steve commented with a slight frown, slightly upset that his 18 years of life had been completely wasted.  
——  
Bucky gives a little nod. "Hey that's a long time in the future okay? We aren't even married yet. At least take a guy on a date before you start lining up women to knock up." He laughs and rolls his dark, steel grey eyes. He sighs softly. "That is probably my fault since I'm not what anyone expected me to be. Your parents did the right thing if you were being married off to any other stick up at the ass kid but I'm.. me." He shrugs. "You'll get used to it fast enough. And you're still young so There's still plenty of time to do fun stuff and live the life you wanted to. I m not going to stop you within reason."  
——  
Steve smiled and nodded “I guess she didn’t think you’d be how you are, she tried to raise me how your father said, and how I’d need to be for any other prince.” Steve shrugged a bit. Maybe he would be able to do fun stuff, nothing like having a relationship obviously, but stuff like learning an instrument, making friends! Just things Steve wasn’t able to do his whole life. “Maybe we could do some of the fun stuff together, you could show me the ropes.” Steve said with a small smile.  
——  
Bucky's grin nearly split his face in half. He nods eagerly and accidentally squeezes his legs around his horses midsection, making the horse stop and rear up, neighing loudly. Bucky curses and hangs on tight, locking his muscles and whispering soothingly in a foreign language into the animals ear until he dropped back down and snorted, stamping his hoof but calming down quickly. Bucky looks at Steve with a nervous smile. "Oops. Guess I forgot that wasn't a smart move." Most other people would Have ended up on the ground and trampled for a smile blunder like that but Bucky just smiles and clicks his tongue, making the horse walk on. Even his guards didn't look concerned in the slightest though there was a hopeful gleam in Rumlows eyes that that would be the end of Bucky.  
——  
After the fiasco was over, Steve raised his eyebrows at Bucky, he had never seen someone be able to tame a horse so well. Bucky took complete control over the situation as if it was nothing more than dropping a piece of paper. It was admirable, Steve had to admit. “After we are wed, what is the first thing you’ll show me?” Steve asked, returning to their previous conversation. He secretly hoped that Bucky would introduce him to some of his friends, as Steve never had any of his own. His husbands friends would probably be a good place to start.  
——-  
Bucky looks over at him and raises his eyebrows a bit. "Depends? What do you want to do? I would be glad to teach you whatever you want to learn but I don't want to dictate what you do. Think of me as more of a link to an easy lifestyle for you than a slave driver or whatever weird image of your future, your parents have pushed into your head." Bucky of course knew exactly what Steve was expected to do and he honestly thought it was bullshit and refused to buy into the idea that this beautiful blond haired man had no other future besides being his arm piece. Steve had a spark in his eyes that Bucky recognized as simliar to his own and he would be damned before he put it out or allowed anyone else to attempt to ruin Steve.  
——  
Steve blushed and bit his lip, looking downward. “I’m fine with anything, I’m not hard to please..” Steve told him and nervously ran his fingers through the horses mane. He didn’t want to outright tell Bucky he’d love to meet his friends, who knows if Bucky would even want that. “Who’s coming to the wedding? I wasn’t ever informed of that... I’m assuming your family, friends, and kingdom?” Steve ended up asking. As he said, he had many questions.  
——  
"Hm? Oh yes all those as mentioned. Also I believe arrangements have been made to have your parents there as well as a few other officials from your house to just officiate and verify that the wedding did indeed happen." He scoffs a bit. Bucky was stupid sometimes but he was nowhere near careless enough to chance getting himself and Steve in the severe amount of trouble they would be in for trying to avoid the wedding further than he already has. "Few of my friends will be there as well." He Shrugs a little. "Though I guess I wouldn't really call many of them an actual 'friend.' Sam is one of my best friends though he is technically my servant and Natasha.. well I can't honestly tell if she loves me or is secretly plotting to assassinate me someday." He chuckles.  
——  
“Mother.” Steve corrected. “My mother will be there.” He said and continued listening to Bucky, nodding along. “The officials of mine will probably be nick fury and Phil coulson...” he mumbled, attempting to think of who else might’ve been invited as an officiate. Steve hummed along, with what Bucky said, he was glad Buckys friends would be there. Maybe that would be his chance to meet them. He couldn’t deny that when Bucky mentioned ‘natasha’, he got curious, and somewhat scared. If she ever came between Steve and Bucky, that would likely be the end of shield. His kingdom was depending on this marriage. “Sam and Natasha... sam’s your servant, how did you meet Natasha?” He asked, attempting to come off as nonchalant  
——   
Bucky gave a soft sigh, sounding a little distant. "She was the one who really helped me learn how to fight. I always had a talent for it but she was the only who helped me to feel confident in what I was doing." She was also the one who taught Bucky how to be able to kill a man without letting emotions overcome him but he felt it probably was not a wise option to mention that. "She's the scariest woman I have ever met. More so because she is younger than me and she can kick my ass seven ways to Sunday if she gets in the mood." He mumbles and pats his stallions neck. "In return for that I taught her the secrets to handling horses. She's the second best rider in the kingdom next to me." He smiles lazily. "Even Winter here will tolerate her."  
——-  
Steve hummed and nodded. Bucky seemed to talk so fondly of Natasha, he didn’t know how to handle that, should he keep an eye on her and Bucky, should he not care? Steve sighed and continued to nervously pet the horse he was riding. He was so new to this whole... people thing, he had no clue how to interact with anyone other than his handlers and other staff at his castle. “So uh... did you, did you have anything you wanted to talk about before we get married?” Steve asked Bucky awkwardly  
——  
"Ah umm.. no. Not really. I guess I never really thought this day was going to actually come. I haven't been necessarily.. avoiding it per day I just have not been actively thinking about it. Now maybe that was a bad decision on my part but.. what do you want to talk about? I'm not the best at conversations and I will apologize for that but I will answer any questions you have as honestly as I can. I have nothing to gain from lying to you." He promises him calmly and watched Steve fidget.  
——  
Steve shrugged “I just... I’m nervous. I’m not good with people, my kingdom practically is depending on me being good with people, I just don’t want to mess this up.” Steve said and let out a breath he had been holding in. “I’ve never been able to have even a boyfriend or girlfriend, so getting married is just... it’s scary for me. Despite what you say, I know there’s lots of expectations I have to meet, and I’m terrified that I’m going to mess up.” Steve said quietly.  
——  
"You're putting way more pressure on yourself than actually exists. Honestly. There's no reason that anyone should expect so much from you. You only just turned 18. You're not going to be perfect. I don't expect you to be and no one else should either or they're insane." He didn't know where the overwhelming urge to be protective and caring for Steve came from but he assumed it probably was not a bad thing considering he was going to marry the kid. "Least we're in the same boat there." He snorts A little. "I coulda dated around I just.. never really wanted to I guess. I knew I was already gonna be marrying someone else weather I wanted to or not so I never bothered to chance hurtin anyone else with it." Or himself for that matter. He didn't want to fall in love only to hurt the other person.  
——  
Steve was surprised by how Laid back Bucky was. He was completely ok with how inexperienced Steve was, and he was almost trying to... comfort Steve. He was glad to hear that Bucky had never dated anyone, despite how selfish that may sound. “You aren’t what I expected at all.” Steve told him quietly, and hoped he didn’t somehow offend Bucky with that statement  
——  
Bucky gives a little smile. "Glad to hear it cause I would need to really check myself at the door if I was since that would mean that I'm leaning to close to what my father thinks i should be which just..no. However I am a little curious.. what exactly did you expect me to be like?" He wondered just how much they had made him seem like an enemy to Steve's future.  
——  
Steve blushed and looked down “I thought you would be a spoiled brat, someone who just wanted me to be the pretty guy on their arm, I figured you’d make me... uh, have sex with someone to have an heir, I thought you’d make me completely submit to you, do anything you want. I mean, I still expect some things, but in a marriage, everyone has to do things they don’t want to.” Steve shrugged. “I was raised to be your submissive ‘wife’, so I expected that’s what you’d want.”  
——  
"Well you are pretty but the rest of that is all just wrong." He sighs. "I wasn't always this.. noble I guess. I was honestly a jerk as a young teenager. I guess maybe a lot of people thought I was on track to become the asshole my father is. But.. I didn't want that. I don't want to become like him so.. I changed a lot about myself. Taught myself decency and respect and kindness that he never showed me. Working with the horses really helped me fine tune that. You have to be gentle and calm with Them or else you're liable to get your head knocked off. I would never force you to have sex with anyone for any reason and I sure as hell don't want you to live the rest of your life miserable because you're stuck with me and I'm sorry that you are. I'll try to be the best I can be for you but I'm still sorry."  
——  
Steve smiled at what Bucky said, now that he met him, Steve couldn’t see younger Bucky being a jerk, Bucky was so kind to him. “You won’t make me have sex with you, or anyone else?” Steve said as almost a question, just needing that verification. “And I won’t be miserable. Sure I always wanted to marry for love, not just because, but you have to do what you have to do. I’m sure I’ll come to grow close to you, I’ll just need time. I’m sure you’ll need time as well.” Steve said with a sigh.  
——-  
"Good lord no." He laughs but shutters a little. "Ya can't just force someone to have sex. That's.. not right. I would never do that to you. Especially not with me. Jesus did you actually think I would force you to have sex with me?" He looks at him with an almost hurt expression. Bucky didn't care much for what anyone else though about him but knowing that this boy has spent his whole life thinking that he was destined to become someone's fuck toy? It made him almost sick to his stomach. "I'm Sorry Steve. I wish we coulda met years ago." He sighs softly. "I hope we'll like each other. I mean I already think you're a nice guy so no issue on my part."  
——-  
Steve nodded and bit his lip. “It was ingrained in my head by everyone, I’d have to consummate the marriage and then after that it would be my duty to... please you.” Steve mumbled. “I’m glad it won’t be like that. I’m glad we can just get to know each other without having to be physical. And you’re a nice guy too, Bucky, I really do think so. But as I already told you, I’m scared.”  
——  
Bucky shrugs done shoulder. "Sure we're supposed to. Doesn't mean I'm going to make you do anything you don't want to. Sometimes you gotta say fuck the laws when they're stupid. It's not like anyone is going to know anyway. Just walk a little funny the day after." He says calmly and keeps his eyes forward, voice calm and mellow. "I'm scared too Steve. Believe me I really am. This is.. weird. Like I'm talking to my future husband that I've only met maybe an hour ago. This is insane. Honestly I'm Not even gay. I don't think. Ahg I wouldn't know because I've never messed around with it or experimented with anything." He runs a hand through his dark hair.  
——  
Steve frowned and nodded. He didn’t even think how rough this would be on Bucky. Bucky wanted a women, first of all, and Bucky didn’t even know him. “If it makes you feel any better, I was raised as a woman would be. I’m practically a woman, I just don’t have the parts.” Steve shrugged. “We’ll get through this, you aren’t gay, I’m terrified. We’ve both got problems, but we’ll get through it.” Steve said in determination. They would get through it, he knew they would. They had to.  
——  
Bucky sighs softly. "You're right. We will get through this." He didn't like the idea of Steve trying to think of himself as something he's not.. it wasn't fair to him at all and Bucky didn't want him to have to feel that way. "You know I don't..I don't care that you're a man. And I don't want you to be a woman. I didn't- that all came out wrong. I shouldn't have said anything. I don't want you to think you have to be anything other than yourself, okay? We'll get through this but we're getting Through it as Steve and Bucky, not Prince Jackass and Stephanie or whatever. "  
——  
Steve chuckled softly “I’m glad you told me you aren’t gay. I’d rather you tell me than just force a... relationship.” Steve told him, not sure if the word relationship would be right to use. “And I’ll try, I’ll try to be myself, ill figure out who I am. I suppose it’s not ‘Stephanie.’” Steve said and laughed at the name again. “I would just like to disclose the fact that I’m bisexual- I like both men and women. So, I am attracted to men… Geez this is weird to tell my dang husband, but yeah, so I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable that I am attracted to men. You seem like a good guy so far, but even good guys might get uncomfortable with the fact that the person they share a bed with could be attracted to them.”  
——-  
Bucky listened raptly to every word out of Steve's mouth, nodding along quietly. "Alright. No it doesn't bother me at all. Like i said man, you do you. Long as I don't wake up to you trying to put anything of yours in my ass I've got no problem with you liking whatever you like. I suppose this probably makes it a little easier for you though. At least you're not grossly homophobic and hating me because I'm also a man and you've got no choice but to be saddled to my ass. Then again I'm sure youre Probably thinking the same thing about me right about now so.."  
——  
Steve’s eyes got wide and he shook his head “no! No... I’d never do that to you! I’ve never even... I haven’t done anything like that before, I wouldn’t want the first time...” Steve mumbled, somewhat in embarrassment. “And Yeah... I mean, I’m grateful that you aren’t homophobic, I don’t know how I could live like that, if you were. It would be worse than being raised as a woman while being a man.”  
——  
"Hey hey, take it easy pal. I know you won't, I trust you, okay?" He looks over at him with a gentle smile and reaches a hand out, putting it on the other boys shoulder. "You're good. I was joking. I'm a virgin too so you've got nothing to be ashamed of or anything. We're both gonna learn how to work through this, together, cause right now Stevie you and I are all each other's got so we better get along real well no matter what."  
——  
Steve smiled and looked over at Bucky. The man looked so honest and caring right now, it amazed Steve. A man he met only an hour before, seemed to care about him more than most everyone else. “We’ve got this... we’re going to get married, and we’re going to figure out how to make this work.” Steve told him. “I’m glad I’m doing this with someone who isn’t an... an ass.”  
——  
Bucky grins with a sharp flash of his perfectly straight white teeth. "That's the spirit! And I've gotta agree. All things considered I think I ended up pretty lucky here. There's a lot worse men out there than you do of I've gotta be hitched to a guy for the rest of my life i think it's safe to say I am glad it's you." He smiles and looks ahead where their cabin loomed up ahead. There were to stay in a rather nice cabin just outside the kingdom of Hydra for their first night to get acquainted.  
——  
Steve couldn’t agree more. “I’m glad I ended up with you too.” He told Bucky and looked at the cabin ahead. It was nice, small and cozy. “Is this where we’re staying for the night?” Steve asked as he got off the horse to admire the structure. It had ivy crawling up the side of it, and everything was dusted in snow. “It’s beautiful.” He hummed and looked over at Bucky, who was now standing next to him.  
——  
"Sure is." Bucky smiles and slides easily off Winter's back, patting the horses flank as he moves to stand beside Steve. They were about evenly matched for height, Steve just a few inches shorter than Bucky himself. He admires the cabin as well and looks over his shoulder at the guard and Rumlow, who was now breathing a little heavy from the miles of walking and looked like he was absolutely ready to murder Bucky where he stood. "We're good, gentlemen. You can carry on back to the kingdom. Steve And I will make our peace here." He says in his best calm and authoritative voice that left no real room for argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! 5,000+ words this chapter, AND it was posted ahead of time. I got bored and decided I had time to edit a bit and post (I barely edited though, sorry for any mistakes in this)   
> I hope you all enjoyed! Please leave comments!


	3. Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky go to the cabin and make dinner together.

Steve watched as the guards mounted their horses once again, and left. Steve turned back to Bucky once he could no longer see the guards and smiled. “I can’t believe they just let us stay by ourselves here. In my kingdom it is strictly prohibited to stay overnight alone with your partner unless you’re married.” Steve chuckled, thinking of how silly that rule is. His kingdom could be traditional sometimes. There was to be absolutely no sex before marriage, and being in the same home with your Partner unsupervised, apparently meant sex.  
——  
"You'll probably find things are a little.. different around Hydra. Some of our rules are no where near as strict. Others are ten fold what Shield's are." Bucky was a smart boy, well versed in all the things a future king should know including the laws of his kingdom and their neighboring lands. Though he'd always stubbornly acted disinterested in his schooling, he actually had always been a bit of a sponge for knowledge and retained almost everything he was taught. "Our sex laws seem to be a Fairly large and obvious difference." He chuckles and puts a hand on Steve's shoulder, squeezing before going over and beginning to untack the horses so they could relax over night. He kept talking soothingly to his jumpy stallion, running his hands over him comfortingly as he slides the saddle off and throws it over a fence post.  
——-  
Steve watched Bucky as he takes to the horses, and took off the saddles. The man had a big build, he was tall, and muscular, but when he started comforting the horse, he made himself look so small, not at all intimidating. “You do so wonderful with them... maybe you could teach me, then one day maybe your horse would like me.” Steve said, a small grin on his face.  
——  
Bucky looks over and smiles at Steve, eyes sparkling in the last remaining gleam of daylight peaking behind the mountains. Winter had his head tucked against Bucky's chest, the mans arms cradling his head and rubbing his cheek softly. "Winter was going to be slaughtered. He was a wild stallion they caught and tried to break but no one could tame him. People were cruel to him. Hurt him. He trusts no one besides me because he knows I would never raise a hand at him. I saved his life and in turn he Allows me to be his friend. He's an amazing animal." Bucky straightens the fetlock on the horse's forehead before giving him a firm pat on the neck and stepping away, walking back towards Steve. "Come here for a moment. I want you to meet him. Don't try to touch him. Just let him see you. Get a feeling for your energy. If he approaches you then you can pet him." He says hopefully.  
——  
Steve listened to Bucky with admiration, most people never looked twice at a wild animal, let alone an animal about to be killed. Steve listened to what Bucky said and moved closer, slowly as to not scare winter. “You promise he won’t try to squish me?” Steve asked quietly with a raised eyebrow. The horse honestly was quite big, bigger than the ones the guards had, it was intimidating. Steve pushed through the nerves for about the billionth time that day, and got to be about a foot away from Winter, before stretching his hand out slightly for the horse to sniff at if he chose to do so. He couldn’t believe he was so nervous to get approval from a horse of all people- things?  
——  
Bucky smiles as he watched as Steve inched himself closer. "No. He won't hurt you unless he feels you're threatening me. In which case I don't doubt he would crush you." The horse's ears had pricked up fully and his dark eyes were watching Steve's every movement with a curious interest. He was tense but didn't appear to be violently upset by anything. Bucky steps back to not interfere and Winter stretches his neck out, his velvety nose brushing Steve's hand before he lips at it, trying to see if he Could get some food from the offered hand. Bucky laughs and pulls a biscuit out of his pocket, handing it to Steve. "Put it in your palm and flatten your hand. He won't bite you." His heart was bursting in pride and joy. He's never seen winter even so much as look at another person without getting pissed off and kicky.  
——  
Steve was tensed up, but by buckys reaction, everything must be going good? Or At Least he hoped so.   
Steve put the biscuit in the palm of his hand and laid it out flat for the horse. He laughed a bit when the horse ate it from his hand, then proceeded to lick all the crumbs off of his hand. “Are things going well, in your opinion?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow, turning to face Bucky for a moment, before looking back to winter, who was happily licking his lips  
——  
"Absolutely incredible." Bucky confirms with a mystified smile. "I've never.. he's never let anyone else so close for so long. I think he may like you." It was evident that one of the quickest ways into Bucky's heart was by his horse and now that winter had approved of Steve the prince was completely 100% relaxed, his shoulders slumped and his face holding an easy smile. Winter gave another poke at Steve's hand with his nose before nickering softly and going back to Bucky, sniffing his pockets For more treats. "You're going to get fat." He scolds the horse but gives him another treat anyway before pushing his head away and retreating up onto the porch of the cabin. "Come on. I could use some food myself. I was informed that there would be some things stocked in the cabinets for us." He invited Steve to follow him.  
——  
Steve reluctantly pulled away from the horse, bidding it a goodbye, by stroking its cheek, then he followed Bucky into the cabin.  
To say the inside was beautiful would be an understatement. It had tall ceilings, 2 fireplaces that he could see, a giant kitchen, a small dining area, and a cozy looking living room with an even cozier looking couch. And that was just what he could see. “It’s gorgeous in here, Bucky. I wish I could have a home like this some day.” Steve said and ran his fingers Along the oak walls. Everything had a beautiful rustic, yet modern feel to it.  
——-  
Bucky watched Steve's face when the boy looked around the cabin and he smiles a little. "Well I mean there's no real reason you can't. Hydra technically owns this plot of land so if we wanted to live out here.. I can make it happen. If you want that." Bucky honestly has used this cabin as an escape getaway a couple different times on the past, when his father got too angry with him and he got scared for his life or when he just needed to get away and ground himself for a bit.  
——  
Steve gave Bucky a confused look. “But you’re meant to be a king soon, aren’t you supposed to stay in the castle?” He questioned. He knew at shield, the royal family had to live in the castle so guards could constantly monitor them. It was all a safety precaution.   
“And, you don’t have to do that for me. I’m sure you like the castle, we could just come here to get away occasionally, to get to know eachother better.” Steve added. He was touched that Bucky was willing to figure out a way for them To live there, but he wouldn’t make him do that  
——  
"Steve in case you haven't noticed I've been laying the royal fuck it stick to a lot of the things I'm supposed to be doing. If my father is so desperate to have a perfect lap dog follower take over his position he should just have Rumlow do it. They are far more similar than he and I ever would be." But Bucky would never let that happen. He knew a kingdom under Rumlows reign would not be one that Bucky would survive living in. Not that his father was much better now.  
——  
“Language.” Steve mumbled and blushed when he realized he had scolded Bucky. “Oh geez, I’m sorry! I’m so used to..” Steve immediately apologized, and composed himself. “But yes, I can see that, I just couldn’t imagine being able to live so far out of the castle. It seems dangerous to me.” Steve shrugged, still a bit flustered from scolding bucky  
——  
Bucky drew back in surprise, eyes widening and he looks at Steve in surprise. "Did you just.. language me? Like... calling me out for cursing kind of deal? Steve my man what the hell." He laughs and had to actually wipe tears away from his eyes as he was laughing so hard. He honestly hadn't ever heard the rest of what he had said, so caught up in the explosive laughter and hilarity of the moment.  
——  
Steve’s blush deepened, his face turning a bright shade of pink. “I... mother scolded me for swearing once, and she’s constantly scolding the guards and soldiers for it. I’m just so used to hearing someone get scolded for swearing that I just....” Steve shrugged and looked down. “I’m sorry.” He apologized once again. Sure Bucky was laughing, but he still felt bad  
——  
"It's fine- it's completely fine." He managed to choke out between bouts of almost painful laughter. "I just was not expecting that. At all. Another big different around here I guess. It's not considered polite to curse in front of others but we all do it. There's no penalty and no one is going to yell at you for dropping a few well placed f-bombs when someone pisses you off."  
——  
“the issue wasn’t everywhere, just places around me” Steve corrected. “I was raised as a female, mother believed that meant I couldn’t swear, and no one should swear around me in fear that I would start becoming more rough around the edges.” Steve explained, and watched with a small smile as Bucky's face was still lit up from the amusement of the situation  
——  
Bucky's laughs slowly died down and he looked at Steve soberly. "Well you know what I say to that? Fuck that shit in it's mother fucking ass." He comes over and pulls Steve under his arm. "You like soda? Someday I'll challenge you to drink as much as you can as fast as you can and we can have a belching contest. Warning I am the undefeated champion." He grins smartly, really just trying to drive home that fact that Steve and nothing to worry about with Bucky.  
——  
Steve laughed, and pictured it. Two young princes drinking all the soda they could, just to burp as much as possible. Steve shook his head amusedly at the thought. “Maybe that could be the start of our adventures of you teaching me new things.” Steve told him happily, and nudged him.   
Bucky still had his arm around steve, and Steve had absolutely no objections. He hadn’t had this sort of friendly contact with someone other than family. It felt good.  
——  
"Whatever you want pal. Your wish is my command." He gives the arm that was still looped over Steve's shoulders a soft squeeze and rubs along the boys bicep with his thumb. Bucky had a real issue with personal space and boundaries once he was comfortable with someone. Really it was a blessing that Sam and Natasha ever put up with him because he was the kind of friend that if he felt lonely or down on himself he would follow one of them around and whine until they came to bed and cuddled with him . And either fortunately or unfortunately for Steve, he already felt decently comfortable with him.  
——  
Steve smiled, it felt good for someone to tell him they’d do anything he wanted- obviously as long as it wasn’t completely crazy.   
Steve unconsciously leaned into bucky's touch, craving the warmth and happiness he felt with bucky's arm around him. Eventually Steve pulled away though, he was hungry, and he assumed Bucky would be as well. Lucky for the both of them, Steve actually knew how to cook, the kitchen staff at his home taught him.   
“I think it’s about time we ate...what can I make for You?” Steve asked and moved into the large kitchen  
——  
Bucky clears his throat loudly when Steve stepped away, mildly embarrassed that he'd held onto him that long thinking it must have made Steve uncomfortable. He was also very very bad at reading body language. "Sorry um yeah. We should see what kinda food is around here first. I can't imagine there's very much fresh produce laying around since it would go bad if we didn't use it but we'll see what we can work with." He made sure to stress the /we/ so Steve wouldn't think that Bucky solely Expected him to cook. The brunet prince was not the best cook in the world by any means but he could help out or get by on a few simple meals. He wouldn't let Steve be his slave.  
——-  
Steve nodded and started going through cabinets and the fridge “I can make pasta and sauce, could make chicken with it...” Steve hummed as he looked through everything. Bucky was right, there wasn’t much of anything, but he could work with it.   
Steve started pulling all the ingredients out, and set them on the counter. He didn’t expect Bucky to help him, and he wasn’t bothered at all to do it all by himself  
——  
Bucky eyeballs the counter before jumping up onto it, watching Steve pull pull out the necessary things for their proposed meal. "Yeah that sounds good. Do you.. like to cook?" He asks as he he swings his legs a bit while observing the blond. It was a backwards way of asking if Steve wanted to do this or if he felt he had to.  
——  
“Not particularly” Steve shrugged as he began cutting up grape tomatoes and onions. “What do you like in your pasta sauce?” Steve asked him, to make sure he put in all the right stuff. He wanted it to be perfect for Bucky.  
——  
Bucky gives him a look before jumping off the counter and rooting around himself. He found some garlic and a package of mushrooms and he sets them on the table before pulling out a cutting board and a knife from his pocket, setting about cutting the things for himself with a wry little smile in Steve's direction. "I'm not useless or lazy, Steve." He says calmly as he minces the garlic up with surprising skill for using a pocket knife.  
——  
Steve put his hand over buckys to stop his cutting, and took the pocket knife and replaced it with a normal kitchen knife. “Use this knife and I’d believe you.” He teased and went back to cutting the other ingredients.   
Steve was surprised that Bucky jumped right in and started cooking, despite the fact that Bucky said he wouldn’t treat Steve as a slave, he still didn’t expect Bucky to want to actually cook.   
“Do I even want to know where that knife of yours has been?” Steve questioned with a Raised eyebrow, and he slipped the knife into buckys back pocket  
——  
"Um.. it's been around." He had least had the decency to look sheepish at being called out for it. He jumped a bit when Steve tucked the knife into his back pocket but he chuckles a little after. He continues cutting up the things with much more efficiency and speed now that he had a proper knife in his hand. He was focused on the task at hand but also not really paying a significant amount of attention, hands just seeming to know what to do on their own.  
——  
Steve chuckled and started tossing the ingredients in the pot. When he looked back over he frowned “Bucky... buck, your finger!” Steve said and watched as blood dripped off the side of bucky's cut finger. It looked like Bucky hadn’t even noticed he was bleeding.   
Steve grabbed a towel and then bucky's hand to wipe the blood away and inspect the cut. “You need to be more careful...”  
——  
He heard Steve's exclamation and he looks down, eyebrows raising a bit in surprise. "Oh. Would you look at that. Guess I cut myself." He steps back and let Steve grab his hand, worrying over the rather large gash in his finger. Somehow it really didn't surprise him much that he didn't notice. He had a scary good pain tolerance from years of taking beatings. "It's fine Steve it's.. it's not that bad." He tries to assure him, confusion in his eyes. If he didn't know any better he would say that Steve seemed to be genuinely concerned about him.  
——  
Steve frowned and shook his head “do you have anything for me to fix that with? It’s pretty deep...” Steve said with concern. The cut was rather deep and wouldn’t stop bleeding. When he was younger his mother taught him first aid so he would be able to fix these kinds of things when they happened  
——  
"Uhh there might be a first aid kit in the bathroom maybe. I'm not really sure. If not it'll stop soon I'm sure. I'm not worried about it." He says nonchalantly and steps away from Steve to go check the bathroom for a medical kit. He was still mildly unfocused on everything but functional enough to move around.  
——  
“Are you ok, Bucky?” Steve asked quietly, Bucky seemed... upset, perhaps?   
“We don’t have to have dinner together if you don’t want.” He told Bucky and followed him into the bathroom, grabbing a first aid kit from under the sink.  
——  
"What? No. No I'm fine." He shakes his head and sighs. "Sorry. I'm honestly fine. Sometimes I just.. do that. I dunno. I just zone out and become all unfocused and shit. I'm fine. Nothing you did. I'm grateful you tried to make dinner and once you're done mother Henning me I wouldn't mind continuing that."  
——  
Steve sighed in relief, he hadn’t done anything to upset Bucky. “ ok, well, be more careful. Ok?” Steve said and started fixing bucky's finger up.   
Steve stood when he was finished, and started heading back to the kitchen, Bucky in tow. “When we are a married couple, I expect you to be more careful. I won’t be pleased if you come home to me nightly and need to be bandaged up.”  
——  
Bucky was surprised at how gentle Steve was when he fixed the cut on his finger. there was really no pain with it as there should have been. He watched him curiously and then raises his eyebrows at his commanding tone, a little smirk playing on his lips. "Mr Rogers are you giving me orders? And here I thought I was the dominant one. Your wish is my command." he bows playfully and skips back over to continue cutting up the food.  
——  
Steve rolled his eyes, he was the younger of the two, yet Bucky was the more childish one.  
“You are the dominant one, but submissives can still give orders once in awhile.” Steve told him with a chuckle sand resumed his stirring  
——  
"Wasn't aware of that. Then how do we know I'm not just a super bossy sub myself?" he asks with a sly grin as he resumes mincing garlic. He found it rather easy to tease and play with Steve already. He was having too much fun with it- which seemed to be a positive sign for what the rest of their lives are going to be like. "For all you know I'm waiting for you to smack my ass and bend me over the kitchen table." he wiggles his hips a little and grabs the cutting board, carrying it over and dumping all his cut things into it with all of Steve's veggies.  
——-  
Steve looked at Bucky blankly for a moment “I uh... this probably won’t work out too well if you want me to... do the... Yeah.” He mumbled. He didn’t know if he could do that, he wasn’t raised to be like that. He was raised to be submissive and small, to obey.  
——  
Bucky looks at him and rolls his eyes. "Like I said man I'm not gay. I was just fuckin around." sometimes Bucky's personality went so over the line of flirty that he not only made other people question his sexuality but often he had to really take a step back and reassure himself that he wanted a female and not a male. But now he was marrying a boy...oh no.  
——  
Steve’s face fell, he was trying to ignore that Bucky was in fact straight. His husband was straight. Steve may not want to marry the man right now, but he was still going to marry the guy.   
“You know, you have my permission to date women. Have one night stands, or even a serious relationship. I don’t mind.” Steve said casually, trying not to seem weird  
——  
Bucky gives Steve a slightly startled look over his shoulder. "Really? Oh. Hell. I'm.. thanks? I think? I don't... I dunno if I'll take you up on that or not. Probably.. not." Bucky didn't seem to know what to say, all but squirming in place. He knew Natasha had a thing for him but he always ignored it because he knew it never could go anywhere but now the man he was marrying told him he didn't mind.. but Bucky didn't know if he could really do it. He was loyal to a fault and even with Steve's Permission it was still technically cheating and he didn't think he was capable of doing it no matter what the circumstances.  
——-  
Steve nodded. “I just wanted you to know. Just because I have to be... stuck, doesn’t mean you have to be. You aren’t even gay so you could get no enjoyment from our relationship. It’s not fair for you to have to be stuck, and a Virgin the rest of your life.” Steve told him with a shrug and bit his lip. He really wasn’t too ok with his husband dating someone, but Bucky deserved a life.  
——-  
"What about you? I don't really want you to be stuck alone the rest of your life either." He says petulantly. "I guess.. I mean I give you the same permission I guess. You wanna date around and find someone that's really gonna make your heart tick then go for it. I truly don't want you miserable the rest of your life." He was too caring for his own good.  
——  
“If it’s you, you won’t get in trouble with anyone, because you’re you. I’d get in severe trouble, this isn’t my kingdom.” Steve reminded him. “I don’t mind anyhow, I knew I was stuck to this fate, I chose not to off myself, I knew I’d have to be loyal to my husband the rest of my life. So, don’t worry about me.” Steve told him. Not particularly meaning to say all of that. He felt that he probably made a mistake in doing so.  
——  
"Right I would just look like an disloyal douchebag." He huffs. "You wouldn't be in any trouble I would make sure of- wait what did you just say?" He back pedals a bit when the last part of Steve's statement sunk in. "You don't mean that you ever.. oh god Steve no." He whispers in horror and drops the cutting board he had still been holding, rushing forward and pulling the smaller blond into his arms.  
——-  
Steve’s eyes widened and he didn’t know what to do with his hands, he didn’t hug people often, let alone the stranger that was soon to be his husband. Steve didn’t even realize what he said until Bucky reacted that way.   
“Shit, bucky, I’m fine, it’s alright. I was a dumb kid, ok? It was all just stupid childish stuff. Don’t worry about it.” Steve mumbled and brought his hands up to wrap around Bucky. He didn’t think the brunette would respond in such a way, it shocked him.  
——  
"Don't say that. Steve don't even joke about that stuff okay?" Bucky had been there. Multiple times. "There is nothing stupid or childish about feelin like that but.. Dammit. No one deserves feeling like that and I'm so sorry that this is what your life is. Just.. If there's anything I can do to help you you just gotta tell me, alright? Promise me that. I need you to promise me that you ain't gonna hurt yourself no matter what happens." He pulls back a little to look into his eyes when he said That before crushing the younger male back to his chest tightly, rubbing his back.  
——  
Steve sighed and nodded, looking into bucky's eyes got a moment. “I just wanted to be loved as a kid, and I never thought I’d get it, so yeah I got that way, but I promise it’s not a big deal, buck, and I promise I’ll go to you if I ever feel bad again. I promise.” Steve told him, his voice muffled by bucky's broad chest.   
“I know you aren’t gay, I know I can’t get love from you, and I know you’re hurting over this too, so you promise me that you’ll come to me if you’re feeling bad, and promise me That we can Atleast be friends, alright?” Steve demanded  
——  
"I've been there too Steve. Trust me I- I know exactly what you mean. When you meet my father you'll understand. You just gotta know that things are always gonna get better no matter how shitty it is at the moment." he brings a sturdy hand up to cup the back of his head and run through his soft hair. "Just because I'm not.. gay... doesn't mean that I can't love you. Friends love each other all the time." he couldn't even say it without a bitter taste in his mouth now that he was really forcing himself to question if he was or wasn't indeed at least a little bisexual. "I'm really not hurting over it. I promise. I'm alright. I'm glad it's you. You're.. a special guy, Steve. I hate that your whole life has been about this union but I'm glad at the end of the day that you're going to be my husband instead of some terrible asshole like my father or something."  
——-  
Steve nodded and sniffled a bit. All he wanted was a nice dinner and to get to know bucky, and now everything is emotional because of his stupid big mouth.   
“You’re a special guy too, Buck. I’m glad I wasn’t stupid as a kid, and I get to be here now. My life may have sucked, but you’re right, things do get better. You being kind proves that things get better.” Steve told him sincerely.   
He could already feel Bucky becoming a friend, his first real friend. “I’m glad that you’re going to be my Husband too, I couldn’t stand being married to some gross old man or something. I suppose, like your father.” Steve chuckled a bit. He knew it was wrong to poke fun at the king, his father in law, but Bucky kept doing it, so Steve figured doing it Once was no problem  
——  
"I'm also very happy you weren't stupid. I'd be real sad if I never got to meet you." he smiles a little and nudges his nose against the side of Steve's head affectionately. He heard Steve take a crack at his father and his eyes widen and he suddenly just completely loses it- loud and hard laughter filling the luxurious cabin. He doubles over, holding onto Steve tightly as he leans on him while he laughs. "Wheeeew oh man Steve you want the one truly valid excuse for offing yourself? There it is I cannot believe my mother hasn't eaten a bullet yet because of years of being married to that asshole. I wouldn't survive a minute of it. So yeah I guess in that respect you really did get lucky. Least I've got a pretty face."  
——  
Steve couldn’t help himself, he laughed along with Bucky, harder than he had in years. “Oh yeah? Marrying your father is a good reason?” Steve quirked an eyebrow with a smirk on his face.   
Steve reached a hand up to pat bucky's cheek “you’re right, I’m lucky you’ve got such a pretty face.” Steve said absentmindedly “it’s a wonder where you got your looks from if your father is so horrible, bad people are usually pretty ugly.”  
——  
"Damn right it is. He's horrible." he gives a little huff. He glances sideways at where Steve's hand cups his cheek and he smiles softly before dissolving into laughter again. "My ma. I definitely got all my looks from her. though she swears up and down that Alex was and I quote 'a hottie' when he was younger." he shutters a little and shakes his head. But his heart was fluttering in his chest. "You really think I'm good lookin? I was just kidding y'know."  
——  
Steve chuckled, he knew he got his looks from his mother as well, his father had dark hair and brown eyes, whereas his mother had blond hair blue eyes, like Steve did.   
“Yes Bucky, you’re good looking, and I know you already know that.” Steve chuckled and pulled his hand away. ‘Is that too gay? Does Bucky think it’s too gay to talk like this?’ Steve wondered to himself.  
——  
Bucky makes a soft sound and blushes a little. "I mean I.. I dunno." He knew a lot of girls thought he was hot but he also was next in line to the throne so a lot of people would be willing to say anything to try and get into his pants if only just to saddle up into that position by his side. He really wasn't a good judge of himself since he honestly thought very little of himself thanks to years of being knocked down by his father at every possible opportunity.  
——  
Steve frowned at the way Bucky seemed so unsure of himself. “Well, I promise you’re pretty dang good looking to me, I wouldn’t lie to you.” Steve told him and chuckled when he saw the blush that had spread across bucky's cheeks. “Has no one really ever told you that you’re good looking?” Steve asked in mild surprise.  
——  
"No I mean- they have but.. I always figured there was some ulterior motive behind it so I never believed it. Not really." Bucky had a lot of scars hidden under his clothing, a lot of years of stories mapped out on his pale skin. His eyes showed the wear that his smile hid to those who never looked close enough. "Thank you Steve. Really. Thank you. And.. you're really handsome yourself." He brushes a strand of hair behind Steve's ear, a gentle and intimate motion that felt like so much more Considering just how close they were still standing together.  
——  
Steve blushed and let his eyes flutter closed when Bucky moved the piece of hair away from his face. “Not everyone has ulterior motives, buck. People tell you you’re handsome, except that and keep telling yourself that you’re the best lookin guy around.” Steve told him. Steve knew what it was like to not believe things others told him, but Bucky really was handsome, and he deserved to realize that  
——  
He tilts his head a little and looks at Steve curiously. Steve kept calling him 'Buck' which wasn't something people normally did. It was a nickname of his nickname and frankly it made him feel so special because it was just something Steve called him. He smiles and gives Steve a soft squeeze on the hip with his hand. "Thank you Stevie."  
——  
Steve smiled and nodded, and pulled away from Bucky to head back to the kitchen. “Now cmon, no more sappy times, we have a dinner to finish.” Steve told him with a nudge and poured all the veggies into the pot with the sauce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading so far, I hope you’ll stick it out until whenever this thing is finished. This will be regularly updated, hopefully 2-3 chapters a week!   
> Please leave comments! All are appreciated!


	4. Talking

“So, what am I even meant to be wearing for the wedding tomorrow? I was never shown, just taken in for fittings.” Steve questioned, to change the subject to something more... light. “Surely it’s not a dress.” Steve joked, but who knows, with his luck, it would be s dress.  
——  
"What if I like being a sap?" Bucky asks with a grin as he bumps his hip to Steve's on their walk back to the kitchen. "I'm a soft guy! I like cuddles and deep conversations." He laughs as he helps Steve out wherever he could. "Um.. I honestly.. I don't know." He admits with a laugh. "I haven't seen it. But the suit I am wearing it awful Steve oh my god they could not possibly make anything any tighter on my junk or it would suffocate in there. It's horrible." He bemoans the situation.  
——  
Steve laughed, picturing it. “Please tell me it’s not the one your father wore for his?” He chuckled, knowing that it happened sometimes, Kong’s handing down their wedding suit to their son. “I really hope they don’t make me look stupid.” Steve said with a sigh and a shake of his head. “Knowing my mother, she DID get me a dress, she’d be more than delighted by that.”  
——  
"Ew gross no I would burn my skin off before I would wear anything of his. My mother just had a little too much power and free reign of picking it out and designing the suit. It's.. it's somethin." He sighs but shakes his head a little. "Hey. Even if you are stuck in a dress I'm sure you will rock it. You've got a pretty nice figure goin on. You can pull it off." He smiles kindly, trying to comfort him.  
——  
Steve smiled, and started putting food on plates. He really hoped he wouldn’t have a dress on, he would be completely embarrassed. “It sure would made some great photos...” he mumbled and carried plates over to the table. “Come on, sit and eat.” He told Bucky and folded his hands in his lap.  
——  
"Exactly. We will make the best of it I promise. If it makes you feel better we can just act like complete jackasses for the photo shoots, make weird faces and stuff to distract from everything else." He pads quietly over to the table and sits, looking up at Steve wit a lazy grin. "Y'know a man really could get used to this."  
——  
Steve chuckled “I’m sure our parents wouldn’t be too pleased if we were to act like jackasses” Steve reminded Bucky.   
“Get used to what? Me cooking for you?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow. “You kind of should get used to it. I’m sure I’ll be doing it for the rest of our lives.” Steve told him with a chuckle  
——  
"When have I ever cared about what my parents think?" He asks with a little smirk. "And yeah that too but I guess I really just mean.. this. Having someone else around. Someone I can actually talk to. It's just.. easy with you. I dunno. It feels effortless to joke with you and I don't really feel too heavily inclined to act like something I'm not around you. No mask needed." He says with a shy edge to his voice, eyes darting off to the side and unable to really look at the other male.  
——-  
Steve smiled, he was glad Bucky felt comfortable with him. He felt comfortable with Bucky as well. It almost felt to Steve that he’s getting closer to what he wanted in a relationship.   
“You never have to wear a mask with me bucky, I won’t judge you, I know how much it sucks to be judged, and I never want to make anyone feel like that.”  
——  
He lifts his gaze and smiles at him. "Same goes for you man. You can come to me about anything. I'll never give you shit about it unless it's something that potentially threatens your life." He sits up and grabs a fork, twirling some of the pasta around it and swallowing down the mouthful, humming softly. "Mm that's really good. Damn."  
——  
Steve nodded and picked his fork up to start eating. He was taught not to eat until the ‘man of the house’ did. “Thank you, I... I take pride in my cooking. I may not like to cook, but I enjoy that people like it.”  
——  
He gives Steve a soft looks that showed that he understood. "You should be proud. It's really good." He smiles and keeps eating quietly now, just enjoying the flavors of everything they had thrown together. Bucky was more of a pop it in the oven and hope for the best kind of cook so this was a nice change.  
——  
Steve watched Bucky for a moment, a calculating look on his face, he didn’t know if Bucky was just saying that to make Steve feel better, but Steve didn’t think that was the case.   
Steve ate a few more bites before setting his plate aside and setting his hands in his lap again. “What are we meant to do tomorrow? Head to your kingdom and get dressed for the wedding, then get whisked off to be married?” Steve asked Bucky. He really was kept in the dark about most of the details  
——  
"Honestly? As far as I know, yeah. That's exactly what we're supposed to do. I had to write up a speech I will present about the peace treaty between our kingdoms and my official announcement of my position carrying on the throne next. Other than that I don't really know if there's much else on the schedule. I think there may be a dance held afterwards that we will be forced to attend and then we're supposed to go off and do it but since we already agreed that's a no go we can just go chill in A hotel somewhere and take a nice hard soul bonding nap." He chuckles.  
——  
Steve nodded along to what Bucky said. “I don’t think I have any speeches to give... right? If so, I was never told and I am completely unprepared.” Steve said with an awkward chuckle and ran his fingers through his hair.   
“And yes, sex is a no go... neither of us particularly want to do it, so...” Steve shrugged. “Are we meant to be having a honeymoon somewhere?”  
——  
"I'm not sure. Probably not but even if you do someone else would have written it up for you and all you'll have to do is read off cards. I didn't even write my own speech." He chuckles. "I just had a brief moment to look over it before I left to get you. It's so boring." He grimaced. "I don't.. I don't actually know." He raises his eyebrows a bit. "I really should have asked more questions instead of just being grumpy about everything oh boy." He mumbles in terror.  
——  
Steve frowned and nodded “I asked a lot but no one would tell me for some reason, I was pretty much just told to go to my room and mind my own business.” Steve shrugged. He remembered very well how horrible the last year was because of the impending marriage. It was bad when he was a child, but it got much worse over the last year, especially in the week leading up to now  
——  
Bucky makes a face of displeasure and sighs softly. "I'm sorry people have been so shitty to you. You really dont deserve that at all. I can't promise everything is going to get magically better. My parents aren't great. They will probably treat you just as shitty. Or at least my dad will, my mom is kinda alright I guess. But I can promise you that I won't treat you like that. And I'll silently give people death glares when they try to be rude to you."  
——-  
“Thank you. I think people were just scared for me, so they didn’t want to talk about it, all they knew how to do was train me, I think it made them feel better.” Steve shrugged “I’m glad I’ll have you to glare at everyone who is rude.” Steve chuckled a bit and looked down.  
——  
Another small grimace crossed Bucky's lips. People were scared for Steve because he had to go be with Bucky? Did the young man already have that much of a reputation thanks to his father? He sighs and shakes his head a bit. "Sometimes I wish I was not royalty. Or more so that I just am not royalty in this kingdom, under my father's reign of terror. We couldn't just have nice normal lives, could we Steve?"  
——  
Steve let out a laugh and shook his head. “I wish that too. Who knows, maybe we would’ve ended up-“ Steve cut himself off and looked down. He was going to say maybe they would’ve ended up together, but he forgot for a moment that Bucky was straight. “We should go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow.” Steve said quietly, barely above a whisper  
——  
Bucky furrows his eyebrows a little, not understanding why Steve suddenly seemed to cut off and shell shocked. "What's wrong? What were you going to say? We would have ended up...happy?" he looks at him curiously. "We still can be. We can find some way to make this work. I'm not gonna let us both be miserable the rest of our lives. I'm only 21 and you're, what, 18? We've still got a lot in front of us. Can't resign ourselves to being crotchety old men yet."  
——  
Steve shrugged and fought the urge to just get up and go to bed without Bucky. “You don’t even know how old I am.” Steve pointed out. At least he knew buckys age and birthday. “You’re 21, born March 10th. I’m 18, born July 4th. I turned 18 4 months ago.” Steve told him, somewhat bitterly. Steve didn’t know why, but his attitude changed completely. He was just fine moments ago, but as soon as the thought of them being happy together crossed his mind, he became upset.  
——-  
Bucky was definitely thrown off by the sharp change of Steve's mood. He didn't know if he'd done something wrong or not but he was almost scared to ask. "I'm.. sorry? They really didn't tell me much about you either to be fair." He tried to apologize for what he thought may have been the issue. "I'll remember that though. I promise I will. Next year we can have a nice celebration for you. Just the two of us, alright? We can do whatever fun shit you want."  
——  
Steve clenched his jaw. “The problem isn’t my birthday, Bucky, the problem is the fact that you know nothing about me, nothing. I spent the first 13 years of my life learning everything about you. But you know nothing about me. We’re supposed to be getting married... Christ..” Steve mumbled and shook his head, immediately regretting his little rant. “I’m sorry, oh god... I’m sorry Bucky. That’s... it’s not your fault I’m just...”  
——  
"Upset." Bucky concludes for him. "I get it. I really do. I'm sorry." He had his head down, feeling thoroughly chastised for his ignorance. He could have learned more about Steve. It wasn't like he wasn't really given the opportunity. He had just stubbornly refused to learn the things he should have, thinking in his bullheaded youth that if he ignored something like that it would just go away and he would be a free man. He'd been so foolish and now Steve was the one to suffer for it and he felt Horrible. "Tell me about yourself. Please. Anything you want me to know."  
——  
Steve took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He didn’t understand why he was suddenly so upset. He just was. “I’m 18, I like reading, I love art, my father died when I was 9, I’m bisexual, I slept with stuffed animals until I was 15 and my mother took them away, I wanted children years ago, i never had friends, I’m scared of the dark, I’m terrified of death, all I want in life is love.” Steve listed off When Bucky finally finished in the kitchen, Steve sighed in relief. He wanted to go lay in bed and get comfy. He had a Feeling that he would be unable to sleep very well, but just having a comfy bed to lay in was nice for him.  
———  
Bucky listens and nods quietly. "We have a big library in the castle. I spend a lot of my time there. If you like drawing or painting I can arrange to get you an art room set up where you can go and do whatever you please whenever you please. It will just be your room, no one else allowed in it, if you'd like that. I'm sorry about your father and I still sleep with a teddy bear. My dad had no idea Bucky Bear exists and he would probably kill me if he did know but I can't sleep without him." He Gives Steve a sideways smile. "I never put much thought into having children honestly but Steve if you really want it we can talk about options later down the road. And as for your fear of the dark.. I would be happy to provide a light for you when you need it." The words rolled so easily off his tongue he didn't even have time to think about how the implications of that could sound. "And for love.. you'll find it. I promise you will." He reaches across the table and brushes his cheek gently With the backs of his knuckles in a comforting and sweet gesture.  
——  
A small smile spread across Steve’s face and he felt a few tears slip out of his eyes. He didn’t expect Bucky to be so welcoming and kind, especially not after blowing up on him over something so minor. Most couples no nothing about one another for years. “Maybe we could go to the library together... read to each other. And you don’t have to set up a room for me, it’s ok. I can draw or paint in our room, or the library, I never make a mess so there’s never that worry...” Steve told him quietly. “You named a bear after yourself?” Steve asked quietly, amusement in his voice.   
“We don’t have to have children, Bucky. It’s just been a silly fantasy for me, it isn’t important. I gave up on that idea at about 16.” Steve shrugged. “I’m not too sure I’ll find love, Bucky. I’m sure I’ll grow to love you, and I mean, I love my mom, I love some of my guards, I love some of the house keepers, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever have the love I crave. Even if i had your permission to start a relationship With someone else, I don’t think they’d want me because I am already married, I could never give myself fully to them.” Steve told him with a sad smile. “I don’t want you to pity me, or apologize, you are in the same situation as me, and apologizing doesn’t change the situation. I am somewhat thankful for this marriage, our kingdoms will be at peace finally, and there will be no more fighting.” Steve said and reached up to grab bucky's hand that was still against his cheek, and he held it there In his hand for a moment before letting it go  
——-  
Bucky's heart shattered in his chest when he saw the tears welling up in Steve's beautiful and bright blue eyes. He couldn't help but think that there was never a good enough reason for such hurt to exist in such a pure soul. And his heart only broke further when he heard the dad and small voice suggest that they go to the library together and read to each other. Bucky knew his soul was a goner by this point even if the rest of him wasn't going to accept it so easily. "I think that sounds like a Really good idea Stevie. I would love to do that with you. And you can set up wherever you'd like. There's some nice little quiet spots around the castle. Maybe somewhere in front of a window?" He suggests with an easy smile.   
"Ah yes I wasn't the one who named it. It was my little sisters bear once upon a time but I thought she was treating him badly, taking her frustrations of me out on him I suppose, when we were kids so I stole him away and have been cuddling him every night since." He laughed With a faint pink blush on his cheeks. Steve was the first person he'd ever told about Bucky Bear.   
"Doesn't mean it can't happen or that it doesn't hold some value in your heart. I can't promise you anything in that regard but honestly Steve I think someday I wouldn't mind raising a child with you. I think you'd be a good parent." He tried to encourage him to not give up on his dreams even if it would inevitably make their lives more difficult further down the line.   
"Don't give up on yourself Or the idea of what you want. There had to be someone out there for you. I personally believe everybody has a perfect other half out there somewhere, it's all just a matter of finding them but once you do nothing else would even matter. And if someone really loves you they will understand your situation and be willing to stick it out with you regardless." The words got a little stuck in Bucky's threat, suddenly not much a fan at all of the thought of someone else holding Steve in their arms and Stealing him away from Bucky but the brunet knew that he held no real claim on Steve's heart and he needed to cut those thoughts off now. "Yes that's.. supposed to be the deal." He sighs quietly. He wasn't sure how far he would trust his own father on that deal, the man could be a bit of a snake, but if they could end the fighting between Shield and Hydra with this marriage than Bucky supposed he was happy about it as well. He let his hand linger in Steve's hold, enjoying the feeling of the warm And soft palm against his own before his skin grew cold again when Steve dropped his hand. He wanted to reach out and grab it again but he made himself fold his hands neatly in his lap, no pushing limits or trying for something he knew was a lost cause. The words 'I'm sure I'll grow to love you' still circulating in his head.  
——  
Steve listened closely to Bucky, feeling his heart swell. He barely knew Bucky but he seemed to already take care of Steve much better that other people ever had.   
“Bucky, you don’t have to even think about raising a child with me. We have such a complicated relationship, and I don’t think bringing a child into it would be a good idea.” Steve told him with a frown. He really didn’t think raising a child in this type of situation would be helpful or healthy in any sort of way. Unless they both Actually fell for one another, Steve didn’t think they should have a child. Yes Steve wanted it, but it wasn’t about just him, not at all.   
“But Bucky, sometimes the perfect other half won’t be so accepting. They may be your soulmate or something, but that doesn’t meant they have to accept something so complicated and have to give up part of themselves over it. I know I could never do it. Never be in a relationship that could never move foreword. It would be selfish of me to put someone in that Sort of situation.” Steve said and shook his head. “I’m with you till the end of the line, and someone might not want to deal with that. Sure, if someone loved me they would, but not everyone is that kind.” Steve said softly, before frowning. “And what do you mean ‘that’s supposed to be the deal’? Is your father not holding his end of the deal up? Our lives were built off that deal, he has to go through with it before I become a prize of war, and both our kingdoms are turned to ash.” Steve said With worry. He couldn’t handle a war. If there was another one between hydra and shield, he knew both kingdoms would suffer great losses, and he knew he would never make it home. Having your rivals Prince was a great help in a war.  
——  
"I'm not talking about doing anything about it tomorrow. Or even a week from now. I'm just saying I'm not going to entirely disclose it as a non-option because it's something you want. We can spend time working the details out when we get closer to actually being ready to make a decision like that." He puts his hands up in a motion of quick surrender to show Steve he was backing down and they were coming to a draw on the matter before he lets his hands drop back to his lap.   
He listens to Steve Talk with a heavy heart and he frowns deeply. "Then they're not your true other half if they aren't willing to accept something no one can change and you didn't have a choice in. If someone was truly meant to be with you and really wanted to commit to that idea then they will deal with me and this whole marriage thing. I'm not saying it's right and I'm not saying it's fair but it just is what it is." He tilts his head a little and gives a shaky and hesitant smile at Steve. "The end of the line, huh? That better be in your vows, kid. I like the sound of that." He grins and grabs a noodle out of his bowl, sucking it down obnoxiously.   
He sighs heavily and settles back in his chair. "That is the deal that was made. But I don't put it past my father at all to do something stupid or leave some backdoor open in the agreement so he can make a mess of he gets the fancy for it. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, honestly. He's a shady guy and I don't think he fully honestly reports on Everything he does. I don't know what he's doing and maybe I am just being paranoid- I've never seen any actual physical proof of anything fishy- but it's just a really strong feeling I have. He's got something going on in that sick twisted head of his and whether it had to do with our marriage or not I don't trust a thing of it. Just.. keep your eyes on him. Don't trust him as blindly as the people of Hydra do." He warns with a stiff and cold voice, fear obviously affecting the usually animated And happy man. He should not have said anything out loud. He'd been keeping this suspicious feeling to himself for years and now that he put it out in the open he was half worried Pierce was going to have armed guards knock the door down and execute him on the spot for his treasonous thinking. Of course that was a dumb thought but he really was paranoid with good reason to be.   
——  
Steve sighed “your other half doesn’t have to accept something like this. If I were in the position of dating someone who was married, I could never do it, no matter who the person might be. It’s a hard situation for someone to be in.” Steve shook his head.   
“You know, I didn’t even write my own vows, I’ll see if I can add that in there someplace though.” Steve chuckled, then scrunched his nose up in disgust when Bucky sucked on the noodle. “You need to learn proper table manners.” Steve teased but quickly turned serious. Steve listened to Bucky closely. If there was some ‘open backdoor’, Steve would be completely screwed. Steve noted how buckys demeanor changed as soon as the topic moved to his father, he became cold and stiff. That clearly said something about who Alex pierce was.   
“I don’t trust him now, and I didn’t as a child either. I refused to trust a man who would take someone else’s child for their own.” Steve told him and clenched his jaw. “We can’t really keep an eye on him, that would be far too Hard, but we both know he won’t have the throne much longer, he’s getting old, he may not be close to death, but kings always try to give the throne over once they start greying, so they can advise.” Steve told him quietly, with a shrug. He really did not like this conversation, not one bit.  
——  
The room itself seemed to grow darker with Bucky's demeanor. His eyes were twitching and darting around as his hands clench into fists, long elegant pianist fingers shaped into something ready for violence even though there was no current threat to them, at least not that he could fight his way out of. He nods a little. "He's not right Steve. He really isn't. He arranged this marriage for us, knowing that you were a male, and he still has beaten it into me thoroughly that I am wrong and Disgusting in the eyes of God because I am to be wed to a man. He liked to accompany any mention of my marriage with a backhand to the face and a curse on my name because homosexuality is so deeply amoral and wrong. Yet he's the one who set it up.." his fists clench tighter and his jaw gets a hard and stubborn set to it, head bowed as he breathes harder from pain and anger at the memories of his teenage years, which had been spent in pure misery and pain. "There's something bigger going on. I Know it has to be. He's hiding something, from me and probably everyone else. And once I take the crown I will find out what he's doing and I will burn it to the ground." He vows with single minded solidarity in his voice.  
——  
Steve hesitantly reached across the table and took buckys hand in his own. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but in this moment, Bucky scared him. “You are not wrong, you are not disgusting, and you never deserved to be hit. You don’t get to choose who you like, and in this situation, you don’t get to choose who you marry. Being gay, or bisexual isn’t wrong, not at all. It’s actually quite normal. He’s just old in his ways and likes to manipulate you.” Steve sighed and ran his thumb across the back Of bucky's hand. “You are a good man, Bucky. You really are. We will get through the rest of your father's reign, and we will take care of whatever it is that he’s doing, when you take the crown.” Steve told him softly.  
——-  
The brunet looks down when he felt Steve's soft hand clasp around his own, his muscles relaxing under the hold, unable to risk hurting the boy by retaining the tension. He listens to the comforting and encouraging words of his future husband and he smiles a little. "I know you're right. I never thought there was anything wrong with it. I still don't really understand why people like him think it's some big deal that two guys or two gals want to marry each other but his mental disorder isn't my Problem I guess. Now that I'm an adult and can and will kick his ass into the dirt he's stopped hitting me so much. Just calls me a 'faggot' in the most loving way a father can look his boy in the eye and say something like that to him." He huffs quietly, shaking his head and turning his hand over so his palm was pressed against Steve's and he could interlock their fingers together to hold his hand properly. "Thank you Steve. I know this isn't an ideal situation for you but I personally am glad You're here and I'm with you to the end of the line too, pal." He smiles softly up at him.  
——-  
“Don’t listen to your father, his opinion isn’t important on anything in your life, it’s all up to you on how you want to live your life.” Steve told him softly “don’t beat your father up because that will just cause issues for the both of us.” He scolded and shook his head. “I’m glad i'm here too, but this /is/ a complicated situation, and it really sucks.” Steve mumbled and shrugged. “Now cmon, let’s go to bed, ok? It’s late and we have a big day tomorrow, we don’t want to be tired.” Steve Told him and stood up, lightly tugging bucky's hand. “Lead me to the bedroom, I still don’t know where it is.”  
——  
He smiles and laughs a little. "No one will argue with you about the 'sucking' part. There certainly are a hundred better circumstances for two people to meet and be married under. Then again there probably are worse ones too that we're just not thinking of." He stands and collects their dishes off the table, laying them in the sink but still holding onto Steve's hand almost mindlessly. He didn't seem to even really realize he was doing It, he was just that comfortable around Steve already. The Heat of their hands locked together was very reassuring and grounding. Bucky knew he was not alone in this anymore. Steve knew some of his secrets, and didn't think he was crazy and didn't judge him for the shortcomings he knew about so far. The more Bucky thought about it the more it seemed like something with Steve really could work out despite the part of I'm that had a fear reflex built in now for even looking at other males.  
——  
Steve trailed after Bucky, not caring to pull their hands apart. If he had the opportunity to tell his younger self that Bucky wouldn’t be all that bad, he would’ve never believed it. Steve currently, didn’t believe it! Steve was pretty happy with how things have been going so far, he trusted Bucky a bit already, which was shocking for him. He didn’t give his trust so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took longer than usual, I had a CRAZY work week, and didn’t reallt have the time or will to post.   
> Next chapter should be up Sunday night or Monday night.


	5. Sleeping arrangements and heading to hydra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look, updating earlier than I thought, it’s a miracle! I got taken off working tomorrow so I figured I’d post!   
> You’ll either be seeing another chapter Monday, or Thursday!

He heard the soft sigh and glances at Steve in concern but when he saw the expression on his face he wasn't so worried anymore. Steve looked calm. At ease. Which Bucky felt probably was not a normal state of being for the blond. He tugs gently on his hand and leads him back to the bedroom. "How do you want to do this? Obviously you are sleeping in the bed but where do you want me?" Bucky didn't really figure that given a choice Steve would want to sleep in the same bed as him so he thought he Would just offer other options up right away to avoid an awkward conversation.  
——  
Steve furrowed his brows and gave Bucky a look. “We’re going to be sharing a bed for the rest of our lives, I don’t see an issue with starting now. Just, please don’t touch me or anything. Accidental brushes against me are fine, but no holding me or anything...” Steve told him with a shrug. He didn’t particularly like being held, it felt like he was trapped. Hugs were ok as long as they didn’t last long, but being held as he slept? No.   
Steve sat on the big, elegant bed that was positioned in The middle of the room, and he smiled, it was soft and as he imagined clouds would feel like. He only took a moment to enjoy it before standing again and heading to his bag of clothing to grab out some silky pajamas.  
——-  
Bucky nods and makes a little face. "We don't have to. There are more than enough rooms in the castle. You can have your own room and sleep in your own bed if you wish. I won't blame you and no one really needs to know about it. If it makes you more comfortable and happy we can easily arrange something." He explains calmly as he drops his hand and digs through the drawer he already had full of his clothes from the time he spent hidden away here. He finds a pair of loose grey sweatpants and an Oversized red shirt he liked to wear to sleep. He was admittedly curious about Steve's firm objection to being held but he figured it he put himself in the young boys shoes he probably would feel the same. "I'll try to keep my hands to myself." He mumbles softly though he was a little nervous. Bucky was an octopus when it came to cuddling and he was afraid he would accidentally grab Steve in the middle of the night, attracted to the heat of another body next to his own. "Are you certain you Wouldn't rather I find another place to sleep?"  
——  
Steve shook his head and laid down on his side, pulling a blanket tightly around his body. “You’re fine here I don’t mind.” Steve shrugged and sighed. “Just.. make sure you keep your hands to yourself.” Steve reminded him before reaching over to turn the lamp off. “Goodnight, Bucky. Try to get some sleep.” Steve told him quietly and curled himself into a small ball.  
——  
Bucky changed clothes quickly and gave the bed a nervous look before he crawled into it, laying as close to the edge of his side as he possibly could, hoping that he would be more likely to fall off the side than to scoot all the way across the bed to grab Steve. He tucks himself loosely under the blanket and closed his eyes as the room was encompassed in darkness. He doubted he would be sleeping much either but..   
within less than ten minuets he was completely unconscious.  
——-  
Steve had been laying in the bed for over an hour when he felt arms make their way around him. He gritted his teeth and tensed up before elbowing Bucky in the chest. “Goddammit, James! Do I need to make a wall in the middle of the bed?” He asked incredulously, upset at being touched.   
He hated being touched, most he received as a child were slaps when he messed up. Not to mention he was taught when your husband grabs you like that, he more than likely wants sex. He knew Bucky wouldn’t have sex With him, but that didn’t stop the anxiety from bubbling up in his chest  
——  
Bucky had no idea what had happened, he was completely unconscious of the fact that he had moved at all but when he felt Steve's sharp and bony elbow jab hard into his solar plexus and curse at him it wasn't hard to guess what he'd done. He gasps in pain and his eyes fly open, hands quickly being jerked off Steve's body to cover his own chest protectively. "Jesus!" He pants breathlessly, trembling a little in shock and hurt. Breathing hurt a lot at the moment and his elevated heart rate from So suddenly being woken up wasn't helping anything. "Really? Was that really necessary?" He scowls at Steve and stumbles out of the bed, grabbing his pillow and blanket, marching out to the couch and collapsing onto it without another word. He could be the grouchiest man alive when disturbed from sleep like this and he was not coherent enough to have a conversation about it so he took the easiest way out he could manage and just removed himself from the situation entirely.  
——  
Steve sighed and shook his head, standing up to follow Bucky. He leaned against the doorframe and looked at him. “Cmon Bucky, I’m sorry, I just don’t like being touched... come back to bed, I promise I won’t elbow you again.” Steve mumbled and looked down in shame. “If you touch me, I’ll just deal with it. I promise.” Steve told him with a frown. He felt bad for elbowing Bucky so hard, he didn’t mean to, he just meant to wake him or push him off.  
——-  
Bucky grumbles something and turns over so his face was hidden in the back couch cushion, blanket pulled up to his ears. He clearly was not accepting the offer anytime soon nor was he going to give Steve the time of day enough to discuss it. He was going to sleep again and in the morning he would go on pretending like nothing ever happened as he always did when something happened that he didn't like.   
He could feel Steve still hovering near the foot of the couch so he grabs one of the throw Pillows off the floor and he launches it blindly in what he thought was probably the direction Steve was standing, a silent invitation to leave him alone.  
——  
Steve winced when the pillow came flying at his face, and he slowly made his way back to the bedroom. He ended up sitting on the floor at the end of the bed, an angry blush on his face. How could he be so stupid? His mother taught him better, you let your husband do what he wants. Steve sighed and shook his head, bringing his knees up to his chest, just staring at the wall. He stated that way the rest of the night. He didn’t get any sleep at all.  
——  
Bucky woke up a few hours later and crawls off the couch, stumbling to the bathroom and brushing his teeth before going to the kitchen to see if he could grow something haphazardly together for breakfast. He was tired and not particularly in the best mood ever but he would manage to push last nights incident aside. He recognized that it was his fault and he was more annoyed at himself for not being able to do one little thing that Steve needed him to do. 'Don't touch me' was a pretty basic and Good rule to abide by and he couldn't even follow that. God he couldn't stand himself sometimes. He slams the cabinet door shut a little harder than necessary, grimacing at it like it had personally offended him.  
——-  
Steve winced when he heard the cabinet slam. It must’ve been because of him, what happened last night.   
Steve stood up off the floor and slowly made his way to Bucky. He glanced at him for a moment before looking back down “I’m sorry about last night, really. I didn’t mean to elbow you, it was just... I’m sorry. I won’t let it happen again, I promise. We’re able to sleep in the same bed without problems, it’s ok.” Steve mumbled and stayed to the far edge of the kitchen, that way he wasn’t too Close if Bucky got mad.  
——-  
Bucky startled a little when he heard the soft voice somewhere behind him. He steadied himself on the counter and glances over his shoulder at Steve. "No. You're.. you're fine. It wasn't your fault. Really. I'm pissed off at myself, not you." He explains as calmly as he could. He could see the fear and tension in Steve's stance and he understood that the blond was scared of him. It made his stomach feel heavy like he'd swallowed a pound of lead. He didn't want Steve to be scared of him. "I Shouldn't have touched you. I didn't mean to. Honestly. It just.. happens I guess. You can ask any of my friends, any time I'm in any close proximity to another warm body I try to cuddle it. I should have insisted on sleeping on the couch in the first place. I'd hoped maybe consciously thinking about not doing it would help but I was wrong and I'm sorry."  
———  
Steve bit his lip and shook his head. “No it’s ok. I need to get used to being touched, I guess. You’re going to be my husband today. You... we have to kiss later, we have to dance and act like a couple.” Steve said with a sigh. “Don’t be mad at yourself, ok? I need to just stop thinking about touch in the way that I do.” Steve told him and moved slightly closer to Bucky.  
——  
"How do you think of it?" Bucky felt his blood run a few degrees colder, terrified of the answer he would hear. If anyone ever hurt Steve he would make it his personal mission to make them pay. He noticed the boy inching closer and he doesn't move from his spot, letting Steve approach him at his own pace and comfort level without making him feel pressured at all of he could help it.  
——-  
Steve frowned and felt his heartbeat speed up. “Was never touched lovingly. Only loving touches were when I performed correctly. Touching means I get hurt, or sex. Or at least that’s what I was taught.” Steve mumbled. “I don’t like being hit, and I don’t want to have sex.” Steve told him, his voice cracking towards the end. He took a deep breath and leaned against the wall  
——  
The young princes frown only deepens and he sighs quietly. "I know you never experienced that but not all touching is bad. Honestly sometimes nothing makes a bad day better other than giving a hug to a loved one or close friend. Whenever I'm sad I always call Natasha or Sam and make them come hug and cuddle me or I'd be in a bad mood for the rest of the week." He chuckles softly. "I will never expect you to give more than you want or push yourself to levels you're uncomfortable with but I Promise that any time I ever lay a hand on you it will be completely platonic and friendly. I'd never hurt you or intentionally make you uncomfortable."  
——  
Steve listened closely to Bucky and nodded, still unsure. He believe Bucky that he would never touch Steve without him consent, but he was still worried.   
Steve was having a particularly bad day at the moment, so he listened to buckys advice and moved forward, wrapping his arms around Bucky tightly, and buried his face in bucky's neck. “Teach me how it’s supposed to be, how hugging and touching is meant to be. Nice.” Steve begged  
———  
As soon as Steve moved closer to him and trapped Bucky in a tight hug the brunette's arms immediately wind gently around his waist, holding him close and resting his cheek on top of Steve's fluffy blond hair with a small smile. "I would be happy to, Steve." He mumbles quietly and just relaxed in the boy's arms, letting Steve feel warmth and safety from his strong arms, letting no negative energy stand between them.  
——  
“I don’t want to be married.” Steve whines into bucky's shoulder. “I’m just a kid, I haven’t experienced life yet, I want to be at home with my mom, finding someone to court, someone who I can take things slow with!” Steve told him, finally letting his frustrations out, having never done that before. He kept everything bottled up, never letting anyone else hear what he had thought. That goes to show how much Steve trusted Bucky, he just couldn’t hide it from the other man.  
——-  
Bucky nods sadly. "I know, Steve. I know." He squeezes him a little tighter to comfort him. "I want the same. I wish I was able to find and fall in love with someone and share my life with them and have them be happy to be by my side. It kills me to know that you're miserable in this and there is nothing I can do about it. I want to make it better for you Steve. I want to give you everything you want and I can't." His voice was anguished, head dropping to the boys shoulder in shame and hurt.  
——-  
“I’m just a kid.” Steve whimpered, and felt his lower lip tremble. “I’m sorry you can’t get what you want, Bucky. I’m sorry I’m all you’ll ever have.” Steve apologized and sniffled. “I wish you could have a life outside of me, a life you’d actually want...” he mumbled, thoughts swirling through his head. Neither of them actually wanted this, but they were forced to go through with it, and deal with the pain it would bring the both of them.  
——-  
"I'll learn to adjust for myself. That's not really my problem. I'm just upset that you are not getting what you want and that you're being forced into this. I don't mind it, Steve. There are force worse people I could be wedded to. Would I rather fall in love with someone first? Yes. Would I like it to be my choice who I marry? Of course. But I can deal with it for myself." Bucky really was a selfless man. He cared about others far too deep and Steve already had him caught in his web with those Sad and pale blue eyes that told stories of pain and sadness that came from never having a choice in his life of what his future was to be.  
——  
Steve sniffled and shook his head. “You’re far too selfless, Bucky. You need to think about yourself too.” He told him and pulled away, and looked into bucky's stormy blue eyes. “I wish we could run away and be through with all of this. We could go far away, find people we love, while being friends.” Steve sighed, it was all one big fantasy that would never happen. He was tied to his fate, he was to marry Bucky in mere hours. “Let’s just... let’s get going to the castle now, we must get ready.” Steve said and tried to compose himself, wiping his eyes and straightening out his clothes, standing tall and brave.  
——-  
Bucky gives a little chuckle, shaking his head. "Nah. I keep myself human this way. I don't want to do anything that could put me in the same direction as my worthless father. He cares for no one so i care for everyone." He explains calmly. He chuckles a little. "I wish we could do that. We'd be best friends. Hell we could build little cabins beside each other and be annoying neighbors and our spouses could gripe to each other about how stupid we are.." he sighs. "I wish I wasn't supposed to be A king. I would give anything to just be a normal guy." He sighs and gives Steve a soft pat on the back before moving away slowly. "You're right. We should get going before they send Rumlow out to fetch us. Last thing I want to do is deal with his ass more than I have to."  
———  
Steve chuckled a bit at the statement And nodded “just make sure you care for yourself, At Least a little.” Steve told him and sighed. “We’d make great friends, had we not been put in this situation.” He agreed and pulled on his overcoat. “Hopefully they haven’t already sent him to come get us.”  
——  
"I care enough for myself to get out of bed in the morning. That's about as good as it gets." He chuckles and throws his boots and jacket on, walking outside and whistling for Winter, waking the lazy horse up from his sleep and calling him to the porch where he could stroke his nose and murmur soft praise to the horse. "You have everything you need? I'll tack him and Striker and we can get going."  
——  
Steve nodded and motioned to the two bags in his hands. “Got everything I’m aloud to bring with me” He said and followed Bucky to the horses, reaching out to winter slowly, the horse immediately resting his snout in steve's hand. Steve smiled and pet the horse, moving forward to kiss his snout slightly and sighed happily. “I can’t imagine this guy hurting a fly. He’s such a sweetheart.” Steve commented, still paying close attention to the horse who was still pushing his head against Steve’s hand.  
——  
Bucky gave himself a moment to watch them interact before he grabs the saddle off the railing and settles it on Winter's back, tightening the girth around his belly and giving him a solid pat on the hip. "Don't let him fool you. He's not generally this well mannered. Especially around strangers. He's made me eat dirt more than a few times and I have never fallen off a horse before him." He walks out and had to grab Steve's horse by the halter and drag him to the porch to tack him up. He Was not as intelligent as Winter though he was far more docile, which was rather surprising considering he was mainly Rumlows mount. Bucky quickly got all the gear on both the horses and received a nip on the ass from Winter when he bent over to grab his bag off the ground. "Ey! Watch it bud." He scolds the horse but laughs it off, putting his hands on winter's back and pulling himself up easily.  
———  
Steve laughed and patted winters head one more time before mounting his own horse. “Looks like I’m not the only one admiring your ass.” Steve said absentmindedly and blushed bright red immediately after realizing what he said. “Oh god, I didn’t- I just meant... I haven’t been staring at it, I promise!” He rushed out, and looked down at his horse, avoiding bucky's eyes. He couldn’t believe he just said that! He could be so stupid sometimes... “I wouldn’t just uh, stare at your butt, it would be Disrespectful, and would make you uncomfortable.” Steve mumbled. He had admittedly taken a few glances at buckys butt, however, he had never stared, he didn’t want Bucky to accidentally notice and become uncomfortable.  
———  
Bucky seems to perk up a little when Steve let the sentence slip and he laughs, a full bodied loud and lingering laugh. "Steve relax. You're fine. I can take a joke it's alright." He settles more comfortably into the saddle and pulls back a bit on winters reigns to get the horse to walk backwards before turning him around. "I'd be lying if I didn't say I was flattered, frankly." He chuckles softly and clicks his tongue, giving the black horse a soft kick in the side to trot off. "Come on Steve!"  
——-  
Steve was still blushing furiously, even after Bucky had clearly shown he wasn’t offended in any way. “You make me nervous.” Steve eventually admitted to Bucky “I don’t know what to say, or how to act, it’s nerve wracking.” Steve told him with a sigh, his bright red face now dulled to a light pink color.  
——-  
"Don't be all nervous around me." He shakes his head a bit. "I'm just another guy. I'm klutzy and unorganized and I can make an ass of myself without even trying because there is no brain to mouth filter in existence for me. I'm human." He shrugs slightly and glances over at Steve


	6. These boys... could they get in more trouble?

"Come on. None of the riding behind me bullshit. Even if you want to ogle my ass. Winters's not a fan of other horses walking behind him so get up here." That wasn't entirely the truth- since they almost always had Armed guards riding behind them Winter was quite used to others being in close proximity to his back. But Steve didn't really need to know that right now. And screw the social hierarchy where Steve was legally required to stay behind Bucky. It wasn't respectful, it was annoying.  
——-  
Steve hesitated before kicking at the horse's side, making him move forward next to Bucky. “I shouldn’t be riding next to you, Bucky. It’s disrespectful.” Steve told him with a frown. He really did believe that he was below Bucky, that he should submit to Bucky. Sure he was all for women’s rights to be equal, but when it came to himself, he felt completely different. “And I have reason to be nervous, you’re my husband, I have expectations. Not only expectations to you, but to everyone else too”  
——-  
Bucky lets out a deep sigh and sags a little in his saddle, looking distressed. "No okay first of all it's not respectful. It's irritating as all hell. I like to be able to look at people when I talk to them and since I'm not exactly keen on the idea of riding my horse backwards you being behind me makes me antsy. And you have no expectations to fill besides the ones we mutually decide on in this shit show of a relationship. There's no law written in stone you have to do things a certain way. It Is the way it has been done for a long time because people are too scared to break out of tradition but those people aren't me. I hate tradition and I hate the fact that you think you need to act like some dainty dame in my presence. You're not." He huffs angrily.  
———  
Steve looked down, and angry blush on his face. “Don’t get pissed with me, ok? I’m just doing what was beat into my head, I can’t just change my way of living in two damn seconds.” Steve grumbled and clenched his jaw. “I can’t help it’s how I grew up, just like you can’t help how you grew up. I’m all about things changing like that, but I can’t do it when it comes to myself. I see the need to be how my mother raised me, I can’t help it!” Steve said, somewhat upset now. He couldn’t stop the fact That he felt the need to be a ‘dainty dame’  
———  
"I'm not pissed at you I'm pissed at literally everything else besides you. I'm well aware it is not your fault and I'm not blaming you." He growls and runs a hand down his face in frustration. "Just.. we gotta work with each other, okay? There's things we're not going to like about one another. It not like we were carved out of stone to be perfect fits for each other or any other fairy tale bullshit. We're both humans and we have led very separate lives until now. I get this. I am not expecting You to adapt immediately. Just try to lose the attitude when I try to tell you that something is okay." He looks out over the top of winters head, not able to meet Steve's stare.  
——-  
Steve glared at the ground in front of them “I haven’t got an attitude when you tell me something is ok. I get an attitude when you don’t understand that it’s hard for me to be a normal male. I’m just a kid, still. Maybe not by law, but I feel like I’m a little /girl/ still most of the time! This is hard. If I give you an attitude, I don’t mean to, but at the same time, I just can’t help but give you an attitude.” Steve mumbled, making sure to stress the word girl.  
———  
Bucky glares at the rising sun ahead of them like it had insulted him. He honestly tried to think through his next response, trying to keep words from just flying out of his mouth at random. "I.. okay. I understand. I do. It probably doesn't seem like it but I do know what you're saying. Everything you've ever been told has pretty much been a lie and that's a lot to sit on and take in the course of a day. I probably seem like an asshole and I'm sorry. I'm trying to learn what's going on here Still and my dad wasn't exactly wrong when he said that I'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes. I'm trying here Steve. I'm sorry."  
——-  
Steve sighed “I know, it’s ok. I’m trying too, but as you said, it’s a lot to take in over just one day. I went from being an obedient little girl, to being told that’s not what’s expected of me. My head is a jumbled up mess, and I haven’t slept in... 6 Days.” He said and glanced over at Bucky, who was still glaring at the sun. “We just need to try and understand eachother better, get a more intimate feel as to how we both live on a day to day basis, and learn how to combine it.” Steve Told him, and pet his horses neck to calm himself down. He was once again, anxious. He could feel himself starting to shake slightly, and he took deep breaths to remind himself everything was ok  
——  
Bucky's eyebrows rise when he heard that. "Six days? Holy shit Steve even my record is like 4. That is not healthy. Soon as we get this whole wedding thing over with you need to sleep a whole day or something." He says in shock.   
"We will. We'll get it. We've only known each other for a day. No where near enough time to figure everything out about each other. We're good. We're on the right track I promise." He could see Steve getting nervous so he tried to talk him down, tell him things he Thought would help to keep him calm.  
——-  
Steve sucked in a breath and nodded. “6 Days, I think. Maybe 5? 7? I’m not sure.” He said in embarrassment, he couldn’t even keep track of the days anymore.   
“Some Days I wear women’s underwear” Steve blurted out, seeing as they were talking about figuring out things about each other. Steve covered his mouth with his hand, as if that could shut him up. Sometimes he said the stupidest things. “Oh god, you didn’t need to know that.” Steve said with wide eyes  
——-  
Bucky just shakes his head. That was very much not healthy and he felt the deep need to make sure he slept more and would be healthier.   
He was a little startled by Steve's sudden outbursting confession but he smiles a little. "Yeah? They're pretty comfy right?" He gives him a comforting smile. "I stole a few pairs of Tasha's panties and wear em sometimes. Mostly I was curious but then I discovered that they are actually really damn nice, specially those satin ones." He hums quietly, letting Steve know that it was okay. He wasn't freaked out and he wasn't about to have any issue with this.  
——-  
Steve sighed in relief and nodded. “I grew up as a girl, so naturally I got curious about girls undergarments and took some women’s underwear I found in the clean laundry... a, a bra too, just to see what it was like. Didn’t like the bra, but the underwear were more comfy than I’m used to.” Steve said, relieved to be able to open up to Bucky about such small things. He had never admitted to wearing women’s underwear before. “Why’d you bother taking any from Natasha?” Steve questioned, not Judging Bucky, just curious about it.  
———  
Bucky listened to Steve talk and he nods along. "Never had the temptation to try a bra. I've heard Natasha bitch about them enough and I know that the first thing she does when she gets home alone of take hers off so I figured there's probably no comfort value to them at all that would be worth my while to try since I have no legitimate need for it at all." He tilts his head a little. "Just cause they were there, I guess. I mean my dad would have probably taken me out back and executed me if he Thought I was buying panties for myself. And it's not like Natasha really cared so.. it was easy."  
——-  
Steve nodded along and bit his lip. “When ma saw the panties in my room, she was more than delighted. Her 14 year old son was finally attempting to be her daughter. Or I guess that’s how she saw it?” Steve shrugged nonchalantly. “She ended up buying me a few pairs of my own, but that’s ten most female stuff I’d let her buy me.” Steve said with a slight chuckle.  
——  
Bucky smiles a little and shakes his head. "You can wear whatever you want around me. It makes no difference to me." He smiles and reaches down to pat Winters shoulder as they walk, the horse twitching a little. Bucky's eyes dart around, picking up on the horses nervous energy. "What is it boy?" He asks softly and glances over at Steve. Bucky had his broadsword sheathed on the side of his saddle and his left hand twitches towards it, ready to fight his way out of anything and protect Steve.  
———  
Steve’s heart fell into his stomach when Bucky reached towards his sword, and he gave him a nervous glance, looking around them. “What’s wrong?” Steve asked worriedly and realized that sadly, he had no weapons. He wasn’t aloud to be trained with them much through his life, so he never carried them. Now, he could potentially need to protect himself, and to put it in the lightest terms, he was screwed.  
——-  
"I'm not sure. Winter's getting twitchy. He's not the most reliable alert system since he startles at just about everything but I've learned it's better to be ready for anything. Could be an enemy ready to kill us, or it could be a rabbit hiding in the grass or anything in between." He shrugs and pulls his sword out, the silver blade shining brightly in the slowly rising sun. There were deep blue and red gems nestled in the hilt of the deadly weapon and Bucky held it in a steady and sure hand.  
———  
“Better be a bunny...” Steve mumbled and continued glancing around, pointedly ignoring the sword in buckys hand. “I’m completely unprepared for any sort of situation like this... if we ever got attacked...” Steve sighed and finally took a moment to look over at Bucky. “Maybe you could teach me to fight.” Steve suggested hesitantly. “It would be helpful for the both of us.”  
——-  
Bucky looks over in mild surprise but he nods and smiles eagerly. "Hell yeah Steve I would love to teach you how to fight. I know I can't always protect you so it'll be good for me to know that you can look out for yourself." He smiles tensely  
——-  
Steve smiled and nodded. “I’d appreciate learning, that way I can protect-oof!” Steves sentence was cut off when striker bucked up on his hind legs, throwing Steve off of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped work today, in celebration of my first day calling in since I got my job months ago, here is a chapter *bows lazily*


	7. Meeting friends

Steve wasn’t all too sure of what happened, he had his eyes squeezed shut and was gripping at his ribs, which were most definitely broken from the way he fell onto the ground.  
———  
Bucky watched it happen and he was powerless to do anything to stop it. He gave a shout of Steve's name and jerks back hard on Winters reigns to make the horse stop before he jumps off, dropping his sword as he kneels beside Steve. "Steve? Steve are you okay? You with me bud?" He asks in panic, not sure what to do with his hands so he waves them around helplessly.  
——  
Steve whimpered and nodded, still clutching his midsection. “Ribs” Steve managed to grind out through the pain. “What... what happened?” Steve asked, his eyes still squeezed shut. He couldn’t believe the pain in his Ribs, it wasn’t like anything he had felt before.  
——-  
"Something spooked Striker and the tossed you." He says quietly while looking around for any signs of what had scared the horse. Striker was usually pretty unflappable so he was definitely more worried now. Winter had his ears pinned to his head and his tail was flicking around anxiously so Bucky makes sure to grab his sword and tie it to his belt just in case. "It's not that far back to the castle, do you think you can finish out the ride?" He didn't want to linger here longer than they Absolutely had to though he had no idea what he should do about Steve's ribs.  
——  
Steve attempted to sit up and cried out in pain. “Can’t... I can’t sit up.” He mumbled and tightened the grip around his midsection “you go back and get a doctor or someone... I’ll be fine.” Steve told him through gritted teeth. He really didn’t want to be out there alone, but he didn’t think he really had a choice in the matter. The longer they both stayed, the more screwed they’d be.  
———  
"Yeah no. No way in hell am I leaving you out here hurt and completely unable to protect yourself. He looks at winter and purses his lips. "Ah fuck this is maybe one of the dumbest ideas I've ever had." He gets up, legs shaking a little and he digs through his bag, pulling out a notebook and writing a note to Natasha on it. 'Steve hurt, need medical assistance' and he pins it to the saddle of his horse. "Alright you jackass if you understand a word I'm saying you need to go and find Natasha, Okay?" He grabs the halter of his horse and pulls his head down so they were eye to eye. "You understand? Find Natasha and bring her back here. She'll know what to do." He lets go of the halter and steps back, giving the horse a smack on the rear and yelling at him to get going, watching him bolt off across the field. "I really hope he comes back." He sighs and takes a seat in the grass next to Steve. They still had Striker if he needed to make an immediate retreat but nothing seemed to be Attacking them at the moment even with a lot of golden opportunities so he was more concerned about Steve's ribs now.  
——-  
“You’re a complete idiot! He’s smart and all, but he’s a horse! You should have left me, I would’ve been fine!” Steve scolded him and tried to cross his arms over his chest but only succeeded in hurting himself worse. “I’m meant to be getting married today, I’m injured and can’t move, and my husband sent a horse to find help!” Steve ranted, more to himself than Bucky. “This is ridiculous. How am I meant to marry you today? I can’t even stand. Oh god... I’m going to be in... I’m going to be in Trouble, my mother is going to hate me! Not to mention your parents- ive ruined everything!” Steve said in panic and looked at Bucky with wide eyes. Everyone would hate him. He couldn’t get married because he was dumb enough to get thrown off of a horse  
——  
"Steve calm down!" Bucky yells, hating having to raise his voice to the boy but knowing it was the only way he was going to get through his panic. "I know Winter didn't understand jack shit of what I said but he's a horse. He knows where home is and I know he's going to go there. Since Natasha and Sam are the only other two people that can even get close to him without being killed when someone finds him wandering around town they will call for them and Nat will read my note and find us. I'm not Stupid. And no one is going to be in trouble. It's not your fault. This shit happens. Horses are unpredictable idiots. It's weird that Striker bucked you but even bombproof horses can freak over certain things. No one is going to blame you and I will explain what happened and see if we can get the wedding date pushed back until you can heal up a little, okay? It's gonna be alright Steve I promise."  
——  
Steve shook his head and felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. “I don’t want the wedding moved, I want it over with, please don’t move it bucky.” Steve said with a voice filled with sadness. He didn’t know why, but he was in a complete and utter panic. He wasn’t thinking completely straight, he just knew he wanted the wedding and the day over with. “I don’t want to disappoint anyone, I just want to be married already.” Steve whimpered and tried moving closer to Bucky, whimpering as he Did so. As much as he disliked touch, that’s all he wanted right now. He wanted someone to pet his hair and comfort him before he went into a full blown panic attack.  
——-  
Bucky could feel his heart crack and little chunks break off and fall to the ground as he listens to Steve whimper. "Steve you cannot even stand up. No one is going to make you try to get married with broken ribs like this. It's not a big deal. We'll just wait a couple of days so you can get on your feet again." He notices how Steve seemed to be trying to get closer to him and he moves so he was sitting right beside him and could pull the trembling blond into his lap. He puts one arm around his Shoulders and one hand came up to cup the back of his head, petting through his silky blond hair gently. "It's gonna be alright Steve. There's no need to panic. I'm gonna take care of you, okay? I promise. I've got you." He whispers soothingly into his ear.  
——-  
Steve nodded, taking deep breaths. He didn’t understand why he was in such a panic, he should be happy the wedding would be put off. That would mean he gets to spend more time learning more about Bucky.   
Steve buried his face in buckys chest and tried to focus on the feeling of buckys fingers running through his hair. “Thank you.” Steve mumbled eventually after having calmed down. Bucky really had helped him, shockingly. “How long do you think it will be until Natasha or Sam comes?..”  
——-  
Bucky could feel Steve slowly relaxing in his hold so he kept the actions up, happy to help the blond. "I dunno. It depends I guess. They could be on their way now or it could be a few hours. Depends on how long it takes for Winter to get there and for them to get the note off his saddle. I'm sure he's about hit the castle by now though so hopefully not too long." He was keeping himself calm outwardly but inside he was wound tight, ready to jump on any sign of danger.  
———  
Steve nodded and bit his lip. “I hope it’s soon. How... how am I meant to get back to the castle though? I can’t move well.” Steve said with a frown. He didn’t understand how they planned to get him back. Any bump and movement would hurt him worse, and who knows, a rib could puncture his lung on the way back.  
———  
"We will figure something out. There's got to be some way that three people can move you painlessly as opposed to just one. Hopefully Natasha will be smart and will bring some medical supplies so we can wrap your ribs to support them until we get you to the hospital." He sighs and runs his fingers through Steve's floppy bangs, playing with the golden fringe of hair gently.  
——-  
Steve’s eyes drifted shut and he pushed into buckys hand with a sigh. “This really isn’t how I wanted to meet your friends...” he mumbled sadly “was hoping to make a good first impression. Wanted to make friends with them.” Steve admitted sheepishly with a blush.  
——  
"Oh don't worry about that. My friends genuinely are nice people. I mean Natasha is scary as hell at first, and Sam can be a little cynical but once they get to know you they will love you. I promise. Hell Sam is probably going to try to be your best friend. He's always complaining he's tired of only having my dumbass to talk to." He sighs with a light chuckle. He knew Steve was worried about making friends and finding his place in all this and Bucky wanted to help as much as he could. He also Knew that Sam and Tasha would be good resources for the blond to use as well since they were maybe more so familiar with everything in the kingdom than rebel child Bucky himself.  
——-  
Steve nodded and bit his lip. “You think they’d like me?..” he asked nervously. “I just want to have something in your kingdom, yknow? Friends are something, a big something.” Steve shrugged and looked up at Bucky from his spot on buckys lap. Steve wanted this all to work out, he wanted a happy marriage, he wanted to fit in, in this new kingdom, he wanted to be happy. There was very few times in his life he was genuinely happy, but he was sure if everything with this marriage worked out, he Really could be happy.  
——  
Bucky didn't even hesitate for a second before nodding. "I'm positive, Steve. They will adore you. There is no reason that they wouldn't." He chuckles softly and leans forward to press his face against the side of Steve's head, rubbing his nose in his hair and breathing in his ear just to annoy the teen, wanting to make him smile or laugh or even blush. Just something to keep his mind away from any negative thoughts and the pain in his chest from the fall. "You can have anything anything you Want in my kingdom. Name it and it's yours. I will make sure of it." Bucky had quite the record for getting what he wanted so there wasn't much doubt about that being a real statement.  
———  
Steve laughed and tried pushing buckys face away. It seemed the man wanted to be a pest. “All I want is happiness.” Steve told him and reached up to push buckys long hair from his face. “I’m sure with time I can be happy eventually though. We’ll figure it out.” Steve told him with a small smile. “And I mean... some silk panties wouldn’t hurt...” Steve said with a smirk and a chuckle. He winced when he laughed and grabbed at his ribs, it even hurt to laugh…  
——-  
Bucky gave a violently loud snort and he grins, nodding along. "Happiness and silk panties for all." He shakes his head and closes his eyes, the corners of those dark blue- grey depths crinkling up with his smile. He found it so easy to smile around Steve. It really was a nice change from everything else he was used to. He frowns a little at the wince and rubs his head softly. "Too bad you didn't break your leg or something they would put a cast on. I'm the worlds worst artist but I would draw All over it for you." Not that he wanted Steve to be hurt any worse than he was. It was just a random thought.  
——-  
Steve smiled and nodded “happiness and silk panties are more than anyone could ever wish for!” He said and licked his lips, watching Bucky closely. His eyes crinkled slightly at the edges when he smiled, and he had a crooked front tooth, which somehow made his smile much more cute than it already was. Shaking the thought from his head, he glanced at his leg and raised an eyebrow “it probably would hurt much less than these ribs. Plus, broken ankle can’t puncture a lung” Steve shrugged and caught Sight of winter and another horse galloping over to them. Steve gave Bucky a questioning look. “Is that Natasha and Sam?” He asked nervously  
———  
Bucky had to agree. A broken ankle would have been a much prettier situation to deal with. He looks up when he heard the hoofbeats approaching and he recognized Natasha's roan mare Widow racing along beside Winter. "That is definitely Natasha but where is.. oh." he looks over to the side off behind the two faster approaching horses and he saw a silver horse taking his good sweet time and giving an occasional hard stop or buck to try and shake his rider. He could hear said rider cursing the horse even from here. "And that would be Sam. He just got a new horse so he and Redwing haven't exactly found a happy medium for working with each other yet." he chuckles and remains on the ground, holding Steve in his arms as Natasha pulls Widow to a hard stop and slides gracefully off her back. "James what happened?" she demands in a no-nonsense kind of voice.  
Bucky shrugs and sighs. "Striker threw Steve. Not sure why since nothing has actively tried to kill us yet but something got him tweaked. Oh yeah, Tasha this is my husband Steve, Steve, my lovely right hand lady Natasha Romanov." he introduced them with a quirky little grin.  
——-  
Steve chuckled at sam's clumsiness with the new horse. If Bucky hadn’t told him, he would’ve just thought sam had only just learned to ride a horse.   
When Natasha approached, the lease he could say is that he is definitely intimidated by the woman. She wore a fierce glare, and a scowl was present on her face. ‘I hope she doesn’t try and kill me one day’ Steve thought to himself with an outward grimace.  
Steve outstretched his hand to Natasha for her to shake, and blushed when Bucky introduced him As his husband. “I’m Steve Rogers, kingdom of shield. Nice to meet you.” He said and bowed his head.   
Natasha’s grip on steve's hand was tight and Steve winced. Every movement he made hurt his ribs worse and worse, but he knew how disrespectful it would have been had he not shaken her hand.  
——-  
Natasha's eyes evaluate the boy sitting on the ground in Bucky's arms. He seemed like he was scared of her. Good. "Hello Steve. You better be good to Bucky or else." She grips his hand hard and gives him a very pointed look with a harsh squeeze of her hand. Better to establish where they stood immediately.   
Bucky gave her an obviously displeased look and groans his complaints loudly.   
Sam finally got Redwing reined in and jumped off his back, walking towards the huddle on the ground. He stands Beside the red haired girl and smirked, giving her a small shove. "Is Tasha being a bitch? She's been in a mood all day. I'll apologize for her. I'm Sam Wilson, you must be Steve." The dark skinned man smiles and gives a little bow and offers a hand for Steve to shake. His grip was much lighter and friendly.  
——  
Steve’s heart sank at Natasha’s words and glare. Looks like that friendship probably won’t work out... Steve bit his lip and looked away, not sure how to handle the situation. “I won’t hurt him, I promise...” he said quietly.  
Steve looked back up when he heard sam approach. The man looked quite pleasant, which was a relief to Steve. At least he knew one of bucky's friends would probably like him.   
Steve gripped sam's hand lightly and gave him a small, yet uncomfortable smile. “Steve Rogers, from Shield. Nice to meet you.”  
——  
"Nice to meet you too Steve. Glad to see you're not some ugly troll like Bucky feared and grumped about continuously." He smirks in his easy and friendly manner. He was a good man. Bucky again gave him a dark little glare but it was less heated than the one he'd given Natasha.   
"So anyway." He clears his throat and motions to Steve in his lap. "You two numbskulls know how to move a guy with broken ribs?" He asks with a little bite to his voice as he runs a hand through Steve's hair, acting Very protective of him, not liking how his friends were acting. Well. Sam was alright but Natasha was about to get a kick in the butt. They all exchanged a look and Sam pulled some binding out of his saddle bag. "Best I can think to do is wrap them and hope for the best."  
——-  
“An ugly troll?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow and chuckled, giving Bucky a playful glare.  
Steve listened to sam then scoffed “wrap them and hope for the best?! I could puncture a lung!” He said in outrage and immediately regretted it. “Oh god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you! I’m so sorry.” He said, trying to sit up a bit. Buckys friends already didn’t like him, this wouldn’t help at all. “I’m just... in meant to be getting married and now that’s not happening and I’m just... I’m Sorry.” Steve mumbled and looked away once again. He just couldn’t stop making a fool of himself, could he?  
———  
Bucky just gave a helpless shrug when he was glared at by Steve.   
He had to admit he had not been expecting the sudden lashing out but he couldn't really fault Steve for it. He would be stressed and pissed if he were in that situation. Hell he was frustrated now as is because he didn't like seeing Steve in such a predicament. "Steve I know. I'm scared too buddy. I..dammit Sam there has to be something he can do?" He looks up at him with an absolutely helplessly pleading expression, begging his Friend to come up with anything to help Steve.   
Natasha meanwhile was giving Steve a very displeased look but kept her mouth shut.  
———  
“I’m sorry...” Steve said again quietly and bit his lip. “Let’s just wrap the ribs and go... hope for the best.” He told them quietly, going back to their original plan. Steve sat up for them to wrap him and cried out in pain, clenching his eyes shut tightly, and tried to breath through the pain.   
Sam grimaced when Steve cried out in pain, and moved forward immediately to wrap his ribs tightly. “Ok guys, help me move him.” Sam told the two.  
Steve whimpered the whole time they moved Him to the waiting horse, also taking notice of the fact that Natasha was of course not being very gentle with him or his ribs, bumping him around more than he should be, and squeezing at his ribs tighter than necessary  
———  
Bucky held Steve's hand the whole time they wrapped him, whispering soft words of encouragement into his hair and promising that he was going to be okay. It was one of those things he probably should not be promising since there was no was he could guarantee it but he would say anything to keep Steve calm right now. "Put him on winter." Bucky says when they reached the horses. "He has a smoother gait. Won't bounce him around so much. I'll ride Striker and meet you two back at the castle. Tell my Father what happened and that we will not be getting married today. If he has any issues remind him that he's an asshole and I don't care."  
——  
When Bucky said he would ride striker, Steve gave him a look of sadness. He wished Bucky would ride with him, it might make everything somewhat more bearable.  
When Steve was set on the horse, he laid foreword, letting his arms dangle over the side. It hurt worse to sit up than it did to lay like that.   
Steve gave a lazy smile when Bucky called his father an asshole, and sighed, closing his eyes.  
——  
Bucky had his foot in the stirrup and was about to swing himself over the back of the horse when he noticed the look Steve was giving him and the way the boy was sitting. He shakes his head and abandons his effort to mount Striker. "Scoot back. It'll be more comfortable if you lean back against me." He pats winters neck to apologize for the upcoming weight of two people on his back and laughs when he noticed how the horse had his ears pinned back and was glaring at Sam like he wanted to kill him . Thank god he liked Steve. Bucky carefully gets himself in the saddle behind Steve and pulls the boy back so he was against his chest. He had tied Strikers leadline to winters saddle and gives his horse a soft kick, telling him to walk on. Winter seemed to be walking extra slow, cautious as if he understood that Steve was hurt and he needed to be gentle. Natasha and Sam rode a little ways ahead but not really in earshot.  
———  
Steve leaned back against Bucky and sighed, closing his eyes back up. “Thank you for taking care of me.” Steve said quietly and took in a deep breath, wincing when he felt a pinch in his chest. He hated all of this, he just wished his life could be easy and simple, but of course not. Nothing was ever easy for him. “When we get home, can I sleep? I’m so tired...” Steve mumbled, nearly asleep as it was. “‘M so tired, but don’t wanna upset you.” He admitted  
——-  
Bucky was more than okay with the mildly heavy weight of Steve pressing back against him. He smiles and drags a slow hand through his hair as they make their way through the woods towards his home town. "Of course you can sleep, Steve. As soon as we arrive I will get you straight to med bay so they can properly take care of your ribs but you can sleep as soon as they are done with you. I promise. I will personally keep everyone besides doctors away from you so you can have a few good hours of Rest. I think you badly need it." He says with a soft smile, feeling Steve already beginning to doze against him.  
——-  
Steve nodded sleepily and pushed further back against Bucky, as if that were possible. He shut his eyes and quickly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Natasha seems somewhat bitchy now, but that’s just to add character development later on! Do not be put off by it! I promise we don’t have her that way just for shits and giggles. She won’t always be that way.   
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated!


	8. Hurt

A few minutes later Natasha looked back and saw Steve sleeping against bucky's chest. “I don’t like him.” She boldly said. “I think he’s playing you, no one can be... that... that, I don’t even know. How could broken ribs hurt a man so badly? It wouldn’t! He has to be faking it! And getting pissed with me and sam for trying our hardest the Only way we knew we could help?” She scoffed and rolled her eyes  
——-  
Bucky let Steve fall asleep against him, keeping one arm around his waist to keep him held securely to his chest so he wouldn't slide around any. He looks up when he heard Natasha's lightly accented voice and he narrows his eyes. "To be fair, Tasha, you weren't exactly the most welcoming to him to begin with so he was well within his rights to be a bit irritated with you. And he hasn't ridden a horse in a long while. Striker threw him pretty hard. Him breaking his ribs was a complete accident And just look at how thin he is. There's hardly any meat on his bones to cushion him from a fall like that. He just wanted some comfort and instead he got one of my best friends greeting him with a cold shoulder. You know it won't actually kill you to show some goddamned human emotion every once and awhile?"  
——-  
Natasha practically growled at Bucky and glared back at Steve’s sleeping form. “Maybe if he ate something once in awhile he’d be able to sustain a fall! How can he marry you when he can barely keep himself healthy?!” She asked in annoyance. “And I refuse to greet him kindly, he’s stealing you away, you deserve much better than that! You deserve a life, something you’ll never get with him!” She argued and pointed accusingly at Steve. “This is all one big fucking joke, marrying you off to him.” She grumbled.  
———  
"Technically he can't steal something that belongs to him. I've known I was going to be married to him for years now. It's not a big surprise. And it's not like he's ecstatic about this situation either. You think he doesn't want a real life? He marry someone he meets on his own free will and falls in love with? This is no ones ideal situation but we're all going to have to smile and choke our ways through it because there is no other way around it unless you want Hydra and Shield to rip each Other to bloody pieces. You know Pierce is just waiting for an opportunity to start a war somewhere. Me blowing off my responsibility here would give him the perfect reason. And he'd probably start by killing Steve and spinning some ugly story about how it was all his fault." He blows a stream of air out of his nose in hot annoyance. "No. I'm doing this. I have to."  
———  
“He can steal you from me and sam! Your best friends!” She argued. “It doesn’t matter you’ve known this would happen for years, it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t want this either, this is all still bullshit!” She snapped. “And I still think he’s playing you. He doesn’t seem like an honest guy! He just crawled right in your lap after he got ‘Hurt’” she rolled her eyes and huffed. “Your father wouldn’t kill Steve, maybe steve's family, but not Steve. He’s smarter than that. Having a prince as a war Prize is a good strategy. You don’t HAVE to do this. You don’t have to do anything.”  
———  
"Careful Natasha your jealousy is showing. Soon I may start to believe you're actually human." He huffs and shakes his head. "What about him doesn't seem honest? He got hurt and he's scared and he needed comfort that I was willing and happy to provide. What of that is a crime?" He asks with molten hot iron in his voice. He was thoroughly annoyed at his female best friend. "Because that is so much better. Killing someone's family is so much easier excusable. And what would he do to him then? A war Prize. Listen to you." He sneers. "You know what they'd do to him? They would tie him up in the middle of town and take turns beating him. You know Pierces men are sick fucks. They would do things to him that I can't even think about without becoming ill. I'm not about to subject Steve to any of this. He doesn't deserve it. We will be married and I will keep him safe and nothing you say is going to change that."  
———  
Natasha glared. “If he really didn’t want this wedding do you really think he’d fall into your arms crying when he got hurt? That’s absolutely ridiculous!” She grumbled, trying to convince Bucky Steve wouldn’t be good for him. She really did believe that.   
“Yes a war prize! I’m not being unreasonable here! It’s a completely reasonable thing during a war! You shouldn’t care about him this much, you don’t know him! So what if he got hurt a bit? All of us get hurt everyday! Just because he’s a Pompous brat doesn’t mean he should be subjected to any less than we all are.”   
———  
Steve had woken up sometime in the middle of the argument, but stayed completely quiet and still. The more they talked, the more overwhelmed he got. A few tears started slipping down his face, and he prayed Bucky wouldn’t notice.  
———  
Bucky was nearly fuming, his eyes narrowed to slits. "Listen to you! No wonder my father wants to recruit you into his ranks so damn bad. You sound just like him!" He spits furiously. "Weather i know him well or not has absolutely no bearing on the fact that letting him be beaten and raped publicly for fun is a sick and horrible thing to do. Nobody deserves that shit, least of all Steve. I know him a hell of a lot better than you do so you better watch your mouth, girl. Bestfriend or not of you Start causing problems for me I will take care of it." He growls and startled out of his rage when Striker whinnies loudly and stops hard, refusing to walk on. Winters ears were pinned and he looked nervous to proceed as well, even Widow seemed hesitant. Bucky looks at the ground ahead of them and frowns a little. "Wonder if that's not symbolic in some way." He mutters as he stares at the absolutely mutilated corpse of a buck laying in the path.  
——  
“Your father wants me because I’m a smart, tactical fighter, the best in hydra! I’m not saying let him be raped, I’m saying if you don’t want to marry him, the worst that could happen is he’s a war prize during the war! It happens all the damn time, James.” She growled. “Take dare of it? Gunna kill me? I’m your best friend and you’re already picking some guy over me.” She glared, then stopped once she saw the dead buck, shaking her head at what Bucky said. She patted widows rear and pulled on Her reins, making her move past it.  
———  
More tears fell as Bucky said what would happen to him if Natasha got her way. She didn’t even know him yet she already had such a strong hate for him, what did he do so wrong? He didn’t think he would upset her so much…  
——-  
"The worst that could happen." He sighs and shakes his head. "You really just don't get it."   
He looks at her with a glare. "I ain't killing anyone." He growls and looks over his shoulder. Sam was still fighting it out with Redwing. Bucky was going to have to spend some serious time working with those two sometime soon. He let Natasha go on ahead to cool down and he kept staring at the dead deer.   
Sam came up beside him and reigned Redwing to a stop, looking at deer too. "What do you figure did "The worst that could happen." He sighs and shakes his head. "You really just don't get it."   
He looks at her with a glare. "I ain't killing anyone." He growls and looks over his shoulder. Sam was still fighting it out with Redwing. Bucky was going to have to spend some serious time working with those two sometime soon. He let Natasha go on ahead to cool down and he kept staring at the dead deer.   
——-  
Natasha thought more about Steve. Was she jealous? She had nothing to be jealous of! Steve was just some... some prince, some stupid prince who wants nothing more than wealth. Or At Least that’s what she thought.  
——  
Steve attempted to push further back into Bucky, seeking comfort, he was scared of Natasha, and whoever or whatever was out there. Natasha absolutely hated him and it was starting to get to him, making him upset. Then hearing them talk about the fact that some animal was torn to Shreds and it was most certainly by a human? That was pretty stressful. Steve sighed louder than intended, and stiffened once he realized that would clue Bucky in to him being awake  
——-  
Bucky had been pretty sure Steve was awake when he felt the little body pressing closer to him but when he heard the sigh he was certain of it. "Hey." He leans his head down a bit to talk directly into his ear. "Are you hurting? Anything feeling worse? We're almost home. Just hang on a bit longer Steve." He whispers kindly, not sure how much Steve heard so he was just playing it out like everything was fine for the young princes benefit.  
———  
Steve whimpered quietly in response and wiped at his face. “I’m fine.” He grumbled and furrowed his brows. “I’m ok.” He said once again and looked off to the side. As much as he wanted comfort from Bucky, he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to talk, the more he talked, the more he was sure Natasha could find wrong with him.  
——-  
Bucky didn't really believe it for a moment that Steve was okay but he couldn't really argue with the boy right now so he just nods and rests his chin on Steve's shoulder, breathing out softly. He could see the outskirts of his kingdom coming into view and he sighs a little. He wished he really didn't have to return. The kingdom always felt like a prison.  
——-  
Steve looked forward, seeing the kingdom coming up in front of them. It was huge, bigger than shield was. It’s no wonder Steve got married off to Bucky, not the other way around.   
There must be so much in the castle to explore and do, but Steve wouldn’t think about that yet. He just wanted to get his ribs fixed, then go lay in a bed, maybe cry, maybe fall asleep...   
——  
Natasha looked back and saw Steve awake, and Bucky appearing to comfort him. She scoffed and shook her head.  
———  
Sam came up and rode silently beside Bucky and Steve, offering his support and protection. He knew how Bucky really felt about this place. As they enter Hydra quite a few people that were out and about turn their heads to look at the boy that the prince was to marry. Bucky sat up a little straighter, glaring around the crowd and silently warning them to keep quiet and stay away. That was really his biggest problem here. He didn't know who he could trust and who was innocent. Anyone in his Father's good graces was likely not someone Bucky wanted to associate with but generally in public he just acted hardened and disinterested to avoid attracting anyone's attention.  
——-  
Steve felt Bucky tense once they got into the kingdom, and he reached down and rubbed comfortingly on bucky's thigh. “Everything’s alright.” He whispered and looked up into bucky's eyes. “Just ignore everyone and go straight to the medics office.” He told Bucky, knowing exactly why the man was tense and uncomfortable. He got that way around his people too, it was nerve wracking being in such a high position of power, knowing your people could easily knock you from the position if they decided that they don’t like you.  
——-  
Bucky looks down in surprise when he felt the warm hand rubbing against his thigh but he didn't mind it at all- in fact he really appreciated how much the contact with the other man helped ground him and keep him focused. His nervous energy had been flowing into winter and the horse looked ready to lash out as well so Bucky reached down and pats his neck softly, passing on the chain of good feelings. They silently made their way through the worst of the crowds before Bucky steered Winter down a Back road to the castle, the dark and looming structure right ahead of them. "Home sweet home." He sighs with a bitter edge to his voice. "Let's get those ribs of yours taken care of." He tries to smile as he pulls the horse to a stop in the courtyard and carefully gathers Steve in his arms before sliding off the animal's back, landing lightly on the ground.  
——-  
Steve looked around at everything as they went by, there was what appeared to be a big market in the center of the kingdom, there was flowers lining some of the streets, and flags showings hydras symbol- a skull with tentacles.   
Steve winced when Bucky landed on the ground, he tried to be gentle, but his ribs were still jostled a bit. “You don’t have to carry me...” Steve told Bucky with a blush spread across his face. Sure he didn’t weigh much, but he was pretty tall, which would make him Awkward to carry. He didn’t want to be a burden to Bucky. “I can probably walk, it’ll be ok, I promise.” Steve told him and tried to wiggle from his grasp, only succeeding in hurting his ribs more  
——-  
"Steve don't be dumb." Bucky sighs with a little shake of his head. Steve weighed next to nothing and Bucky had very well developed upper body strength anyway. "Lord knows I'll probably kill you in the process of trying to set you down so you better just stay in my arms." He shrugs and started walking, his stride long and casual like he didn't even noticed the extra hundred plus pounds in his arms. The back door opens and two guards stand by, looking weary at why Bucky was carrying Steve. "Horse Threw him. He needs medical attention now." Bucky mutters as he shoulders past them and makes his way off towards the infirmary.  
——-  
Steve sighed, he hated being babied, and to him, not being allowed to walk was babying. He glared at nothing in particular and rested his head on bucky's chest.   
Steve looked over at the guards as they passed them, noticing they kept a close eye on them. “Why are they staring?” Steve asked Bucky quietly. He wasn’t sure if it was because of himself, or if the guards really didn’t trust Bucky. Both were definitely a possibility.  
——-  
"I have my agenda, they have theirs. They work for my father, I don't. We don't get along so well." He shrugs. "I'm sure one of them already is reporting back to Pierce saying that we are madly in love or some crap like that because I'm not sure anyone has ever seen me display any sort of care or affection for anyone outside of Sam and Natasha." He explains as he smoothly kicks a push door open, ducking inside and walking down another long and decorated hallway. "This is probably not a good Thing for either of us but we'll work with what we've got for the moment i guess." He takes a few more turns and gets down to the lower level of the castle where the infirmary lied. He gets the door open and walks in, shouting for help and nurses were on top of them immediately, pulling Steve from his grasp and laying him on a gurney carefully.  
——-  
“Madly in Love” Steve repeated and snorted. “Well, Atleast you don’t hate me, or I don’t think you do.” Steve said and attempted to shrug. It honestly meant a lot to hear Bucky say he doesn’t show affection for anyone other than his two friends. That meant Bucky must like him at least a little.  
When nurses pulled him from bucky's grasp he looked over at Bucky with a panicked look on his face. He knew he wouldn’t stay in bucky's arms forever, but he wanted Bucky still close to him. He didn’t want 7 Nurses surrounding him, blocking his view of Bucky. Steve reached his hand out, pushing through the nurses, trying to grab Bucky.  
——-  
Bucky stepped back when the nurses took over, prepared to let them handle it and take care of Steve but when he saw the panicked look on the young princes face and saw the pale hand reaching through the bodies surrounding him reaching out towards him.. he couldn't just leave like that. He comes back over and slowly grabs Steve's hand, giving it a soft and comforting squeeze. "It's okay. I'm here." He says quietly as he lightly shoulders one of the nurses aside so he could see the blond boy.  
——-  
Steve calmed down immediately, feeling relief wash over him when Bucky came back over. Steve winced as a nurse pressed particularly hard on his ribs. He looked at the man And glared, knowing he had done it on purpose when he saw the small satisfied look on the man's face. The actual doctor moved everyone back then looked at Steve and Bucky. “You have 3 broken ribs, 2 on the right side, one on the left side. We will wrap your ribs tightly, provide a pain medication and advise you to not do much for 3 weeks. After we wrap you up you can go home.” She told him and grabbed a long wrap from the nurse behind her and moved forward to wrap steve's ribs.   
Steve looked up at Bucky with sad eyes. “I’m sorry Bucky...” he mumbled and squeezed his hand. It would be another 3 weeks until they got married... Steve hated that had happened, if he had just been more careful…  
———  
Bucky's eyebrows raise a little when he heard Steve apologize and he looks down at him. "What the hell for?" He asks in surprise, unable to keep from blurting that out despite it being such poor manners. "Steve you have nothing to apologize for. If anyone wants to give you any shit about this send them my way and I will deal with them personally. It wasn't really anyone's fault but if we have to point blame somewhere it would either be at Striker or at whatever it was that spooked him." He Insists passionately. Some of the nurses were giving him a look and he glares right back at them, leveling them with that famous 'Bucky Barnes is done with this shit' look that he'd perfected by the time he was five years old.  
——-  
Steve stifled a scream as the doctor wrapped his ribs tightly, putting necessary pressure on his broken ribs.   
“I’m sorry because the wedding won’t happen for 3 weeks, and I’m sorry because I’ve caused so much  
trouble. If I had been more vigilant, I could’ve sensed striker ready to throw me off and held on, but I didn’t pay attention.” Steve said frustratedly. He could’ve payed more attention, he should have.   
The doctor finished wrapping his ribs and Steve sat up. “Can we go to our room?.. I Just want to lay down and sleep, please. If you don’t mind.”  
——-  
"No one can predict things like that. He wasn't showing any signs of being ready to throw you. I figured if either of us was going to be tossed it was going to be me since Winter was acting squirrelly. If I would have seen it coming I would have warned you. Steve we can shake this around a hundred different ways. We can't change that it happened so we just have to deal with it for now. Besides isn't it better we push the wedding off? Maybe we will actually get to know each other a little over The next three weeks so we won't be marrying pretty much complete strangers. I don't know about you but I prefer having more time." Bucky would always try his best to put a positive spin on things to make someone else feel better. He helps Steve sit up and carefully gets him upright to help him to his.. their.. room. "Yeah. You can sleep the rest of the day if you want. Hell I think I'd recommend it." He had to share some words with his father and maybe try to dissect what the hell was wrong with Natasha if he still felt like it later.  
——-  
Steve hugged and agreed, Bucky was right. If Bucky sensed nothing wrong with striker, then no one could have. It still felt like his fault, but he’d get over it soon enough. “Yeah, there is some plus sides to it... I just wish we could just be married now, y'know?” He said, glancing at doorways as they slowly made their way through the halls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this took longer to post than usual, sorry!   
> Comments appreciated!!!


	9. Natasha

Finally they had made it to their bedroom, it was large, had the biggest bed he had every seen, practically drowning in silk sheets and blankets. Steve Looked around, seeing dark red curtains that made the room turn a light amber color. There was a seating area off to the side of the room, and a vanity on the other. Everything was a mix of reds, grays, and steely blues, with hints of white. It was dark, but pleasant Steve thought. He also noticed a small stack of books next to the bed on the table, and a pack of cigarettes.   
Steve sat on the pillowy, cloud-like bed and sighed happily as his body sunk into it. He laid down on his left side and Pulled the blankets in tightly, and shut his eyes. “This bed... fantastic” Steve said with a yawn, falling asleep quickly.  
——-  
Bucky watched Steve evaluate his room and he smiles a little, letting him go right ahead and make himself at home in the bed. He walks over and gently brushes a hand through his hair smiling and whispering a soft 'sleep well' before quietly disappearing from the room like a ghost.  
He stalks down the halls quietly, hands pressed in his pockets as he looks around constantly, keeping an eye out for any signs of danger as he always did. His intent was to go talk to his father first but he saw the Head of red hair moving down the hall towards him and it seemed like he would be dealing with Natasha first after all. He didn't stop when she approached him, instead continuing on his way with a new destination in mind- the sparring room. They could talk in there without being overheard thanks to the padding on the walls and if things did take a turn for the worse.. there were mats on the walls.  
——  
Natasha followed after Bucky, her arms crossed over her chest. She recognized where they were going almost immediately and she rolled her eyes, it seemed Bucky wanted to have a private conversation with her. “Are you trying to convince me to change my thoughts on your husband?” She asked, growling the word ‘husband’, it tasted vile coming out of her mouth. “If so- they won’t be changing, I don’t like him, he isn’t right for you.” She insisted as they walked through the doors of the sparring room ,lucky for them, that days classes were over, so no one would be in there right now.  
——-  
Bucky could hear the heavy sarcastic emphasis she put on the word 'husband' and he smirks a little, shaking his head. He closes and locks the door behind them and turns to face her. "Natasha you really don't get it do you? If I don't do this, hundreds of innocent people are going to die. Both ours and theirs. Shield isn't stupid. I'm sure they have a war plan at the ready for if I pull out and things take a nose dive. I am not about to be responsible for that. I always swore to be better than my Father but if I allow this war to happen and all the blood comes back to my hands than how could I ever say that I am? Steve is not the worst person I could be marrying. He's a sweet kid who doesn't want this any more than I do. I consider myself lucky that if I have to be forcefully wedded to someone for the rest of my life, or at least until my father dies, that the person I'm stuck with is Steve."  
——-  
Natasha clenched her jaw. “I don’t like him, Jamie. He just seems so fake! This marriage could ruin you!” She said and glared at the wall. “You should be marrying someone you love, not some teen who is going to be bad for you. I’m sure he’ll try to change you, try and make you love him only to hurt you in the end. If you choose to stop the marriage because of that, the blood isn’t on your hands, it’s on his.”  
——-  
"You don't know him, Tasha. You've spent barely five minuets with him and that whole time was nothing but you glaring at him and making him wonder why you hate him so much. There's nothing fake about Steve. I've never met someone as innocent and pure as him. He'd never.. that's not his MO. The only thing he wants is to be loved, have friends, and just be fucking happy. Is any of that really that unreasonable? He was hoping he could make friends with you and Sam but if you're going to continue Acting like a giant bitch then I will advise him to just stay away from you entirely and he, Sam, and I can be buddies. He really doesn't need any further negativity in his life and frankly neither do I. You know I love you, you've been one of two of my best friends for as long as I can remember. But I have never seen this side of you and I do not like it. I'm asking you, nicely, to please just make an effort to not be so rude to Steve. This wedding is happening weather we want it to or not so The less we fight it the less painful it will be."  
——  
Natasha huffed and rolled her eyes “I’m sure he’s got plenty of friends and love back at shield.” She mumbled.   
“I’m worried for you, Jamie. You go from hating the guy, to all of a sudden acting like he hung the moon and stars just for you. You don’t know him, I don’t, sam doesn’t, none of us know him. I can’t help but be suspicious. You NEVER so quickly change from hating someone to all of a sudden wanting to be best friends with them. Do you see why I’m worried, why I think Steve could be Someone he’s not?” Natasha asked, feeling that her reason for hating Steve was justifiable. Bucky really had never changed his mind so quickly about someone before, and it really did concern her. “How am I to know he didn’t manipulate you into acting how you are? Because I have NEVER seen you act so kindly towards a practical stranger, I’ve never seen this side of you...”  
———  
"Maybe I just like him." He shrugs. "I hated him before I ever met him. I had no idea who Steve was or how he was going to act before I met him. I hated the unknown person on the end of my wedding vow. But now that I am getting to know him better I feel no resentment towards him at all." Natasha was right, once a person was in Bucky's bad graces they usually never got out of them but Steve himself never really was. Just the idea of him was. "And you're right. I don't trust people. Because Anyone around here could be a spy or a link to my father. Pierce has his thumb pressed on so many people around here that I never can tell who is genuine and who is out to get me. Steve isn't. He comes from a land miles away and he has nothing but feelings of hatred for Pierce too because his life has bee equally ruined by him like mine has. It's nice to make another friend that I trust." He says calmly.  
——-  
Natasha ran her fingers through her hair and paced the room. “Steves life was not ruined by your father. He had never even met him. An arranged marriage won’t ruin a life. It sucks, but it won’t ruin a life. You may like what you think you know about him, but you haven’t taken the time to fully get to know him. I looked into him, Bucky. I’m betting he’s already lied to you about this, he’s had a history of cancer and other illnesses, he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I’m sure you Knew nothing about any of that, and it’s pretty damn important. If he can’t even tell you those simple things, how can you trust him?”  
———  
"The way his parents treated him is what ruined his life. He was never allowed to have a childhood, always being groomed to be the effect wife for me. It's bullshit." He huffs hotly.   
His temper immediately got a bucket of cold water dumped on it when he heard about Steve's ailments. "No he.. he never said anything about.. Jesus.." he breathes in shock, his heart suddenly not working quite right as he tries to mentally process that. Steve had cancer? The anxiety and depression wasn't hard to Guess at, Bucky recognized it immediately without needing to be told since the brunet had been on meds for that himself since he had turned 18 and was able to get them without his parents knowing. But something as deeply serious as that? He couldn't blame Steve for not wanting to talk about it but his heart absolutely shattered in his chest for the other boy. "We've had a day. We didn't exactly get into our deepest darkest secrets yet, Tasha." He remembered the conversation he had Steve had when Steve had told him about not wanting to live anymore and he felt like he was going to be sick. After all he's been through he was still here.. that kid deserved a damn break.  
———  
“It’s good that they did that! If they hadn’t he could’ve been screwed, if you turned out how your father wanted, Steve would have been absolutely fucked, so his parents did right by him in that sense.” She rolled her eyes. If she ever had a child in an arranged marriage, she would groom them to be perfect, so they wouldn’t get hurt.  
“Exactly, you’ve had a day, that should be enough time to warn your soon to be husband about something that may one day affect him too! It was selfish of him to not Tell you, Bucky. It’s something very important. It’s something you need to know. He’s had a bad history that you deserve to know about.” She huffed, very annoyed with the current situation happening.  
———  
The young princes teeth set on edge and he glares at her, his fists clenching at his sides. He's never really wanted to hit anyone, especially someone he considered a friend, as badly as he wanted to let his fist become acquainted with Natasha at this moment. Only thing that stopped him was the deep set knowledge that what she was saying was true and taking his rage at the situation out on her would not benefit anyone in the end. So he turns his back to her and drives his fist into the padded Wall hard enough that the dry wall beneath the padding could be heard splintering and cracking. He breathes hard and trembles a little, shaking his head in disbelief. "It's not his fault." He says softly, trying to hold onto his only defense that he had left for Steve.  
———  
Natasha sighed and shook her head. “I want you to get your head out of your ass, talk to him, really fucking talk to him, James. Ask him questions since he clearly won’t offer up any information. You need to take the initiative.” She told him and walked up to him slowly, running her hand along his upper back. “I’m going to go argue with your father again, and you’re going to go talk to Steve. I know he’s sleeping, but this is important. Crucial to your marriage, ok?” She said softly and raised An eyebrow, moving away from Bucky.  
———  
"What do I even say to him?" He asks, voice trembling in defeat and fear. "Hey Steve why didn't you tell me you might die from cancer- what other illnesses do you have that I'm not aware of?" He runs his fingers through his hair and shudders at Natasha's usually comforting touch. Now it just felt like a death sentence. "What are you arguing with my father about?" He looks at her with concern in his eyes.  
———  
“He might not die from it, he’s been in remission for 7 years. Gets checked yearly.” She corrected him. “And you say, your spy of a best friend dig up dirt on him, and found out he had cancer. See his reaction, see if he wants to talk about it. If not, start asking questions. Is he healthy? Is there anything else you should know? Is he keeping anything else from you?” She stated and made sure not to touch Bucky, noticing his reaction.  
“I’m arguing with your father about a job he wants me to do For him. You and I both know, I’m the best spy he has at his disposal, but I refuse to do this job. He isn’t backing down about his choice, but neither am I- I refuse to do the job.” She said with a grimace. The job was a messy one. She was to sneak into Asgard and retrieve information on the son of Thor odinson, Vali. The boy was only 9, and his fate was sealed as being an asset that Alexander Pierce needed. Natasha sure hoped Bucky became king soon before there was a soon coming war with Asgard, just as they made friends with Shield.  
———  
Bucky sighs and nods slowly, hanging his head a bit. "I don't know if I hate you for telling me this or if I should thank you. Maybe just.. don't spy on my husband anymore? Everything is gonna fall out how it's supposed to. I'll push this along but the last thing I want is for Steve to feel uncomfortable or like he can't trust me. I would like to at least have a solid friendship with him." He flexes his hand, feeling his busted knuckles shift painfully under the skin. He'd broken his hand enough Times doing exactly that so it was no big deal for him.   
He looks up at Natasha and nods solemnly. "Don't let him force you into anything. Disappear if you have to." Bucky usually was kept in the dark about a lot of his fathers plans but he knew they were all heinous and cruel for someone. "Stay safe Tasha." He sighs heavily.  
———-  
Natasha nodded and gave him a sad smile. “No more spying, now go talk to your... Steve.” She told him and glanced back at him once more “you stay safe too, Jamie. I don’t know when I’ll be around again, you’ll know where to find me if I’m not here. Come get me before your wedding if I’m not back.” She told him before leaving.   
He would know where to find her when he needed to. The two of them always snuck off to a cave system in the forest between shield and hydra. No one ever went to the system As it was no use to them. But it was definitely good to hide out in if you needed to get away. Or Atleast that’s what Natasha, Bucky, and sam discovered.  
——-  
Bucky gives her a weary nod before turning sharply on his heel and marching out of the room, back straight and head held high with a confidence he really did not feel at all. He was dreading this conversation and he knew well enough that this was Natasha's game- to plant seeds of doubt in his head to make him question everything for whatever reason she wanted him to reconsider- but it was effective enough. He had thought that Steve had been pretty open with him. And he knew that was a hard talk to have, especially with a practical stranger but he still felt like maybe that should have been something Steve would have mentioned. He just kept trying to play it though in his own head, what he would have done if he was in Steve's position. He couldn't come up with a solid answer and it was annoying the shit out of him. he enters the bedroom and looks at the sleeping form of Steve on his bed and sighs sadly, some of the anger melting out of him. He couldn't be mad at Steve either way.  
——  
Steve woke up because he felt as though something was wrong, as if someone were watching him. He opened his eyes groggily and looked around the room, noticing Bucky standing off to the side watching him. He gave Bucky a confused look and grumbled. “C’n I help you with s’mthin?” Steve asked in a tired voice. He couldn’t come up with a good reason for Bucky to have come back to the room to just stare at him  
———  
Bucky gives a quiet sigh and comes forward slowly, sitting on the edge of the bed nervously. "So.. I just.." he pauses and clears his throat softly. "I just spoke to Natasha, She uhm.. she told me some stuff.. jesus why can't I talk right now? She told me you had cancer, Steve." he finally managed to blurt out, the words coming out strained. "And I just.. why didn't you tell me that? I mean that's kind of a big deal.. and I keep trying to tell myself that it's not something easy to talk about and I'm sure it's not memories you care to relive and I won't make you unless you ever decide that you want to talk about it with someone but.. is there.. anything else I should know about?" he was aware his mouth was running a mile a minute and his words were a bit jumbled and nervous but he hoped Steve understood.  
——-  
Steve tensed up and rolled over, now suddenly 100% awake. He clenched his jaw. “She has no right...” he growled. “That was for me to Maybe or maybe not tell you. I had cancer from 7-11, I’m still unhealthy, why do you think I’m so skinny? But it isn’t any of your business! I would’ve told you eventually!” Steve said angrily, upset that Natasha told Bucky before he could. It was something he hated to talk about, so he tried not to, but that did not mean Natasha got to. Just because she hates him For some unknown reason, didn’t mean she got to spill his secrets. “I had cancer, I’m depressed, I’m anxious, and that’s all you need to know about my health, ok? If I had any serious or currently life threatening illnesses, I would’ve told you.” Steve huffed, and took a deep breath to calm himself. He knew Bucky was doing this out of the kindness of his heart, but it still irked him that Natasha told him. “Now. Do you have any questions?” He Finally asked, not particularly wanting to give Answers, but deciding it would be for the best to actually give them to Bucky. He was his husband after all.  
——-  
Bucky takes a step back, putting his hands up in a surrendering motion when he saw how angry Steve was. "I know. I'm sorry. I honestly wish she didn't tell me." Bucky sort of backed himself into a corner, cowering down in front of the red faced blond. "She didn't have the right at all. I told her to quit spying on you for whatever that's worth." He sighs softly. He takes a slow step forward when Steve had seemed to deflate. "I really am sorry Steve." He offers as he comes to sit back on the edge Of the bed. He folds his hands in his lap and continues to glance between them and the blond. "Just.. about your anxiety and depression. Do you take anything for it? And if you're not do you want to? I can set you an appointment with my doctor if you want." He offered kindly, only concerned for Steve's wellbeing. Also that was his way of inadvertently trying to tell Steve that he was not alone in suffering through that part at least.  
——-  
Steve watched Bucky as he moved around the room. “She better stop spying...” he mumbled. This was all so much to think about after having such a traumatic day.   
“Medicine alters the brain... changes people, it’s bad to take.” Steve mumbled, repeating the words his mother had drilled into his brain. He used to ask for medicine, but now he couldn’t care less if he got any or not. “Why... why do you have a doctor for that kind of stuff? You seem... what do they do for you?”  
——-  
"Maybe it does maybe it doesn't but it's kept me sane long enough." Bucky shrugs as he looks at Steve. He knew Steve was uncomfortable that he knew things about him that he hadn't wanted him to know so.. it was only fair that Steve at least get a glimpse into the fucked up world of Bucky Barnes' head. "Lets just say you don't really see me wearing short sleeves or shorts very often." He grabs the cuff of his right sleeve and pulls up a bit, exposing that his whole forearm was covered in deep and Jagged pale white scars. Some definitely looked more recent than others but none too new. "Trust me Steve. I've been there. You're not alone in that at all." He promises and quickly pulls his sleeve back down to cover his arm.  
——-  
Steve looked at Bucky sadly “Bucky... you.. You can’t be doing that. You could get seriously injured. I could lose you.” Steve told him softly and carded his fingers through buckys hair.   
Steve took hold of buckys hand and kissed his knuckles softly. “Hope you know, you can get away with that stuff with me here now.” Steve told him with a lopsided grin. “Ill even follow your ass to the bathroom if I’ve gotta... Unless, you want to promise me, right here, right now, that you’ll come to me when You’re feeling low. When you need someone there for you.” Steve said and ran his thumb soothingly across buckys knuckles, not letting his hand go.  
———  
He gives a shaky and deep sigh. "That kind of was the point I guess." He shrugs, looking away nervously until he felt Steve's hands on him. He tipped his head innocently when he felt the fingers tug through his hair and he looks at their joined hands with a little smile, laughing a bit at Steve. "You can follow me to the bathroom if you want but man I didn't know we were at that stage in our relationship yet." He jokes with a crooked smile before turning serious again. "I haven't done it on Purpose in a while. There's been a few times I've been messing around with my sword and made a mistake, that's this one right here," he motions to the most recent and ugly scar, "but the urge to kill myself has more or less died down. If it makes you more comfortable I will promise you that I won't do it again and that I solemnly swear to come seek the counsel of one Steve Rogers if I ever hit rock bottom again." He chuckles and squeezes his hand.  
——-  
“I think we’re at that stage in our relationship. I’ve been with you since the day I was born. We’ve pretty much been together 18 years.” Steve laughed and looked at the scar Bucky motioned to, and leaned over to kiss it lightly. “You better come to me if you’re feeling low again, I will not forgive you if you decide you can go kill yourself without informing me first.” Steve stated and ran his finger along the scars on buckys forearm. “Because, that would be a real dick move from you. Not Giving me a fair warning before doing it. I’ve spent 18 years practically married to you, I Atleast deserve warning.” Steve joked, trying to make light of the situation.  
———  
Bucky laughs, feeling like a heavy weight has been taken off his chest just talking to Steve about it. "Mm you're right about that. At this point we're far past bathroom awkwardness." He teases right back and ruffles Steve's hair softly when the boy bent over to kiss his arm. His heart gave a weird little lurch in his chest that he's never felt before. "Thank you, Steve. Really i-" he starts to laugh. "I will give you plenty of warning before I dramatically throw myself off the edge of a cliff Or something. Perhaps we can be Romeo and Juliet? Oh Romeo Romeo wherefore art thou?" He makes a grand gesture and laughs, throwing his free arm around Steve's shoulders and pulling him close.  
———  
Steve laughed and leaned into Bucky, any previous anger had completely left his body at this point. “So, Romeo, did Natasha tell you why she hates me?” Steve questioned and looked up at Bucky. He didn’t understand at all why Natasha hated him, she didn’t even know him. It was upsetting to say the least. “Did I say something to her that I don’t remember? If I did, I didn’t mean to.” Steve said with a frown and a thoughtful look on his face  
———  
"She just.. doesn't trust you I guess." He sighs and looks down at the blond tucked under his arm. "She's never been happy about this. I don't want to make assumptions but I'm fairly certain that she likes me as a little more than just a friend and she's just annoyed that she doesn't get a chance with me because I'm marrying a guy that neither of us know very well. Honestly it doesn't matter much anyway- I don't think I would have wound up with Natasha anyway. She's too much like a sister to Ever see myself dating her. She's also just really weary of people she doesn't know, ever more so than me and I think she's just worried that you're going to be a dick or something." He shrugs impassively. "I promise it's nothing you've actually done. I mean o guess besides not telling me your medical history but to be fair I didn't share mine either, so.."  
———-  
Steve tensed when Bucky mentioned Natasha probably liked him as more than a friend. That could ruin him... absolutely ruin him... “you think she... she won’t try and ruin this uh, marriage will she? We need this, it’ll help our kingdoms, and we might be able to get more out of this than we thought” Steve asked, hoping Bucky would tell him there was no way she could ruin their ‘relationship’.   
“We shouldn’t have had to share this stuff so early on, before we were ready to. But she pushed it on Us, we didn’t get to decide for ourselves to do this.” Steve mumbled. He wished this relationship would move at a normal pace, not meeting for the first time, having to spill everything about everything, then get married a few days later.  
———  
"She can try all she wants but I can't really see any possible chance that she's going to get her way. Especially because like I just said- not interested in her like that. Besides Natasha can be a bit of a soulless bitch sometimes but I don't think she's actually stupid enough to try anything to ruin two entire kingdoms. At least I hope she wouldn't." His eyes widen a bit as he realizes that actually didn't sound too far fetched based off what she was saying earlier. Not that he would share That information with Steve.   
"Seems to be a common theme here. Really none of what had happened had been our choice and until Alex finally steps down and I take control of everything myself, I don't think it will. We just have to keep.. getting through it the best we can I guess."  
———  
I nodded hesitantly and sighed “ok... sorry that she told you about all my problems. You can uh, you can go back to doing whatever you were doing before. I’ll be alright” Steve shrugged and shut his eyes, not that tired anymore. He leaned further into Bucky, despite saying the man could go if he pleased. “Maybe try to convince Natasha not to ruin... this.” He said and motioned to the two of them  
———  
Steve was saying one thing but the way the boy leaned against him said something entirely different. And honestly the last thing he wanted to do right now was go talk to his father, especially if Natasha had just pissed him off by refusing a job so staying here with Steve seemed like the far better option. He moves a little so he was leaning against the headboard and closes his eyes, holding Steve to his chest gently. "Once she takes the time to get to know you and she sees that you're not a Threat to my wellbeing and that everything really is okay between us she will warm up to you. I promise. She wasn't wild about Sam when he first came here either but now they're good friends. She just needs to get to know you. And maybe I should start subtly dropping hints that I'm not interested in her like that just to kill the idea of that is in fact an underlying motive."  
———  
Steve noticed Bucky moving them so they were pretty much cuddling against the headboard, instead of leaving. He didn’t mind too much though. However, even though he initiated the contact, he was still somewhat tense and scared by the touch. ‘He doesn’t want sex, he wouldn’t do that to you, you’re ok’ he kept telling himself in his head.  
“She didn’t even like sam? At least that means there is some sort of hope for me. I just, I want to be friends with her and sam, but it’s so hard to even try if She’s going to act like that around me all the time.” Steve sighed and reached for the blanket to pull over them. “Hopefully if you drop hints she’ll be more ok with this. I don’t want to hurt her, but this is something we have to do, no matter what.”  
———  
"She won't always be like that. I promise. It's all part of her act. Be all mean and scary at first and then warm up to people. Natasha definitely likes being an alpha dog in any situation and she does not allow any room for doubt about that. I'm half surprised she hasn't just assassinated my father and taken over the kingdom yet." He admits with a chuckle. "You won't have to fight for Sam's affections at least." He laughs and smiles when Steve pulled the blanket over them. "She understands that Part. I think. I've explained it multiple times anyway. But I'll work on that. Or maybe I should find her a boyfriend that she won't terrify so she can divert her attention elsewhere." He chuckles evilly and smiles.  
——-  
“She’s definitely mean and scary...” Steve mumbled grumpily. “Maybe if she did do that, your kingdom would be better off. Maybe you should encourage it.” Steve joked, hoping guards or servants wouldn’t be able to hear the conversation. He could picture it now, the two of them being thrown into prison for conspiring against the king.   
“Yeah, at least sam likes me. That’s the good part of all this. He does seem like a good guy, someone I could Get along well with.” Steve admitted. Sam seemed genuine and caring, two things that would make a great friend.  
“Let’s just find her a boyfriend, I’m sure there’s at least 4 people in your kingdom who would absolutely love her, attitude and scariness included.”  
——-  
"At least four?" He looks at Steve and raises his eyebrows. "Oh. Boy. Honey you don't know Natasha very well. I don't know if there is a male figure in this whole world besides me that is not scared to death of her. Even though she and Sam have made peace by now he is still scared of her. Honestly Hydra would probably be better off if she took over as opposed to me. I still have no damn idea how I plan to run a kingdom. I can barely run my own life." He grumps and pokes Steve. "Gonna need my Wife to help me keep my head on straight. Remind me to like.. breathe sometimes." He chuckles kindly.  
———  
“She’s got enough that at least 4 men will be willing to accept her terrifying nature at the prospect of very hot sex. So yes, 4” steve declared.   
“Maybe you could hand the kingdom over to her. You’ll get it once your father dies, you can do anything you’d like with it- including handing it over to someone else to rule. If not that, have her as your second in command, she can help you make decisions and she can intimidate everyone for you.” Steve said, then laughed and squirmed when Bucky poked A particularly sensitive spot. “Your /wife/ will be there to help you, I promise.” Steve guaranteed.  
——  
Bucky had never actually really thought about doing something like that but now that he did he very much liked the idea. Natasha and Sam would be the best left hand men he could ever ask for. He would gladly fire all of his fathers counsel and put them in their place. Natasha would be the dominant component that kept everyone in line and Sam would handle the diplomatic affairs.. he would have to talk to them about this at some point. Maybe this wouldn't be such a train-wreck. Especially with Steve there with him. He felt him squirm but Steve didn't seem to be made uncomfortable so he didn't freak out about it as they cuddled together. "I know you will. I trust you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again- Natasha’s bitchiness is to lead into who she becomes later! Don’t let it put you off!!!   
> Anyways, how is everyone? Give us comments and critiques about this chapter!!!


	10. Libraries and fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what the fuck this chapter name is tbh

Steve still couldn’t believe that he’s only known Bucky for a day, yet the older male seemed to trust him so much already. He was proud of that.   
“I know the doctor said I’m meant to be on bed rest, but do you think we could maybe go to the library?” Steve asked hesitantly. He had been wanting to go to the library since he arrived in the kingdom. He loved library’s, all the different books they had, the little nooks to sit in. They were one of the only places Steve had to hide out as a child.  
——  
Bucky was startled out of his thoughts when he heard Steve ask a question. He looks down and gives him a nearly dirty look. He wanted to argue and tell him absolutely not under any circumstances because he needed to rest and heal but he honestly didn't know if he could deny Steve anything if it made the boy happy. He deserved it. "Tomorrow, we'll see. You should stay in bed at least for the rest of today." He says in what he hoped would be an acceptable compromise for Steve.  
———  
Steve sighed and nodded, he hated being all cooped up like this. He got bored so easily, and there was nothing for him to do here- nothing! “Can you at least grab my bag for me so I can draw?” He asked grumpily. He wanted to do something, he was in a completely new place and he wouldn’t even be able to explore it for weeks.  
———  
Bucky chuckles at the slightly whiny tone in Steve's voice and he laughs softly. "Yes Steve I can do that for you." He gets up slowly, carefully untangling himself from the other boy as he walks over to where Steve's bag laid on the floor. He just brings the whole bag over and sets it beside Steve, sitting at the edge of the bed himself now instead of retaking his spot from before.  
———  
Steve took the bag into his lap and rifled through it, pulling out his sketch book and his charcoals. Steve glanced over at Bucky and started sketching out the shape of his face and body into his sketch book. “Come back here.” Steve mumbled and moved so at least their legs were touching. Bucky definitely seemed to be an exception to his no touching rule. He didn’t know why, but he was. Steve just trusted Bucky already, despite not knowing him for very long, the man just had a genuine feel to him Like he would never hurt Steve.  
———  
Bucky was admittedly zoning out a bit to the soft scratch of charcoal on paper so he was a little startled when he heard Steve's soft and low voice talk to him again. Without even really consciously thinking about it he moved on Steve's command, scooting closer and laying side by side with him so they were pressed together pretty much all the way down the line. He glances over at the paper and raises his eyebrows a bit. He was almost certain he already recognized his own facial structure in the Sketch but he really did not want to be that presumptuous ass that assumed anything. "Who are you drawing? It looks amazing. You have a real talent Stevie."  
———  
“If you cant recognize your own face, I’m a little worried about my skills” Steve chuckled and scrutinized the drawing. “You have really nice cheek bones. Your whole facial structure is beautiful, can’t help but draw those sharp lines, and...” Steve cut himself off, blushing deeply. “You just have a really nice bone structure. Any artist would kill to draw you.” He said and rested his head on buckys shoulder as he drew. Bucky really did have the perfect face to draw. He had to have girls Fighting to be the one on his arm. Steve didn’t doubt that he would probably be glared and hissed at by all the teenagers and young women in hydra.  
———  
Bucky laughs and smiles, shaking his head and grinning widely. "I thought it was, I just didn't want to sound cocky or anything." He laughs and then found himself blushing deeply. "Jeez uh.. thank you? I'm glad you think I'm aesthetically pleasing?" He chuckles and shakes his head a bit, scooting down a bit so Steve could pillow his head on his shoulder easier. He quite enjoyed the soft weight resting there. He wasn't sure how he should really take Steve's compliments, honestly. A part of him Recognized that of course Steve was an artist and saw everything through those eyes but another small part of him remembers Steve stating that he was bisexual and Bucky felt like maybe the compliments ran a little deeper than that. All he could do was sigh and hope he could dissect the insides of his own head and get himself figured out soon enough.  
———  
Steve continued drawing Bucky, doodling on the side of the image, close ups of buckys eyes, his sharp jawline, and his lips. “What can I say, I know when I like something, and you’ve got a very nice face.” Steve said distractedly. “Shocked artists don’t stop you and beg you to let them draw you” Steve chuckled and shook his head  
———  
Yeah that did absolutely nothing to clarify anything for him besides maybe leaning in the direction he feared. He watches Steve carefully draw and shade the lines of his lips and he unintentionally licks them a bit, feeling how chapped they were. "Is that really how you see me?" The man on the paper looked so.. handsome and perfect. Bucky knew there was no way it could be his likeness.  
———  
Steve looked at Bucky in confusion and frowned. “What do you mean? I’m just drawing you as... you. You may not see you this way, but this is how you really look. I’m an artist, it’s kind of my job to see people as who they are.” Steve told him and looked over at his face. He ran his thumb over buckys brow bone “you have bright blue eyes that anyone would kill for” He then ran his thumb across buckys cheeks and jaw “and These cheek bones are full, your jaw defined.” Then Steve lightly swiped his thumb across buckys lower lip. “And your lips are full, soft pink, but chapped, it looks like you bite the skin on your lips...”  
———  
Bucky could feel the soft red color filling his cheeks when Steve drug his thumb slowly across the smooth lines of his face, his breath blowing out soft and warm against the pad of his finger when it left a streak of warmth across his lip. His uncertain eyes look down at Steve and he quickly shakes his head to pull himself from his reverie. "To see the world from an artist's eyes." He sighs softly, trying to get his rampantly beating heart under control once again. This was not the sort of Reactions he should be having. 'You're a straight man. What are you doing? Calm yourself!' He scolds himself internally.  
———  
Steve smiled and set his drawing things aside. “Artists see the best in everyone. Either way, no one would have a problem seeing the best in you.” Steve told him and leaned further against Bucky with a content sigh. It amazes Steve that he went from hating Bucky, to seeing the absolute best in the man- the beauty in him.  
———  
"You'd be surprised." Bucky gives a hollow sounding little chuckle. "I'm not innocent, Steve. I'm not a good man. Better than some, but I'm far from a pure soul. If I ever were a Christian man I would know and have no choice but to accept that I'm long doomed to hell." He said with calm confidence.  
———  
Steve frowned at that And looked down. “You don’t have to be a good person for you to be beautiful. There’s good parts to everyone. I see more good in you than bad. If you were a bad man, you would have left me on the ground with broken ribs earlier, you would have had sex with me already, id have bruises on my body from you.” Steve said softly  
———  
He felt his jaw clench angrily, anger welling up in him at the thought of anyone ever doing that to Steve. "I won't hurt you. I'm not heartless enough to try to ruin the sweetest and most pure thing I've ever been given responsibility for." He really couldn't stand the idea of Steve being hurt, which he knew was a weakness that could very well begin posing problems for him later on.  
———  
“Bucky, I’m not the precious thing you seem to make me out as. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. People have showed me things that made me hate them to death. I’m not pure like you think I am. I’m not as sweet as you think I am. I was so /sick/ of the sex Ed class they made me take that I beat the teacher up until he was bloody and bruised.” Steve told him and tugged at his hair lightly in stress. He didn’t want Bucky to have a false image of him, and seeing him as pure and sweet, was the wrong Image. Steve was just as messed up as Bucky was, and he hoped Bucky would see that  
———  
Bucky had to take a pause when he heard that and he gives a little slow smile. "Gimme some warning of you ever think you're gonna start beating on me." He requests calmly, showing that he understood what Steve was saying and he was accepting it with grace. It wasn't like Bucky hasn't gotten into more than enough fights himself so he could never judge Steve for it. Hell he admired the kid for it if anything. He's always wanted to take a swing at a few of his teachers but had never had the guts Enough to do it and face the wrath of his father afterwards.  
——-  
“I’d never hit you. You’re my husband.” Steve promised “I only hit the people that deserve it, the sex Ed teacher was one. I don’t need to know or be shown how to jack someone off and be shown how to fucking fing-“ Steve stopped himself there and took a deep breath before he got wound up. “Point is, I don’t hurt people unless they should be hurt. Which isn’t too often.” He mumbled and sighed  
———  
Bucky raises his eyebrows a bit, surprised at the sudden outburst. It was definitely the most angry he'd ever seen the boy get so far. "Easy Steve. Calm down buddy, it's alright." he soothes him, not wanting him to get so worked up that he managed to do more damage to his ribs by breathing to hard or something. "I agree. You don't have to defend yourself to me. I know you're not the kind of guy to walk around hitting people for fun. There's more than enough of that sort around here and none of them have half the humanity you have. I fully encourage you to deck anyone including me that ever makes you uncomfortable for any reason."  
———  
“Wow, so I get to deck your father?” Steve said in mock surprised, then gave a laugh so Bucky knew he was joking. “Even if you made me uncomfortable, I don’t think I could ever hit you.” He admitted. A small blush spreading across his face. “You’re my husband, I’m meant to be loyal to you, that means I don’t hit you, I don’t cheat on you. I plan to keep good to that.” Steve told him and looked him in his eyes.  
———  
Bucky gives a laugh himself, nodding and smiling. He knew Steve was joking but honestly he would kind of love to see Steve punch Pierce. Hell it would honestly make his day. "I know. I would never raise a hand at you either. You're my husband as well it's my duty to protect you and give you all the comfort and security I can and I plan on following through with all of this." It was almost scary to him how much he /wanted/ to take care of Steve.  
———  
Steve nodded and sat up straight, attempting and failing to pull his knees to his chest. “My family always taught me so terribly. They told me that husbands were meant to cheat on their wives, supposed to raise their hands to them so they would learn to be better.” Steve took in a breath. “They wanted to prepare me for the worst, but they shouldn’t have bothered. You are one of the very best men I have met in my life. I know you’ll take care of me.”  
———  
Bucky remembers what Natasha said and he just nods a little. "They thought they were doing the right thing. And we could be in a very different position right now if I'd turned out at all how my father wanted me to. But I'm glad I didn't because now instead of using you as a sex doll and hurting you, I get to protect you and make you smile every chance I get. This is much more satisfying to me honestly." He smiles and gives Steve a soft squeeze around the shoulders and bumps his nose lightly to the side of his head.  
———  
Steve smiled and nodded in agreement. “You’re such a kindhearted man, Bucky. Any girl would be lucky to have you at their side” Steve told him and melted into the embrace. “Although, I take that back, you won’t take me to the library, that downgrades you to a nice man instead of kindhearted.” Steve joked and grinned up at Bucky  
———  
Bucky chuckles and shakes his head. "Well. Too bad for them I'm already married off to the other kindest man in the kingdom." He says casually, eyes looking at the wall instead of Steve when he said that. Did that sound flirty? That seemed kind of flirty to him. Oops. He bursts out laughing when Steve added the second part and shakes his head. "Jeez a full level downgrade just for that? Tough standards here pal. I told ya I was gonna take you there tomorrow. It's for your own damn good." He Scolds lightly and pinches Steve's nose to annoy him.  
———  
Steve shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “A full level downgrade, mister Barnes. I seem to have a kink for libraries, and I would like to see the one you have here.” Steve replied seriously and swatted buckys hands from his nose with a nasally whine. “Bucky Barnes! Get your hands off my face, I’ll kill you! God knows where they’ve been!” Steve said with a laugh and scrunched his face up in distaste, and shoved his hands into buckys face  
———  
Bucky seemed to unintentionally prick up a little at the mention of Steve having a kink and he grins. "Oh? So that's what turns you on? Lots of old books?" He couldn't help but rib at him a little bit affectionately. He laughs brightly at Steve's complaints and kept at it, pinching his cheeks now. "Aww little Stevie are you making death threats at me?" He flutters his eyelashes and laughs when the boy tries to get his hands on his face in return. "I'll lick it. Don't think I won't. I don't care where they’ve been”  
———  
“Yup! Books! Love me some books!” Steve told him, while still attempting to get buckys hands from his face. “Yes I am making death threats! You may not make it to our wedding day!” Steve told him with a laugh. “At least you know my hands haven’t been down my pants, I’m positive we can’t say the same for you!” Steve insisted, and managed to move them so his hands are covering buckys nose and mouth  
———  
Bucky was laughing as they struggled around each other, Bucky being very conscious and careful about Steve's ribs the whole while. His face turns dark red when Steve talked about his hands being down his pants and he was momentarily stunned enough that the smaller boy was able to overpower him and finally switch their positions so he was holding Bucky down by the mouth. The brunet looked up at him and gives a lazy shrug, licking along Steve's hand before starting to kiss and suck gently on the Skin, not worried at all about anything in the world it seemed. Even though he really couldn't breathe with how Steve covered both his mouth and nose he trusted the younger male to not actually kill him so he made himself stay calm and compliant under him.  
———  
Steve made a small noise of panic when Bucky started to kiss and suck his hands and fingers. A blush spread across his face and he pulled his hands back, and sat next to Bucky. “S-sorry.” Steve stuttered out nervously. Bucky sucking at his fingers reminded him of the one sex Ed class he had. Steve sat back and bit his lip, looking over at Bucky.   
Steve had about a month's worth of sex Ed, and one class covered how to... prep yourself... Steve shuddered at the thought and grimaced. The teacher Said it would always involve fingers, sometimes spit, sometimes lube. Steve sighed and held his hands close to his body, tucking them out of sight  
——-  
Bucky initially was pretty unphased, just taking his victory as it was and being happy that Steve had not actually strangled him. But then he noticed the strange and nervous look on the blonds face and he frowns a bit, turning over onto his side to face him and looking up at him with a gentle expression. "Steve? Are you okay? What happened?" His first instinct was to panic about his ribs being hurt but the look on Steve's face wasn't so much pain as it was just pure discomfort and nervousness.  
———  
Steve shook his head and gave Bucky a tense smile. “I’m ok, nothing happened. It’s alright.” Steve said and tried to take a deep breath, but ended up sputtering from the pain it caused his ribs. Steve clenched his jaw and angrily laid himself down on the bed and covered himself tightly. He needed to learn how to hide things better, and his ribs needed to stop getting in the damn way.   
Steve saw the way Bucky looked at him and he sighed. “No kissing or licking fingers, understood?” He mumbled and gave Bucky a sharp look.  
———  
Bucky winced when he heard the pain in Steve's breath and he watched the younger male lay down with worried eyes. He tilts his head a little, clearly not understanding what had happened or why Steve had so suddenly went from cuddling and playing around with him to giving him the cold shoulder but he nods anyway, scooting to the side a little to give Steve more space between them. "I'm.. sorry? I won't do it again." He says softly as he tips his head back to look at the ceiling.  
———  
“Thank you.” Steve said softly and sighed. “I’m sorry as well, I don’t mean to keep freaking out on you.” Steve said and shut his eyes, trying to just go to sleep. He wished he could just be normal and stop getting upset over absolutely nothing. Steve sighed and started to slowly drift off to sleep.  
———  
"It's alright Steve." His voice softened a bit and he saw that the blond was going to try to go to sleep so he slowly stands up, running a slow and gentle hand through his hair before he turns to leave. He'd have to find somewhere else to sleep so he wouldn't be able to octopus himself around Steve like that ever again. He knew he couldn't control or trust himself. There had to be a room somewhere he could hide and not be found. He makes his way down the hall and decides to go out to the barn to Make sure that the horses have been properly taken care of since he hadn't done it himself like usual. He wouldn't be surprised if Winter was still fully tacked since no one wanted to get that close to him.  
———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, new chapter, posted from Work because we’re fuckjng dead because we’re redoing the sidewalks... anyways, leave comments!!!


	11. Alexander Pierce

Alexander noticed Bucky walking to the stables and decided to follow him.   
“Is the boy being good for you? His mother assured me that he was trained well.” Alexander asked and glanced over at Bucky. “He was set up with trainers and was made just for you, my boy.” Alexander said and leaned against one of the walls of the stable  
———  
Bucky winced and barely was able to contain his groan when he noticed his father following him. His hands clench into fists and he tucks them hurriedly into his pockets so Alex wouldn't see. "He's fine. He was injured on the ride here and we are pushing the wedding date back until he is recovered." He says in his usual impassive and smooth voice he used when addressing his father. There wasn't a question involved in that statement and he was not seeking permission, only telling him exactly what he was doing.  
———  
“I’m aware.” Alex told him smoothly and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Has he shown you his... talents, yet? I had some of our best teachers and whores go help him learn for you. I wanted you to have the best, son.” Alex said with a smirk. He really did do his best to get his son the perfect whore.   
“If he does not obey you, we can always have someone send over to help him learn to listen.”  
———  
Bucky almost growled again but this time a little sound actually did escape though it sounded more like a disapproving grunt than anything else. "It is not any of your business how Steve preformed for me. If I ever have any issues with anything I will let you know." He huffs, shouldering past his father and continuing on his way towards the stable. He absolutely would never go to Pierce about anything, especially anything regarding Steve. God knows what the man would do to the sweet little blond laying in his bed.   
Without even checking if Alex had followed him he goes to the barn and finds Winter standing in the middle of the isle, eating hay at his own free will. He was still wearing all his gear. He sighs and whistles to catch the stallions attention as he approaches so he wouldn't get kicked.  
———  
“I would like to know how my pet is doing.” Alex told him with a glare. “So tell me how he is doing, James. I swear if you don’t tell me, I will send someone to watch that room and report back to me. Would you like me to do that?” He asked and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Bucky unhappily, already plotting ways in his head to hurt Steve. He could tell Bucky liked the boy already, and he now knew his way to get to his son. “Or maybe, if you do not tell me, I will just hurt the boy Send in another whore to teach him. Or, oh I know! I can send one of our warriors to teach him a lesson.”  
———  
Bucky pulls Winters head up by his bridle and pats the horse on the side as he goes to start loosening the girth on his saddle but pauses when he heard his fathers words. His hands clench up into fists and he looks at his father with an absolute death stare. "Keep your goddamned nose out of Steve and I's business. His performance is perfectly satisfactory, thank you." He spits out through clenched teeth and tight lips. The idea of Pierce letting anyone else touch Steve made him sick to his Stomach with rage and just a misplaced feeling of discomfort. It shouldn't have upset him that much... but it did.  
————  
“Thank you. That is all I wished to know.” Alex said with a smirk and shook his head. “Silly boy, getting so defensive. However, if I were you, I’d hurry up with that horse of yours. I heard some of the warriors in the castle saying how much they enjoyed steves body, how small and frail he was. They might’ve mentioned attempting to get him alone.” Alex lied, yes the warriors mentioned what they wished to do to Steve, but none of them would ever do that to a prince. Bucky didn’t need to know that Though. Alex just wanted to rile him up, see just how protective of the smaller boy he was.  
———  
Bucky felt ice run through his veins and he was pretty certain his breath caught in his throat audibly but he tried to keep his blank face up. "Steve is guarded by Sam at the moment. No one is getting to him." He says calmly though he was flipping out inside. Why hadn't he been more intelligent and actually posted Sam on watch duty??!! He was almost certain that his father was just trying to force a reaction out of him which is why he stayed so calm outwardly but if he did begin rushing through The motions of pulling the tack off his horse and only gave it a half assed wipe down instead of the through cleaning he normally did no one had to know.  
———  
Alex caught the slightest look of panic from his boy and tried to contain a smirk. “I know the ins and outs of this castle. Sam is currently in the great hall eating his weight in vanilla pudding meant for your wedding.” Alex said confidently, knowing that’s where sam was. “Now, why don’t you go save your precious little husband.” He said and walked away, back to his chambers with a devilish smirk on his face. “I would like you to go check on Steve, see if he needs any medicines or help with Anything.” Alex told one of the warriors he saw roaming the castle, his name was Clint, if alex remembered correctly  
———  
Bucky grabs Winters halter and pulls him over to his stall, urging the horse into the small space and shutting the door, latching it in a hurry as he fumbles around to try and get up to his room as fast as possible. He'd have to apologize to Winter in the morning- he never rushed his horse like that- but Steve had top priority. He hoped that Pierce was not around to see how he rushed down the hall at a practical jog, moving in a way that definitely suggested panic. He hustles up towards his wing Of the castle and growls when he saw the back of one of the Warriors heading in that same direction. Before he could even think about it he rushes forward and body slams the man to the wall, pinning him there with his arm across his throat. "You stay the fuck away from Steve." He growls in his most dark and threatening voice.  
———  
Clint raised his arms in surrender and looked at the prince in fear. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Your father told me to check on Steve! Your father said, said he might need medicine or help getting around while you weren’t around! I’m sorry I’ll never set foot in this wing again!” He rushed out in a panicked voice. He had no clue what was happening, no clue why he was attacked. “I was just trying to do as the king asked, I’m very sorry, lord Barnes. Please do not kill me or throw me from the kingdom” Clint begged.  
———  
Bucky had a moment of seeing total red when he heard the guards pleading words. Of fucking course. He wanted to choke Pierce for this. The man couldn't have staged it any better. Bucky clears his throat and steps back in surrender, dropping his hold on the man. "My apologies. There's been a.. ahh.. a misunderstanding lets call it. You've not done anything wrong. You're dismissed." He says calmly as he turns and continues on his way towards where Steve was hopefully still sleeping peacefully. Hes Never felt so fiercely protective over anyone before in his life and the emotions honestly scared him a little. He didn't know how he should handle this. He already felt that he would give his life to protect Steve and that certainly put him in a scary spot seeing how Pierce was already using Steve as leverage to fuck with his head.


	12. Le petit prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, two chapters in one day! I felt bad about the lack of length in the last one, but I felt like that was the perfect ending for the last chapter.

Steve had woken up at some point after a nightmare, and he couldn’t convince himself to go to sleep again.  
Steve sighed and got out of bed, at a complete loss for what to do, he couldn’t stay in this damned room anymore, and Bucky was no where to be found! Steve pulled on a tunic and some slippers, he already had sweats on. He made his way out of the room a d started heading in the direction a guard said the library was.   
Steve made it to the library not too long after, and he gaped at how big It was, how amazing. There was thousands of books lining the walls, and Steve hobbled his way over to try and find a book that his only nice maid used to read to him. It would surely help him sleep, perhaps if Bucky got back before he fell to sleep, he could read it to him. Finally Steve found the original french version of Le petit prince. He smiled widely and started to slowly make his way back to the bedroom, the book clutched in his arms.   
What Steve didn’t realize was, it had taken him an Hour to find the book he oh so cherished.  
———  
When Bucky got back to the room he'd knocked on his door, hoping that if Steve was awake he would be signaled to come in. He didn't hear anything which meant that the boy was probably still asleep. He opened the door with the intentions of just slipping in and grabbing more comfy clothes to wear to bed before finding his own place to sleep but when he saw the empty bed his heart fell to the bottoms of his feet, not breathing at all for a solid minute. Of course no one would be stupid enough to Molest Steve right in Bucky's own room. Had that man in the hallway just been a decoy? Oh when he found who had taken Steve they were going to pay by the blade of Bucky's sword, and if the boy was hurt he would make it a long and painful death. Bucky was a kind soul but he had trained with Natasha. He knew all the best and most painful ways to kill a man and in a situation like this he would not hesitate to use that knowledge. No one was to ever hurt Steve, and if a few bad men had to die for That point to be made he would not hesitate on it. He stalks off down the hall, murder on his mind and determination set on his brow to find his soon to be husband.  
——-  
Steve was flicking through the pages of the book, completely engrossed in it when he hit what felt like a Brick Wall. Except brick walls weren’t warm, nor did they breath. Steve cried out in pain and glanced up to see none other than Brock looking down at him.   
“What are you doing out all by yourself, whore?” He asked with a sneer and grabbed Steve by the scruff of his neck.  
“I was just getting a book! Bucky slipped off while I slept, I wanted a book to read so I went to the library!” Steve told Brock, and winced as the man grabbed the scruff of his neck roughly.   
Brock pulled Steve down the hall, still by his neck. “Brock please let me go, I would just like to go back to my room, I meant no harm, I swear it!” Steve told him and glanced at him with big, sad eyes. He was in pain and just wanted to go back to his room. Funny to think not long ago he couldn’t stand the bedroom, now he wished he was there. “Please let me go, you can escort me back, but I can walk on my own, I promise!”  
———  
Bucky had been headed the opposite direction but he thought he heard Steve's voice echoing through the halls and he takes off in a sprint towards it, hand on the hilt of his dagger ready to draw and behead whoever had a hold on his Steve. He rounds a corner and his eyes narrow to slits when they land on Rumlow holding Steve by the back of the neck, dragging him down the hall. "Hey! Runlow!" He barks loudly, stalking forward with a gait commonly called the 'Barnes Murder Strut' that was only used When the brunet meant business. "Get your hands off of my husband unless you intend to loose those hands." Hd says calmly as he saddles up to Steve's side, giving him a worried once over, relieved to see he was fully dressed and didn't appear to have any new physical wounds.  
———  
“Woah, man, I was just trying to get him back to your room safely! He seemed pretty damn lost, looked like he needed some help!” Rumlow said with a glare and his own hand went to his dagger.  
Steve moved closer to Bucky and hid himself in buckys back. “It’s ok... no harm done... I’m ok.” Steve mumbled and looked down. He was thinking how Rumlow called him a whore, was that how everyone in the castle saw him? He wondered to Himself. “Can we please just go back to our room? I just wanted to get a book, I got the book and now we can go.” Steve mumbled and looked up at Bucky with a pout  
———  
Bucky glances over his shoulder once Steve got himself hidden behind him and he growls lowly and shakes his head. "Damnit Steve you couldn't have waited for me?" He sighs and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration but he really was relieved that the boy was okay. He turns a red hot glare on Rumlow and looked a bit like a dog showing his teeth with the way he smiles at Rumlow. "Thank you for your assistance but I can take it from here. Also if you ever take issue with Steve wandering Around I would recommend that you contact me to come fetch him instead of taking matters into your own hands. I may just get the wrong idea from your helpfulness." His voice dropped honey sweet sarcasm. He knew exactly what Rumlow had been getting at but he would play along for now to avoid a scene. "Come on Steve." He puts an arm lightly around his waist and steers him off towards the bedroom again, keeping one eye over his shoulder on Rumlow.  
———  
Brock tensed up and clenched his jaw, glaring at Steve and Bucky as they left.  
Steves hands were shaking as they walked back to their room “I’m so sorry Bucky, I woke up after a bad dream, I couldn’t sleep, I just wanted a book the maid used to read to me. I’m sorry Bucky, I didn’t mean to get into any trouble, I swear.” He said with a shaky voice and looked up at Bucky with wide eyes. “I don’t... I don’t listen, I’m sorry... mother would’ve killed me had I run off after she said no. I’ll just Go back to sleep, ok? I don’t mean to cause problems... I promise.” Steve mumbled and wrapped his arms around himself  
———  
Bucky kept a blank face as they made their way down the hall even while listening to Steve's apologies. He knew Pierce had eyes everywhere. But as soon as they were closed safely in the privacy of his own room and he had locked the door he wraps himself around Steve in a tight hug. "Jesus Steve." He gasps out in a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Fuck. Fuck if you had any idea what I just- agh. I'm sorry I was so cold. Pierce is onto us I think. He's.. messing with my head. Normally I'm Able to block his shit out and resist him but now he's got a pretty damn good angle on me and he knows it. I'm sorry." He sighs and lets him go, stepping back. "Try to not scare me like that again, okay? I was just worried about you."  
———  
Steves lower lip trembled as they walked back to the room, and his eyes filled with tears the longer Bucky ignored him.   
Steve tensed up and went completely still when Bucky hugged him. “please don’t hurt me.” He whimpered and kept his hands firmly to his sides. “I didn’t mean to disobey you, I’ll be better I promise, don’t hurt me.” Steve said, his heart beat speeding up. He really hadn’t thought it would upset Bucky, he didn’t think the man would be so cold towards him. “I won’t even leave the Room at all anymore, ok? If I need anything you can decide if you want to get it for me, I won’t upset you anymore. I just wanted the book...”  
———  
"Steve. Steve it's okay." He could feel the tension in the smaller boy and he immediately begins to rub his hands warmly over his back to soothe him. "I'm not mad at you. I promise. It's not you in upset at. I lashed out at you in my anger over my father. I'm sorry. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. I never will." He promises. "I only want to protect you." He whispers softly, his voice a soft lulling sound muffled by Steve's hair. "What book is it?" He asks after a few tense moments, trying To draw Steve out of himself again and show him that he wasn't upset with him. He still wanted to engage in open and normal conversation with the boy.  
———  
Steve didn’t believe Bucky when he said he wasn’t angry, and wasn’t going to hurt him, but he sniffles and put on a brave face. “Le petit prince. The only one maid who was nice to me read it to me every night before I went to bed.” He told Bucky quietly and handed him the book. “I’ll go back to bed now. I won’t leave the room again, Promise.” He mumbled and started to make his way to the bed, his head hanging towards the floor. He felt terrible for leaving and upsetting Bucky, he realized he Made a mistake in leaving. Clearly something was going on with Bucky, and it stemmed from Steve leaving the room.  
———  
Bucky's frown only deepens as he watches the dejected way Steve walked back towards his bed. He looks down at the book in his hand, weighing it there for a moment before kicking his boots off and padding quietly over to the bed with him. "I won't sleep here with you but would you like me to read this to you until you fall asleep?" He didn't know if that would be considered crossing a line or not but Steve had mentioned the memory with such fondness in his voice that he thought perhaps him doing It could help further soothe and negate Steve's concern about pudding him of  
———  
“You can sleep here. I don’t care.” Steve shrugged. “And I wouldn’t mind you reading to me, if that’s what you wish to do...” steve said and bit his lip. “But... can you tell me why you were so upset at me leaving the room? I’ll never leave it again, I just wanted to know why it made you so upset...” Steve said nervously, expecting Bucky to lash out at him do even asking.  
———  
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable again. Last night was not a good thing and I still feel pretty shitty about that but I don't want to do it again." he explains as he comes and sits on the edge of the bed. He looks down at Steve and nods. "Sure. Yeah. So.. I went to the stables after you fell asleep because I wanted to make sure Winter got properly put away for the night and my fucking asshole father found me and he just..said somethings that really put me on edge to begin with and then I came back here and you weren't in the room anymore and I honestly just freaked because I was afraid that what my father had tried to scare me about had actually happened and then I saw you with Rumlow an I just-yeah. I lost my cool a little."  
———-  
“Just sleep here. It is your bed. I won’t hit you again. I promise... just sleep here.” Steve mumbled and moved over to his side of the bed to lay down on.   
“What did your father tell you though?..” Steve asked hesitantly with worry, thoughts were swirling around in his head as to what his father told him. Did he say he would have Rumlow hurt him, did he say he was going to send Steve back to shield?   
Steve ran his fingers through his hair, tugging it slightly.  
———  
Bucky didn't really want to tell Steve, honestly. It was disgusting that the man would even tease about such a thing and he knew it would only serve to make Steve more anxious. But he didn't want to lie to him so he sighs heavily before speaking. "He told me that he'd heard some of his warriors talking about you in a.. less than decent way and warned me that I should hurry back to you before they got you alone." He says in a slow and calculated voice.  
———  
Steve clenched his jaw, that was worse than he had thought up. Sure it wasn’t unusual for that to happen amongst warriors and peasants, but that made it no less disgusting. However, what made Steve more concerned is that they’d dare do anything like that to a prince. Clearly warriors here were more bold and less fearful, or maybe, the punishment in the kingdom was less than sufficient. “It is to be expected. I do not expect to be any less than a common whore to them, who they see fit to do Anything to. I am from another kingdom, I seem unworthy to be here. I am small and easy to overpower as well, so that helps none.” Steve said hardly above a whisper and looked away. “If anyone gets to me, hurts me... touches me, I promise you’ll be the first to know.”  
———  
Bucky growls softly. "All that aside you're still a damned prince. And even if you weren't a prince you're engaged to be married to one so they should know better than to keep their filthy hands off of you or face the punishment. I keep telling myself no one will be dumb enough to actually try anything but Pierce has me paranoid now and then I saw Rumlow holding you by the neck.. not a good evening in my book." He shakes his head and leans it back against the headboard of the bed with a deep Sigh. He so wished things would be different between them.  
———  
Steve sighed and moved closer to Bucky hesitantly, and brushed his hair from his face. “Enough of this talk, today has already been horrible enough for the both of us. Hold me, and read my book to me, please.” He all but demanded the last part, growing bolder, knowing it would make Bucky feel somewhat better. He knew Bucky hated his sulking, he could just tell. Steve pressed himself against Bucky, and curled up, his head laying on buckys chest. “If I wake up and you are not in this bed, you Should expect anger, by the way.” Steve warned him with a small smirk on his face.  
———  
His deep blue eyes open when he felt the gentle brush of Steve removing his flyaway hair from his face. He smiles at him and was surprised by the boldness of the blond when he made his demands and practically laid on top of him. He carefully wraps one arm around him and used the other to hold the book. "Are you sure, Steve? You don't have to push yourself.. I know you don't like being held or feeling trapped. You know I turn into a suction cup to whatever is warm next to me at night.."  
———  
“It is your bed, you have a right to suction cup me all you want.” Steve countered, knowing he would get upset by being held as he slept, but wanting to deal with it. He had to get used to it eventually. “I just want us to be as normal of a couple as a straight guy and a pansexual guy can be, that includes sleeping in the same bed. Not to mention the fact that I’m sure your father has ways of knowing if we sleep together, so it’s best we actually do...”  
———  
Bucky sighs softly and nods a little, knowing Steve was right. "We're quite the pair, aren't we?" He chuckles. "Couple of the year right here." He laughs softly and shakes his head as he tucks Steve under his jaw and opens up the book. "Forgive me if my French is a bit rusty. It's been a while since I've actually spoken it." He says quietly before beginning to read; the foreign words flowing smoothly off his tongue as easily as he spoke English.  
———  
“We deserve an awards.” Steve agreed with a cheeky grin, and shut his eyes, melting against buckys body.  
Steve listened halfheartedly to Bucky, he was absolutely exhausted after the trials of the past day. “Thank you.” Steve mumbled to Bucky quietly once there was a pause in the book.   
Had Steve been more awake, he would’ve found Bucky speaking french absolutely erotic, but he was far too tired for that. Near the end of the book, Steve drifted off to sleep once again, his body still plastered to Buckys.  
———  
Bucky heard the softly muttered thank you and he just smiles, nodding and pressing a feather light kiss to Steve's hair that he was certain the other boy didn't feel before continuing to read. He felt the moment when Steve finally lost consciousness and went heavy against him but he kept quietly reading until his own eyes grew heavy. He reaches over carefully and shuts the lamp off, laying down slowly and pulling Steve so the other was on top of him so Steve wouldn't be crushed under his body Like last time and if he did wake and panic at least he could easily get away like this. Bucky normally didn't like sleeping on his back but if it made Steve more comfortable he would do it. He fell asleep rather quickly as well, a soft and faint smile on his lips.


	13. I don’t want to admit it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry I wasn’t gone10 days, Work has been INSANE!

Steve groaned as Bucky drug him from the bed. “I don’t want to go out! I am perfectly content staying in bed!” He grumbled and glared. “You didn’t want me to leave the room a week ago!” Steve knew that was kind of a low blow, but he didn’t care. He had grown fond of the bed in their room, it was so comfy and he never wanted to leave it.   
“Bucky I swear, if you try and put that shirt on me I will murder you in your sleep!” He yelped as he saw Bucky approaching with a long sleeved shirt to put Over steves head. “I will throw a tantrum if you take one more step towards me.” He threatened.   
——-  
Steve had made a miraculous recovery... and his attitude towards a lot of things seemed to have been flipped entirely upside down in the week he's spent recovering. Like his opinion of being locked in a room, or being in bed.. particularly in being in bed with another person. Bucky hadn't yet managed to break himself of his cuddling habit but anymore it didn't seem that Steve mattered much at all so maybe he should just give up on the idea of ever stopping. Long as Steve was okay with it he was Too. However this whole thing was a bit more of a problem now because it seemed like little Steve was now determined that he was going to make things difficult for Bucky in the complete opposite manner of before. He shakes his head with a fond smile and rolls his eyes. "You won't do that and you know you won't. You'd miss being cuddled too much. Now shut up and let me put a shirt on you. Unless you'd rather wander about the grounds shirtless. I'm sure I would appreciate it and so would many Others which would be the problem actually. No choice. Put a damn shirt on." He laughs and stalks towards the blond, cornering him and pulling the shirt on over his head.  
———  
“James Buchanan Barnes, one more step and I will scream!” Steve growled as Bucky came closer. “I refuse to leave this room, I am not meeting anyone, I am not being formally married, I am not going to feasts!” He insisted in a bratty tone of voice. He had some anxiety issues about leaving the room to say the least, and he had become completely bratty. His true age showing through, as well as the childishness he had never got to have until the past week. He had demanded Bucky read to him every Night, demanded silken and lace panties, demanded to be held, and demanded Bucky pose for him to draw. In all actuality, Steve was acting like a toddler. A smart toddler, but a toddler none the less.  
Once Bucky trapped Steve against the wall and pulled the shirt over his head, Steve let a scream rip from his chest. “GET OFF ME YOU OAF I SWEAR I WILL TELL THE GUARDS YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO MURDER ME RIGHT NOW!HELP!” He screamed and glared at Bucky. Steve groaned once no guards showed up, it seemed Bucky had won... not for long though, Steve would find a way to get back at him. “Fine, meanie. You win.” He grumbled and stomped over to where his boots lay and pulled them on.  
———  
"Good thing we're not being married right now." He chuckles as he fights the squirming boy to get the shirt on. He honestly thought Steve's behavior was kind of cute. He knew Steve had never been able to just let go and act like this so he was happy to indulge him in all his desires to keep him happy and comfortable. Steve was the biggest brat he'd ever dealt with in his life but he found it all annoyingly adorable. He winced at the scream the boy unleashed when the shirt was pulled over his Head but he laughs at the hollering that had come after it. "Steve you dope you're going to turn into the boy who cried wolf and then when I actually do attempt to murder you no one is going to believe it!" He laughs and lets him go as he wanders to the dresser to get a change of clothes on himself, pulling his baggy sleeping pants off and changing into much more form fitting jeans that accented his sharp hips and narrow waist perfectly along with a loose white shirt that gave him a very casual And relaxed appearance. He pulls his black riding boots on since they were the most comfortable shoes he had at hand. "We'll just walk around the castle a bit. Maybe go into the courtyard and stable." He hadn't seen much of Winter at all in the past week and he felt bad about it.  
———  
Steve glared at Bucky and folded his arms over his chest. “Well, as long as the guards will stop you from forcing me from this room everyday, I will be fine being murdered by you eventually.” He shrugged and watched as Bucky got dressed, admiring the pants he put on. “The only saving grace of this day will be the fact that your butt looks absolutely fantastic in those jeans.” Steve huffed. That was another thing- Steve had taken to complimenting buckys body anytime the moment came around. The First time he did was the third day of his injury, he was laying in bed, watching as Bucky stripped to his boxers to change, and he mindlessly whistled and clapped in an over exaggerated way, then started complimenting his butt.   
“Am I aloud to have cake once we get back if I agree to go with you without a fit?” Steve questioned, his eyes going to calculating slits. He had come to love sweets now that he was able to eat them. Once again, emphasis on the fact Steve was getting the childhood he Never got to have while in shield.  
———  
He rolls his eyes but smiles, pulling his belt on and tightening it around his waist. "This is why we need to get you out of this room. I think you're developing Stockholm Syndrome." He laughs and stands in front of the mirror, messing with his hair meticulously even though it really already looked fine. He glances at Steve behind him and gives him a very exaggerated eye roll. He'd become used to Steve constantly throwing compliments around about his anatomy and he didn't even try to scold him For being inappropriate anymore. Instead he bends over at the waist a little and sticks his butt out further for Steve to admire. He claimed he wasn't gay but he really seemed to like the idea of another guy checking his ass out.   
"I suppose I can arrange to make that happen." He smiles. "But I expect a nice hug in return, right?" Bucky had grown very used to having someone around all the time, adapting from being lonely and sad to being far happier thanks to the constantly available cuddles Steve offered. He took no shame in using Steve as his own personal mood booster now.  
———  
Steve laughed “Bucky my arm isn’t long enough to slap your butt, don’t wiggle it unless I can!” He joked and walked over to Bucky, messing with his hair until Steve himself deemed it perfect, if they waited for Bucky to deem it perfect, they’d be there all day.   
“You will get your hug as soon as cake is in my hand.” Steve agreed “Now let’s go get this day over with. And don’t worry, I’ll act all meek and girlish while we’re Out Incase your father is watching or has someone else watching. I don’t want to get you in trouble.” Steve told him, in a more serious voice. He knew Bucky would get in trouble if Steve acted in public as he had been in private. It would seem as though Bucky had no control over him and just let Steve run wild. And seeing as though Steve is the “wife” of this marriage, he had to keep himself in check anytime they were somewhere people could see him.  
———  
Bucky laughs and shakes his head, smiling fondly at Steve as the boy came up behind him and fixed his hair for him. He trusted Steve to make it look alright and when he said it was good he didn't mess further with it. "So demanding." he chuckles and looks at the blond with an easy smile, reaching up to gently smooth down a flyaway strand of Steve's own soft hair.   
He sighs softly when he thinks about having to make Steve act like something he wasn't but he knew overall it was worth it to avoid any incidents like the first night they had spent together here. He despised his father and his attitude towards Steve and their relationship but Bucky wasn't about to try and jeopardize said relationship by making his father suspicious or angry. "I'll hold your hand the whole time. I promise." he says quietly as he leans over to give him a side hug.  
———  
Steve shut his eyes as Bucky smoothed his hair down for him, and sighed.   
“Would you like me to wear a dress?” Steve questioned in a monotone voice, and smirked to leu Bucky know he was joking. “Let’s go, since you seem so keen on getting me out of the bedroom. Which I ironic, men usually want to keep their wives in bed long as they can.” Steve chuckled a bit and gripped buckys hand tightly. “Am I aloud to hire a hitman to assassinate your father?” Steve questioned abruptly, thinking about how Different their lives would be if alex wasn’t around to hurt them.  
———  
Bucky snorts a little laugh and shakes his head. "Alright you goofball. Let's go. It was hard enough getting you dressed the first time without having to do an entire wardrobe change. And you're the one who pitched a fit about being stuck in the room all last week and could have gotten yourself hurt by distinctly making that desire known so damnit we are going outside now weather you like it or not." he gripes and shakes his head with an exasperated smile to let steve know that he wasn't mad and was only teasing the boy. He holds tight to Steve's hand in return and rubs his thumb gently over the back of it. "I wish Steve. I wish." he sighs, completely serious. He's thought along the same lines himself honestly and if he didn't want to become king so soon he may very well have acted on it long ago.  
———  
“Well excuse me, I’m just attempting to please your father with my girlish looks. Thought he might like me in a dress.” Steve teased and nudged Bucky. “Well, I wanted to leave last week, not now! There is a 7 day difference in that, Bucky. I now love this bedroom and wish to marry it!” Steve said with a huff and exaggerated roll of his eyes.   
“Now come on, let’s go before I change my mind and tie you down so I can stay in this room.” Steve said with a chuckle, and started pushing Bucky to the Door, not succeeding very well due to the fact he wasn’t built like Bucky was. He was tall, sure, but he was very skinny, had no muscle on his body, and almost no fat. The fat he did have was at his butt and thighs, and even that was very limited.  
———  
"Only person whos opinion of you matters is me, alright? And I think you're rocking those jeans babe." he laughs softly and gave him a retaliating nudge. "So you wish to marry my bedroom but not me? I'm mortally wounded Steve. You've cut my heart out with your cruel words. You've barely even laid on my bed! I always somehow seem to end up between it and you." Not that he was complaining. Like, at all. His eyebrows raise and then he wiggles them a little teasingly. "Oooh you want to tie me up? Kinky! I didn't know you had it in you Stevie boy! I'm impressed! Wanna tie the big bad prince up and have you wicked way with him?" he croons teasingly, rubbing up against Steve before skipping on his merry way to the door, Steve's pushing having little to no influence on his movements.  
———  
Steve did a doubletake When Bucky called him babe, and snorted a laugh. “Yes. I wish to marry your bedroom but not you. The bedroom is silent when you aren’t around, but you on the other hand- noisy and messy. I cannot put up with it anymore, cupcake.” Steve chuckled, then blinked at Bucky with a dry expression on his face. “There is absolutely no way you are straight.” Steve mumbled. “I’m not tying you up in that way, you idiot. I’m simply tying you down so I can cuddle the sweet, soft, loving Bed.” Steve said with a shake of his head, thinking about what Bucky had said. Calling him babe, then talking about Steve tying him up. Bucky had to be joking. No doubt about it.   
Steve followed Bucky out the door after a moment, contemplation clearly on his face. “Say you weren’t straight, how would you... would I be attractive enough for someone like you?” He questioned quietly after a moment.  
———  
"You keep hurting me." he gasps and shakes his head. "I didn't know my little cuddle bug could be so rude. I'm honestly appalled." he rests a pale hand over his chest and mocks having a heart attack. His face still heated up without his brains permission when Steve called him cupcake. He hadn't meant to call the boy with the petname but it had just sort of slipped out. It didn't really mean anything, right? He called Natasha that all the time. Nothing gay about it at all. But he did almost choke when Steve blatantly called his sexuality into question. "Ahmm no no I am straight. Very straight. Straight as a rail." his voice sounded forced and fake even to his own ears. 'Am I really? What is going on with me?' he had to question himself a bit. All this time spent with Steve certainly has made him question more than a few things he's always thought to be true about himself. The blond almost knocked him over with his follow up question too. He actually did have to lean back against the door for a moment to evaluate Steve before answering. "Steve I have no doubts that if you weren't saddled to me you could have anyone in any kingdom you would ever desire." he hoped that sounded a lot less gay to Steve than it did to himself.  
———  
Steve frowned and leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling naked and scared. “If I were a women do you think you could love me? Love me as your wife, not friend?..” Steve questioned quietly. Steve didn’t want to feel alone the rest of his life, and being unable to be loved because he was a male would be absolutely damaging to him. Perhaps he could go to a mage in the kingdom and have one of them change him so he presented as a female- parts and all. If that’s what it took to be in a marriage With love in it, that’s what he would do. He couldn’t stand the thought of never being in a marriage with love. He didn’t care who it was he married, he’d want love from them, he would settle for anyone. However, Steve felt as though loving Bucky wouldn’t be settling. Bucky is an amazing man.  
———  
Bucky lets out a shaky breath of his own and bites his lips. He had to choose his words very carefully. He wanted to admit to Steve the thoughts he was having but he didn't know if his deep bred catholic guilt and fear of being homosexual would ever allow him to really come out and love Steve like he wanted to and he didn't want to lead Steve on should that be the case. But there was that part of him that wanted to just pull the blond into his arms and promise him that he did love him and he wanted him exactly how he was. "I.. I don't know, Steve. I honestly don't know what to tell you." he sighs softly. "I.. I need to....think about some stuff, I guess. I.. have some shit going on." he says resignedly.  
———  
Steve watched Bucky blankly, suddenly shutting himself completely off. “I wish to visit a mage today, please.” Steve said quietly and turned away from Bucky. “Let’s go, please. You’re meant to be taking me out. Your father will be quite upset if we aren’t out and about soon.” Steve told him in a mumble and grabbed one of his jackets that was far too big on him, and pulled it around his body tightly.   
He knew it was unlikely that Bucky would love him with a female body, but he could still try. He Would still try. He just wanted to feel love from Bucky. Perhaps this could get him the love he craved.  
———  
Bucky knew what Steve was going to do. He wasn't stupid. "Steve. No. Come on now I know what you're up to and it's not going to help either of us if you go turning yourself into a girl. It aint gonna change anything alright? I do care about you Steve I just need to work with myself a little more before I'm comfortable enough to actually do anything about it." he sighs out in aa rush. "It isn't your body that matters to me. It's the soul inside you and your fucking amazing personality that makes me lo- care about you so much. You don't have to change yourself for me, Steve. I promise I'm working on it alright?" he begs him to understand with his endlessly sad blue eyes, wishing steve could feel as comfortable with himself as Bucky felt with him.  
———  
“I wish to go to a mage, James.” Steve repeated and crossed his arms around his body protectively. “Please, Let me. I just want to see if anything changes! I want to see if I can be loved! Not only by you, but by my mother!” Steve said, his voice getting louder and louder until he was shouting, tears brimming his eyes. He breathed heavily from the feeling he had pulled over himself. “If you let me do this, I will do anything for you in return, anything. I promise.” Steve said quieter, still Refusing to look at Bucky, he didn’t have the guts to right now  
———  
Bucky winced a little when Steve began raising his voice. The brunet really didn't take well to being yelled at, it always bore such a powerful negative reaction along with it that now he expected pain to accompany every raised voice. "Steve.." he whispers helplessly, reaching forward slowly as if he was going to hug him before retracting and stepping back fearfully. He didn't know what to do honestly. Finally he decided that he had to do something so he does swallow his pride and step forward, palms up and flat in a gesture of peace and surrender. "Steve. It's okay.. I need you to calm down for me, okay pal?"  
———  
Steve looked at Bucky, the corners of his lips tugging down in a frown once he realized he scared Bucky. “Please, Bucky. I wish to see a mage. I’ll be good if you let me, I swear. I’ll be the perfect wife, we can have children, I will let you have me in any way you wish, I’ll never disobey you. Everyone would be so much better off if I did this. Please... I want to be loved, Bucky. I want to be loved.” Steve whimpered and looked to Bucky helplessly, not knowing what to do. He wanted to be held And told everything would be ok, but he couldn’t bring himself to initiate the contact. “I’ll be good, I promise.” Steve whispered.  
———  
He listens to Steve's heartbroken words and he shakes his head a little, a fire slowly building up inside himself. "And what if I don't want any of that?" he asks quietly, his voice carefully controlled though hiding a deeper outrage. "What if I don't want a meek and submissive, and passive bitch to order around and use for my own pleasure? What if I like what we had going this week where you rebuttal everything I say with your own sarcasm and personality and you're not afraid to give my shit back to me? Come on Steve you know me. You know I am not the kind of guy that wants that kind of lifestyle or relationship. That would expect ot demand that behavior of my partner and would hinge my feelings towards them on it. I'm.. a little hurt that you still think that, honestly. I thought we were doing good. Getting along with each other. Hell I thought we were fucking happy. At least I was." he huffs and stands up. "You do whatever the fuck you want. But don't expect me to change my behavior towards you." he says coldly and stands, making his way out of the room in an icy breeze.  
———  
Steve watched Bucky leave with tears in his eyes, and he slowly pulled the jacket and shirt from his body, and went to lay back in the bed, a few tears slipping from his eyes. “I just want to be loved.” Steve whimpered and curled his body up into a ball, not caring how badly it hurt his ribs.   
He had gone and completely ruined a good thing, just because he wanted something he couldn’t have.   
Steve didn’t expect Bucky to come back, so he had no reservations about taking his frustrations out on Himself, tugging his hair, clawing at the skin on his thighs, tapping roughly at his temple, as though that would knock common sense into him. “You idiot!” Steve scolded himself in a growl and ground his teeth together. How foolish Steve was, to have hope something would change peoples views on him.  
———  
It was hard for Bucky to not go back to the room. After making it to the end of his hallway his anger had pretty well dissipated, leaving him just feeling cold and stupid. He wanted to go back to Steve but honestly he couldn't really handle it himself right now without running the risk of falling back so he located Sam and posted his friend at the end of the hall as a guard until he could return and he goes out to the stable, crawling into Winters stall and just climbing onto the horses back, laying down and feeling his horse shift and breathe lightly under him. He felt hot tears well up in the corners of his eyes and run silently down his cheeks, him doing nothing to stop them for once. Winter gave a soft nicker and twisted his head around a bit to lip at his handlers arm, sensing Bucky's pain and trying to make him laugh again. The horse had gone through many depressive episodes with his rider and knew how to care for Bucky by now but even that wasn't getting through to him. He wraps his arms around the stallions neck and cries into his mane, shaking his head. Had Steve been that unhappy the whole time? Bucky thought it had been a great week. They'd spent almost every moment together and he felt closer to Steve then he had ever let himself be to anyone, including Sam and Nat. But apparently his feelings of contentment were created by himself and just simply imagined on Steve. He felt so fucking stupid.  
———  
Good with him, so close to him, but I ruined it and hurt him. All I wanted was to be loved, but I took everything away from myself with one request.” Steve told him and felt more tears slip down his face.   
Sam ran his fingers through steves hair, and continued rubbing his back. “It’ll be ok Steve, I promise it’ll be ok. I sent Wanda to go talk to Bucky, it’s going to be ok.” He told the younger boy softly. 

 

Wanda sighed, the idiocy of all of these boys, she swears, she would never understand How Natasha could put up with them. She headed to the stables, finding Bucky curled up to winter. “I want you to wipe your eyes and get your ass back to your room, or mine, before Alex finds you, understand?” She said with a raised eyebrow.  
———  
Bucky startled a little and nearly fell off Winter's back when he heard the oddly accented voice of Wanda. The girl was the sister to the stablehand Pietro but over the years she's earned herself a bit of a reputation with Bucky for being scary good at reading him and directing him when he didn't know where to turn to next in his dark and gloomy life. He was both relieved and disheartened to see her. "It's been a day, Wanda. And it's barely noon." he says and slowly slips off the horse, standing beside him and resting a hand gently on his fuzzy nose when the horse inevitably draped his head over Bucky's shoulder to hug him. "If that jackass came after me right now I think I would just shoot him. I've had enough bullshit for one lifetime and I think I'm about to start slinging lead around instead of crying like a bitch." he mutters and presses a kiss to Winter's cheek and straightens his forelock before stepping away, knowing she was right overall. Seeing Pierce would not be beneficial to anything right now. "Did Sam send you after me or do you just have a 'Bucky is sad' sensor hidden somewhere that just goes off whenever I'm down?" he tries to lighten the mood himself but it fell flat of his usual jokes and charisma.  
———  
Wanda put an arm around Bucky and started to lead him back to his bedroom. “A bit of both, if I’m honest. Now cmon, tell me about your day on the walk back to your room, I want to hear all about how horrible it was so I can find something in it to turn your mood completely around, because you once again, misread things that happened.” Wanda told him with a soft smile on her face. She knew how Bucky got, she was practically his improvised therapist. Something minor would happen and it would throw Bucky completely off balance, and it would mess with him for days, that is if Wanda didn’t swoop in and fix it. She felt like she knew how to handle buckys antics better than anyone else could, she knew the ins and outs of his brains. “I’m sure whatever happened with your wi-husband, wasn’t as bad as you think it was, your judgment might just be clouded.” She murmured. She really did feel bad for Bucky, being forced into this marriage like he was. She was yet another person who didn’t like the Idea of him marrying Steve, but she would never show her distaste for the younger prince the way that Natasha did.  
———  
Bucky lets himself be tucked under her arm and follows her gentle guidance back towards his room. "I thought we were happy." it was all he could really say, as hurt as he was about everything else that was the main dagger to his chest. "After spending this week together while his ribs were healing I thought we had really gotten to know each other, thought we were comfortable and alright with each other, but then today he wanted to go to a mage and have himself turned into a girl because he wants me to love him and he doesnt know that I already do and I can't just tell him that- Wanda I don't know what to do. You know how Pierce always was when I was growing up.. made damn sure I knew I was going to hell for marrying a man and it wasn't even my choice but now I actually do like this guy and I don't mind marrying him at all.. I don't know what is going to happen to me or to us if he finds out that his little arrangement actually benefitted me and made me happy. Steve is in danger here and I can't put him in that position even though I know we both want it. But at the same time this is hurting him so badly and we both just want the same thing.."  
———  
“Bucky, you realize the past week with him he probably felt so amazing with you. Something might’ve just set him off today, made him feel unloved, and he just wanted a solution to that.” She said softly. “You may not be able to let pierce know you actually like Steve, but guess who you can tell? Steve. Telling Steve and just explaining that pierce can’t know or bad shit will happen will probably help you in the long run.” Wanda said, thinking About the situation. She felt terrible for both boys. They probably both harbored feelings for eachother that they wouldn’t act on for the simplest reason, that pierce was still around. “You are going to go in there and talk to him, understand?” She said once they got to his bedroom door.

Steve was still curled up to Sam’s body crying into his chest. He felt like he couldn’t do anything else, he was letting 18 years of pain just flow out of his body right now.  
———  
"I never wanted to admit that I was gay." he says softly. "I think a part of me has always known it but I never admitted it. I'm still..scared to. Even just to Steve." he mumbles and pauses outside the door with her, nervous about showing his face in front of the blond again. He didn't know what to expect when he entered the room but Steve curled up in bed crying into Sam's chest certainly wasn't on the list. He glances back and sees Wanda disappearing down the hall and he sighs, coming quietly back into the room. He clears his throat softly to get their attention and he stands awkwardly in the doorway, hands in his pockets and stance tense but almost submissive looking. "Thanks for taking care of him Sam.. I....I need to talk to Steve though." he hoped his voice didn't sound as wreaked to them as it did to himself. He had done his best to pull himself back together after his episode but he still wasn't standing on completely solid ground with himself.


	14. My husbands gay!

Steve glanced up at the broken looking man, and sniffles, wiping his tears off of his face. “What do you want, Bucky?” He asked quietly once sam left the room. He felt completely emotionally drained, he didn’t want to have this conversation with Bucky right now. The conversation where he’d tell Bucky he couldn’t be in a loveless marriage, where he’d always be laughed at by others. “I can’t do this shit Bucky. This past week with you has been phenomenal, but knowing I can never have your love, And a real marriage with you... I can’t do that...”  
———  
Bucky swallows heavily, his heart thudding wildly in his ears as he makes his way over to the bed where he takes a tense seat on the edge of it. "What if you didn't have to?" he asks quietly, his voice nearly inaudible as he looks down where his hands were clenched on his lap, unable to let his eyes meet Steve's. He felt like he honestly could faint at any moment and was glad he was sitting down. How embarassing would that be? Confessing he was in fact gay and then passing out? Sounds like the wost day of his life. "Steve I.. I might have lied a little. Or a lot. Well- no." he glances up when he heard Steve's sharp intake of breath. "Nothing bad. Er.. well. it is but.. agh I'm fucking this up, aren't I? Ok. I didn't lie as much as I just hid the truth, I guess. But anyway.. so I might be.. uhmmm...less than 100% straight? 50-50? Maybe more like 80-20?"  
———  
Steve watched Bucky, a calculating look on his face. “Bucky... I’m about to be your husband, you can share anything and everything with me.” Steve said quietly and looked away at the floor. He hated that Bucky felt as though he had to hide that from him. Did that mean he didn’t trust Steve? Was Steve a good husband for him?   
Steve ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends slightly.   
“You need to know that Bucky, you need to know that I’m here for you. Now I don’t expect you to love Me right away, or even with guarantee, but I thought I was marrying a straight man. I couldn’t handle that emotionally, Bucky. I’m not saying you’re at fault, because coming out with a father like yours, that’s fucking scary, but I’m just saying you can tell ME that stuff.” Steve said and wiggled his way to buckys lap  
———  
Bucky listened to his words and nods, so unbelievably grateful that Steve wasn't mad at him. A major part of himself had believed that the blond would have been angry and lasehd out at him for hiding and lying to him, again part of his upbringing expectations. He could feel Steve inching closer to him and without even looking up he grabs him and pulls him into his lap, burying his face against his shoulder and letting out a shaky breath. "I do like you Steve. A lot more than I ever should. If Pierce ever found out that we had fallen for each other or that we were more than just fuck buddies with a more elaborate title I don't know what he would do but I cannot imagine it would be good. There's been a lot of people that have just disappeared and never been seen again and I can't handle letting you be one of those. I don't know what I am doing but I do know that I will do anything I have to to make sure that no harm comes to you ever again, understand?"  
———  
Steve buried his face in buckys neck and nuzzled in. He listened closely to everything Bucky said, with a frown etched onto his face. “Bucky, I haven’t known you long, but I know that I would be with you even if it meant possible death at pierces hands. I would do anything for you. You haven’t had a good life, neither have I, and we both need each other. You are my rock, and I’ll be yours. Please just start trusting me with these things, I trust you, and I need you to feel the same about me.” He Said softly and wrapped his arms loosely around buckys body. He wanted love and affection, but he had no clue how to get Bucky to give him that, other than nuzzling into the other man’s body and holding him as tight as he could.  
———  
The brunet felt his heart kick into high gear for an entirely different reason when he listened to Steve's speech. "I do trust you, Stevie. So. Hi. I'm Bucky Barnes and I am really gay for my soon to be husband." he chuckles lightheartedly and holds Steve to his chest without a care in the world otherwise. There were going to be problems with this as there was with everything in his life but it was a risk he was willing to take for the once in a lifetime opportunity to be truly happy and to let Steve share that happiness with him. He holds Steve as close as he could without posing any risk of further harm to his ribs, being very careful with him even as he nuzzled the boy and breathed in deep subtle lungfuls of his scent.  
———  
Steve chuckled and smiled against buckys neck, and without thinking, he kissed it lightly before burying his face back in. “Hi Bucky Barnes, I’m Steven Rogers, and I like my men how I like my women.” Steve told him with another laugh. “we are going to fulfill your father’s wishes to just be... platonic, and when you get the throne, we can be ourselves. I don’t mind that, as long as we’re together in private.” Steve told him softly and rubbed buckys back. “I am yours, and you are mine.”  
———  
A small little shiver went through his body when he felt Steve kiss his neck but it definitely was not for a bad reason. He laughs and rubs his fingers gently into the indents of Steve's hips, rubbing the tension knots he could feel there. "My public attitude towards you doesn't reflect how I feel about you at all, okay? Just promise me you will always know that." it would kill him if Steve ever thought that he cared less than he really did because of how he had to act to keep the hounds off their backs. "And as soon as I become king and Pierce steps down from a position he can hurt us in, I will gladly start treating you how you deserve, okay Steve? I promise you that. We've always been each others. Now it just means a little bit more." he laughs softly.  
———  
Steve sighed happily as Bucky rubbed his hips, and he almost pushed into the movement.   
“I know Bucky. Sometimes it may get to me, and I may need extra reassurance you do actually enjoy having me around, but I do know we have to hide... us, when in public. I know I can’t act how I normally do when in public. We’ll work this all out, I know we will.” Steve told Bucky in determination.  
He knew they could work though it, no matter how long it would be until pierce stepped down from the throne. Steve Would make sure they got through it, he would fight tooth and nail for the relationship they’ve developed.  
———  
"I will be happy to provide the extra assurnace whenever you need it." he smiles and gives him a soft squeeze on the hips before trailing his hands up Steve's back and over his narrow shoulers, one hand resting on the back of Steve's neck and the other tangling gently in his hair. "And when it's just you and I- I don't want a single thing to be different, okay? I want you to be yourself one hundred percent. I want you to give me as hard of a time as you have all this week. I love how you treat me- not like I'm some fucking entitled prince but like I'm your equal and you aren't afraid to banter with me. Everyone else is either afraid of me because they think I am my father or they are just afraid of my father and won't give me a chance. Granted you didn't have a choice but you got to know me and damnit Steve you're one of the few that do and I can never thank you enough for letting me get to be myself too."  
———  
“I might need that extra assurance every single night... you sure you’re up for that?” Steve questioned in uncertainty. He hated how insecure he got, and he felt like it was a burden on others.  
“Well, I don’t think I could ever not give you a hard time. You’re a whiny baby sometimes, and I need attention when you aren’t giving me any. I’m like a child, Bucky, so you have to deal with raising your husband. Ok?” Steve chuckled, and pushed back into buckys hands, loving the feeling of them on his body. “Please don’t let me go.” Steve mumbled into buckys neck, just wanting buckys hands to stay where they were, on his body. He didn’t know how he had lived so long without this sort of contact, it really did help on bad days, even helped make a good day better, exactly as Bucky had told him their second day together. “Please just keep touching me.” Steve had said in an even quieter voice.  
———  
Bucky smiles and gives the back of his neck a gentle squeeze. "I'm sure I'll be fine. As long as you actually come to me about the stuff that's bothering you and don't try to hide. You're a pretty open book and I will know if something is wrong." he chuckles and starts to gently scratch Steve's head with his blunt fingernails.   
He gave a slight pause when he was verbally attacked only because he was so unused to it in a playful manner but soon he was laughing about it and nodding. "You're not wrong. About any of it. I can be just as much of a baby as you sometimes." he shakes his head fondly. "But I can deal with you being my baby." god he hoped that came out as smooth as he meant it to. He heard the softly muttered plea and his heart gives a little twinge of pain, making him wish that he'd known Steve for years so he could have given the boy all the love and hugs he needed. He guessed he would just have to make up for all that lost time now. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."  
———  
“I’ll come to you about all of my problems as long as you come to me about yours, deal?” Steve told him, he knew at some point both of them would probably try to hide a few things from each other, it was inevitable. But they’d talk to each other for the most part.   
Steve noticed Bucky pause and it worried him for a moment, he thought he may have offended him. Steve heard Bucky start laughing though, and he let out a breath of relief. “Good, because you kind of have to deal with me being your baby, there’s absolutely no avoiding it.” Steve chuckled.  
“Good, I don’t want you to go anywhere, not now. Not ever.” Steve said, then paused for a moment, pulling away from buckys neck, and he looked Bucky in the eyes. He brought his hands to buckys face and stroked his cheek lightly. He couldn’t describe how much in that moment he wanted to kiss Bucky. Sadly Steve just didn’t know how to initiate that kind of thing... so he sat there, watching Bucky closely, with his hands on buckys cheeks.  
———  
Bucky felt Steve's warm hands cup his face and he smiles softly, closing his eyes for a moment and just enjoying the comfort and security of having Steve this close, touching him like this. He could feel the boys thumb rubbing gentle circles across his jawbone and he opens his eyes a bit, noticing how close Steve face was to his own. It would be so easy to just lean forward and kiss him. He didn't know if Steve wanted that though. He wasn't sure where their boundaries now lied with the new development of their relationship. He never wanted to make Steve feel pressured for anything and he was almost to afraid to ask but he just had to know what those lips tasted like, felt like. "Stevie I- can I kiss you?" he asks softly, face turning bright red as he looks down fearfully.  
———  
Steve watched Bucky closely, notching the gentle lines next to buckys eyes, the one crooked front tooth he had, the few freckles dotted across his face, the way his full lips parted just slightly when he was content.   
Steve could sense buckys hesitance, and he licked his lower lip and nodded. “Please.” Was All he muttered, he could feel anxiety bubble up in his stomach, but he did want buckys lips on his own. He was nervous because this is the first time he’d be kissing anyone, that’s something To be nervous about, or at least he thought so…  
———  
Bucky was also nervous and he wasn't doing anything to hide that fact like he usually did. He takes a small breath and moves his own hands around so one was cupping his cheek and the other rested lightly on the side of his neck. He could feel Steve's pulse fluttering rapidly against his fingertips and he smiles a bit, looking into the others blue eyes as he takes Steve's one hand in his own and squeezes it before laying the blond's hand against where his own pulse was thundering out of control in his throat. "I'm nervous too, okay?" he says softly, comforting Steve. He could see it in the others eyes that he was nevous about this and wanted him to know he wasn't alone here at all. Not only would this be Bucky's first kiss but after this there would be no going back. No denying that he was gay or that he had done gay things. Kissing Steve was- in a lot of ways- signing off on the rest of his future. He closes his eyes again and leans in slowly, tilting his head to the side a little and presses forward until he felt the smooth and soft surface of Steve's lips under his own.  
———  
Steve leaned into buckys hand, and he stared into the bright blue of buckys eyes, noticing the specks of green and grey in them.   
Steve let out a breath and a smile spread across his face. He couldn’t believe that Bucky would be nervous, he was so perfect, and could have any person he wanted... but it made sense, Bucky didn’t announce he was gay, or almost gay, Until moments ago. He’d probably be nervous because he was worried this would seal his fate. Steve didn’t want to pressure Bucky in any way, but Steve could tell he wanted this too, by the look in his eyes, the soft way he held onto Steve. In this moment, he felt more love than he had ever felt in his life.   
Steve melted into the kiss and tangled his fingers in buckys hair, the smile still present on his face.  
———  
About a million different thoughts fire through Bucky's head as he felt Steve's lips against his. Most of them panic- the rest elated. Bucky kept his lips pressed against Steve's awkwardly for a moment before moving a little, very uncertain about what he actually was supposed to do since neither of them had any experience. Far as first kisses go he was pretty sure this was not the worst one ever but it certainly was a little bit of an awkward adjustment period at first. After the initial shock began to wear off he got a little braver, hand tightening pressing a little harder where it was braced on the side of Steve's neck and his lips moving more confidently now, taking control of the kiss. He wasn't sure if he hated or loved how good it felt.  
———  
Steve giggled and kissed Bucky back, happiness floating to the surface. He had never felt so good than this moment. He felt like everything in his life would work out, everything would be ok.   
He pulled away after what felt like an eternity, and just stared at Bucky, a smile on his face.   
“You feel any different? A little more gay?” Steve joked to break the silence. He didn’t know what else to say. “oh god, bad joke.” Steve mumbled and laughed, resting his head on buckys shoulder. “I think you Just might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The worst thing in my life, ended up being the absolute best.”  
———  
Bucky seemed a little taken aback by the sudden joke but a grin spreads across his face and he laughs. "Hm yes I think I can offically confirm that I am definitely gay." he hums softly, turning his head to nuzzle at the side of Steve's head, arms dropping to wind around his waist and hold him close. "I would have to agree, sweetheart." he chuckles softly. "Of all the shit that's happened and bad situations I've been put in this one has definitely worked out the best and left me far happier than any other." their journey was nowhere near over- Bucky knew there would still be mountains they had to climb together and many obstacles they would have to face but at least now they would be doing it side by side, knowing that whatever happened they would have each others back and they could be each others soft place to land when things got rough. More than anything that was really what Bucky needed and he was thrilled to find it in Steve.  
———  
Steve cheered over enthusiastically, but quietly s to not alert the guards. “Yay, my husbands gay!” He said with a laugh. He really was relieved that his husband at least liked men, it made his life so much easier. “It really has worked out for us, we thought our lives were going to be ruined because of each other, but now we’re both the happiest we’ve ever been.” He said happily, and pushed Bucky back so he was laying on the bed, and he laid down on top of him. “By the way, this does not change The fact I don’t want to have sex.” Steve told him, just to make it all clear, in case Bucky thought he had changed his mind about that.  
———  
Bucky laughs at Steve's cheering, shaking his head fondly. "Here here to that!" he honestly didn't know the last time he's ever felt so free and laid back. Maybe he never had. He'd always been pushing things down about himself, hiding them from everyone else and from his own mind so to avoid more pain and punishment that would be brought on be him being himself. Being gay has always bothered him but now that he was with Steve he found it really didn't matter. Steve and their combined happiness mattered more than fear.  
———  
Steve cuddled up against Bucky and slipped his hands under buckys shirt, and closed his eyes. “One day we’ll have another wedding, one that’ll mean more than just politics. Promise me that we will?” Steve said hopefully and glanced up at Bucky. He knew they needed this wedding to happen right now, but one day he did want one that meant so much more to the both of them.  
———  
Bucky felt Steve's always chilly fingers against his belly and he smiles softly. He was pretty sure half the reason Steve loved to cuddle him so much was purely because the kid always seemed to be cold and Bucky was a pretty good source to leach heat off of. His face shifts into a soft and loving expression. "Of course Steve. As soon as Pierce steps down and I take care of some shit I will give you a real wedding. Just the two of us and our friends. It'll be good. Romantic."  
———  
Steve smiled at that and shivered against Bucky, grabbing a thick fur throw to pull over the two of them. “My god, James, you need to warm this room up, it’s like we live in a castle of ice.” Steve complained and rolled his eyes. Back at his home, he was always pretty chilly as well, but he swore, hydra kept the rooms at 10 degrees!   
“We can have it as just us, your friends... and yeah that’s about it. Either way, it’ll be romantic, because at least that wedding will truly mean something.” Steve Said happily, but knowing that would be far off. It didn’t bother him too much that it would be a while away, just as long as it happened.  
———  
Bucky laughs and shakes his head, pulling Steve closer with a smile. "Now why would I do that? I heat this room up and you stop coming to me for warm up cuddles." Buck wasn't actually sure why the castle always seemed to be so cold- it wasn't like they couldn't afford to splurge a bit on the heating bill. Maybe the literal demon inside Alex just liked the cold.   
"It will. I promise it will. This wedding is tying our bodies together and we have no choice in it but I'd like to date you while We're stuck here and eventually we can have a real wedding that will tie our souls together." He chuckles softly and brushes a hand through Steve's hair. He knew this wedding was going to be a waking nightmare for both of them and it was not the kind of wedding Steve deserved at all. So Bucky would make sure that the blond gets a real wedding if it's the last thing he does.  
———  
“I’ll still go to you, for cuddles, I promise!” Steve laughed and practically crawled his cold body into buckys shirt.  
Steve listened to Bucky, and his heart melted in happiness. Bucky had to be the sweetest person he had ever met. He was right, this wedding was to tie their body to each other, but the one they’d have one day, that one is going to be so much more meaningful. Bucky and Steve would actually get to know each other, and they’d fall for each other, then they’d get married for real. In the past day, steve had been thinking a bit, thinking about his duties as a husband. He knew one was meant to be sex, but he had no real idea of anything else that was expected of him. He was only taught he had to be the perfect docile wife for Bucky. “Bucky, once we get married, what are my... duties? What am I meant to do?”  
———  
"Geez ya little cuddle bug." he laughs when Steve tried to fit his lanky body inside his shirt with him. It was adorable though so he really couldn't complain. He loved all these silly little mannerisms Steve so commonly did. He'd never before met someone that had tried to literally worm himself into his shirt like this but it was the cutest thing he's ever seen and he expected nothing less from the blond honestly.   
He looks down and makes a face at Steve's question. "To be honest I'm not positive I actually know what purpose Pierce would have had in mind for you besides a bargaining chip for the kingdom merger and as a sex toy for me. I'd imagine you're supposed to come along with me to all the meetings and events I have to attend and be my arm candy..you said you parents never taught you any politics but I can tutor you in some things if you want to play a more involved role though I'm probably not the best person to go to for that since I'm known for snoozing through lectures myself. If Natasha ever pulls the stick out of her ass about you maybe we can convince her to teach you some self defence and fighting techniques. Since Winter likes you perhaps I can employ you to take care of him when I can't since he always gets neglected when I get too busy.."  
———  
“I’m only a cuddle bug if you’re my cocoon.” Steve mumbled and rested his head on buckys chest. He had wiggled his way under buckys shirt just enough to fit like that... however the shirt did kind of ride up because of that.   
“Probably meant to be a sex toy to everyone in the kingdom as well.” Steve said bitterly. From what he’s heard about pierce, it wouldn’t be a long shot, honestly.   
“I don’t know much about politics at all, I just know there’s people who rule that dictate everything that Happens. I wouldn’t be opposed to learning, but it’s not something I’m really interested in... I would love to learn self defense, but I’m meant to be your docile little wife, not meant to be fighting.” Steve said with a sigh, but perked back up when Bucky mentioned taking care of winter for him. “I’d love to help out with winter! I’ve never really taken care of a horse before, but someone could show me, I’m sure!”  
———  
Bucky blushes because wow..that very well may have been the cutest thing he's ever heard anyone say. He just chuckles and adjusts his hold around Steve so the boy could remain comfortably on top of him while still being held tightly by the prince.   
He tensed up a bit at the mention of anyone else touching Steve and he immediately shook his head. "No. No one else will ever touch you. I would kill someone before they get to lay a hand on you." there was nothing but firm confidence and conviction in Bucky's voice and there was no denying that he meant every word of that. He would protect Steve with his own life on the line and he would do it without a second thought. He nods and shrugs. Even if Natasha wouldn't do it he would teach Steve how to fight himself if it made the boy happy. He didn't care what anyone else wanted of Steve. It was his life and he deserved to know how to defend it.   
"I'm sure Winter will appreaciate it. Our current head stable boy Pietro can only get close enough to him to put food in his trough and water in his bucket without getting kicked. Beyond that it's a lost cause. Whenever you want to start I will show you how to care for him and I'll introduce you to Pietro so he knows who to thank for taking the devil horse off his hands." he laughs.  
———  
Steve sighed, and nodded. He knew Bucky would protect him as though his life depended on it, but they wouldn’t always be together. There’d always be an opening for someone who wanted him. Steve absolutely hated the fact that he even had to be fearful of that happening. He was already at risk just for being gay, and then the added target on his back for being from shield didn’t help any. “That’s another reason I won’t leave the room.” Steve admitted quietly after awhile. “I’m scared someone’s Going to grab me, beat me, or even rape me. I have such a target on my back because of who I am, it’s tough, it’s really tough... it takes a toll on me mentally, constantly being scared.” He mumbled and nuzzled further in under buckys shirt.  
Steve didn’t even bother responding to anything else Bucky had said, his mind was now so laser focused on everything bad that could possibly happen to him. And there was definitely a lot that could happen.  
———  
Bucky was happy that Steve was opening up to him about this, relieved the boy seemed to finally trust him enough to share his feelings with him but at the same time he was angry--furious that Steve had to worry about things like this, and it was made much worse by the fact that Bucky couldn't console him and promise that nothing like that was ever going to happen. He would do anything he could to prevent it and to protect Steve from everything he could but he realistically couldn't be at the blonds side 24/7 nor would Steve want him there after long enough. He just wished he could make it all go away. "I'm sorry I tried to make you." he says softly, rubbing Steve's back gently. "I understand why you don't want to. I doubt anyone would be dumb enough to even look at you with me around but if they did they would quickly become an example why it is not reccomended to do that."  
———  
Steve shrugged and rubbed at his teary eyes. “I don’t want to leave without you, or be alone, I know that’s impossible though. But what if someone realized I’m usually alone in the room? They might just come here... I’m scared bucky...” he said in a broken voice. He thought once he got married off, his only worry would be his husband, but clearly that’s false.   
Steve took a deep breath and shook his head. “I’m being stupid, I’m sorry... I have no reason to be scared. No reason...” he said the last part mostly to himself. He just couldn’t help but be scared. He was weak, and skinny, someone could knock him over by simply poking him. He’s such an easy target for people. “I’ve just seen how everyone looks at me, my first day here, I saw the guards and warriors eyeing me up, and talking to one another about what position they’d like to take me in...”  
———  
Bucky's teeth click as he grinds them together, his jaw locking for a moment. "I'll make sure I have Sam or someone else I trust to watch over you when I can't be around myself. I can't control what people talk about amoung themselves but as long as it stays only talk it's going to have to be alright for now." it pissed him off but it wasn't like he could do anything about it. "I will start teaching you self defence as soon as your ribs are just a little better. We willl make sure that no one will dare to mess with you, and not only becuase of their fear of me. I want you to be able to kick just as much ass."  
——-  
“You don’t need to burden others with my issues. I’ll be ok, I’m sure everything will be alright... just... just forget I ever said anything, ok?” He said quietly and bit his lip. “Self defense classes wouldn’t be a good idea. If your father catches wind of it, I’ll get in serious trouble. I am your WIFE, not your husband, I am to be completely dependent on you, and I’m meant to be small and kind. I’d rather both of us not have to deal with his wrath. We’ll just leave everything how it is. I’ll Stay in bed, and you’ll go out, and I’ll only leave for important events. It’ll be ok.”  
———  
"You shouldn't have to live like that." he says firmly, voice barely above a growl. "It won't be formal classes. I will just show you a few basic things to protect yourself for now. It's important to me that I know you'll be okay or else I won't be able to function being away from you." he figures he might as well just go for brutal honesty here. He would not mess around when it came to his husbands wellbeing. He's never cared as deep or suddenly as he did for Steve and he was not about to let anything hurt him or take him away from Bucky.  
———  
“I was born to live like that, Bucky. It’s not a big deal for me. If it matters so much that I’m always protected, I’ll only ever buy books that are heavy and could seriously hurt if I chucked them at someone. Or Perhaps we can just move winter into our room. Oh, I know! I can smack someone with the globe you insist on keeping next to the bed.” Steve grumbled, preferring anything over learning self defense. He feared Alexander’s reaction, should he find out.  
———  
"We can get a dog." he offers in reflection of all Steve's ideas. "A guard dog. Train him to protect you. I'm still going to teach you how to throw a punch though. You need to know. " there was no room for arguement in Bucky's voice. When the prince has firmly made his mind up about something he was hard to throw off that course. He would look into finding a dog later in the week as well. Bucky looks down at Steve and saw the bitchface he was being given and he chuckles, bending his head down to press a soft kiss to the boys forehead. "Stop pouting. I'm only like this because I care about you."  
———  
Steve huffed. “Ok, I get a guard dog, no need for self defense! The dog can eat someone, I’ll be protected!” Steve said, still glaring slightly at Bucky. “I will not stop pouting, you suck and insist on putting me in danger of your father.” He grumbled and crawled out from buckys shirt to sit up on his lap. “I see no reason for me to learn how to throw a punch if we get a dog and I have very heavy books to throw at any intruders! It seems like a waste of time and a potential problem if your father ever found out about it.”   
———  
"Oh, I suck do I?" he raises his eyebrows and looks up at Steve in mild surprise. "If my father ever found out about it and he wanted to take issue with it I will just knock him out myself. Honestly Steve I'm not going to let this jack ass of a man put you in any more danger than he already has and I sure as hell am not about to just let him prevent you from keeping yourself safe. It's not happening. You're my husband, not his and it's my decision what I let you do. Not his."  
———  
“Yes, you suck.” Steve agreed with a nod and a grin. “You always sucked and you always will.” Steve teased and laid back down on buckys chest.   
“Do as you wish, if we get in trouble it’s all your fault, understand?” Steve questioned and buried his face in buckys neck.   
“Can you kiss me again, Bucky?” He questioned hesitantly. He liked feeling so close to Bucky, and he felt that the two of them kissing- sharing something so intimate, brought them closer. He couldn’t imagine ever hating Bucky the Way he had before, he felt so stupid for hating him, he really did.  
———  
"Well I'm hurt, Steve. Ya cut me deep." he laughs and then looks at him with a lewd smirk. "And techincally I haven't sucked anything yet so you have no grounds to be making false accusations here." he laughs and pulls the boy closer to him, cuddling him to his chest like Steve was his teddy bear. "I will gladly take the fault for you, always." he mumbles seriously, feeling slightly shy about how real the feelings towards Steve were. He was a little surpised by the question but he just smiles. "You know you don't have to ever ask, right? Anytime you want a kiss just take it. I will never mind."  
———  
Steve glared up at Bucky once again. “I have seen you eat a banana, I am in no way making a false accusation! You literally suck on those things like they are a real cock! I have no clue why you do such things, it’s like you’re practicing!” Steve exclaimed with raised eyebrows. Steve then blushed when Bucky said he could take kisses whenever he wanted, he didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t expect to be allowed to just kiss Bucky anytime he wished, that was something he had been taught Was up to the male in the relationship. “I uh... you’re supposed to... You’re the male in the relationship, I’m not meant to...” he trailed off awkwardly and looked away.  
———  
"Really Steve you think that would have been a clue enough that I'm not straight at all." He laughs with a carefree grin on his lips. He couldn't deny it. He absolutely did try to deep throat bananas and practice sucking techniques. He was more or less curious what it was like to lie with another man and any opportunity to goof around and maybe hopefully tease Steve a little was a welcome one.   
"Doesn't matter. Girls can be dominant in relationships. You think Natasha would ever be passive and Wait for a guy to make the first move? If she wants something she goes for it. You can be the same way if you want. I encourage you to take advantage of whatever you desire. I will help and support you, especially if it involves me and our relationship. You already know I love cuddles and hugs and apparently I really like kissing too so you're more than welcome to do any of that any time you want."  
———  
Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You did that on purpose! Was your intention to make me hard so you could practice on the real thing? If so, you failed miserably, you were so slobbery and sloppy!” Steve told him with a huff. It seemed to be just like his husband to do something of the sort. It did not surprise him in the least.   
Steve thought about it with purses lips. Natasha may be dominant in any relationships she would have, but Steve was raised differently than her. “You may like those Things, but I don’t wish to pressure or force you. I mean, I’d force cuddles, but kissing, I don’t know...” to be honest, kissing Bucky made him nervous, he enjoyed it, but but it made him feel... he felt almost unworthy of such a gesture. Initiating that would in his mother’s eyes, be saying he was the dominant in the relationship, which was strictly prohibited. He sighed and threw caution to the wind, and practically threw himself at Bucky, and kissed him deeply.  
———  
"Now I am even more offended!" He squeaks and crosses his arms, refusing to hug Steve anymore for the moment. "Take it back. My dick sucking technique is on point." Probably wasn't. Likely never would be. But it was funny to pretend to be upset about it because Steve was too fun to pick on sometimes.   
"Steve I promise. I like it. I mean I wouldn't recommend throwing yourself in my lap and sticking your tongue down my throat in the middle of a meeting or anything but when it's us? Here and safe? If you feel the urge to lay one on me please do so. I'll probably do the same if you're okay with it, but if you ever don't want me to kiss you then you have to tell me, okay? Don't let me do anything to you that you don't want at any point in time." He insists and was more than a little surprised when his train of thought was stopped and completely derailed by Steve throwing himself at him and connecting those lips with almost bruising force. His arms go around the smaller body immediately and He returns the kiss with just as much eager passion, fingers tangling gently in silky blond hair as he lets Steve guide the kiss however he wanted it to go.  
———  
Steve ran his fingers through buckys hair, completely ignoring everything Bucky had been saying the past few moments.   
He lightly nibbled at buckys lower lip and then swiped across it with his tongue. Bucky mentioned feminine people being able to be dominant sometimes, so he figured why not give it a shot. No one could walk into their room without explicit permission, so it wasn’t as though they could be caught.  
Steve tugged lightly at buckys hair and then moved his hands down buckys body, Resting them on buckys lower hips. He pulled back slightly to look Bucky in his eyes. “If you don’t like how I touch you, pull away and tell me.” He murmured before diving back into the kiss.  
———  
Bucky had never seen this side of Steve before but he certainly couldn't say he didn't enjoy it. Steve was confident and commanding in his movements and Bucky was happy to submit to him like this. He moved his lips easily against the others and parts them slightly when he felt Steve paying particular attention to his lower lip, relaxing entirely in the others arms. Steve's hand in his hair felt nice but the warm trail of hands sliding down his body was even better. He didn't know what Steve was Going to do and he loved it. After always having to be in control of himself and everything else around him to keep hell from breaking loose it felt so nice to just relinquish a little bit of that control to Steve. He looks up into lighter blue eyes and smiles crookedly. "I love it." He assures him before moving in to meet him halfway with the next round of kisses.  
———  
Steve couldn’t describe how much he enjoyed being the dominant person for once in his life, he has always submitted, been told he couldn’t be dominant.   
Steve squeezed buckys hips lightly and ran his hands upwards, pulling buckys shirt up. Steve pulled away for just a second so he could get the shirt off.   
Steve ran his hands over buckys abs and pecs, enjoying the feel of them beneath his hands. Steve wouldn’t go any further than this, but this was enough for him, kissing Bucky and touching his upper body.  
———  
The brunet felt Steve's hands catch the bottom of his shirt and he thought it was an accident until he felt the other continue to push up on it until the fabric was bunched up around his pecs. He reaches down and grabs the bottom of it himself, pulling it up over his head in one fluid motion and letting it drop to the floor beside the bed carelessly. This wasn't the first time Steve had seen him shirtless but it definitely was the first time while the boy was sitting on his lap and touching him Like this. Steve's hands were warm and soft against his scar covered skin, putting gentleness where there had always just been violence. His heart was pounding erratically in his chest and he couldn't suppress the little shiver that came when Steve's hand brushes over his pec.  
———  
Steve grinned into the kiss and pulled away to admire Bucky. He looked so perfect with a dazed look on his face, and plump red lips.   
Steve gazed to the scarred arms and chest with a sad look, but that quickly changed back once he realized he would be there to help Bucky through his problems now. Steve sighed contently and laid back down on Bucky, curling into his chest. “Thank you for letting me do that... act like that... I’ve never been allowed to act how most men do, domineering. Taking Control of the situation, yknow. I’ve always been a little girl- there’s nothing wrong with being female, but just... the way I was made to act was like the females from the 1800s, all meek and silent.” Steve mumbled and kissed buckys bare chest lightly.  
———  
Bucky actively listened to him and nods a bit, hands coming up to rest on Steve's back and hold him to his chest. He frowns a bit but nods. "Honestly Steve im not gonna lie- that was pretty damn hot and I will gladly let you dominate the hell out of me whenever you want. Honestly if you ever wanted to.. ahem ah yep there goes my nerves. Ignore that. Sorry." His face turns beat red and he tilts his head down to bury it against Steve's shoulder in hopes that the blond would not push that any Further. The beginnings of his last sentence had been a rampant train of thought that was brought on by the heat of the moment and he needed to throw that train off the side of the mountain since he was nearly positive Steve would never be down for that.  
———  
Steve chuckled and smirked. “I don’t mind it, it’s just.. so different, yknow. I wouldn’t mind doing anything you ask, just as long as it’s on my time, ok?” Steve said lightly and ran his fingers through buckys hair, holding Bucky to his shoulder. “As long as everything’s on my terms and yours... I don’t want to move too fast, this is kind of fast for me, this kissing and stuff. I like it and all, it’s just kind of fast. It’s all so new that it feels like it’s moving at lightning speed.”  
———  
Bucky was almost certain that he was imagining Steve saying this rather than actually hearing it but after subtly pinching the back of his hand and nothing changing he gives a relieved little sigh and smiles. "From here on Stevie, everything is on our terms far as our relationship goes. You and I will figure it out as we go but I really think we can make this work as slow or fast as we want it. I'm frankly just grateful that I actually like you and that by some miracle you like me too. The rest We can take as long to figure out as we want. I just.. I want you to set the pace. Don't worry about me here. I'm fine to move at whatever rate you feel comfortable with. You've had a lot more fear instilled in you about this than I have. You have more training to push aside and desensitize yourself to. I fully understand and I do not ever want to push you into anything you're not ready for and completely on board with."  
———  
Steve listened to Bucky and nodded. He was more than grateful that Bucky was more than willing to move at his pace, from what he understood, most males pressured people into sex and relationships.   
“Thank you, Bucky. I know we can make this work, you’re so kind and patient with me. That alone makes me believe that we can do this together.” Steve told him softly, and thought about all he had been through, all the thoughts that had been forced into his head. “I’ve had so many People tell me so many things, and most of all, I was told I would get used by you. I just need to get it into my mind that I’m safe with you. It might take awhile, because it was conditioned into me for so long, but I know eventually we can be intimate with each other.  
———  
Bucky's jaw clenched a little- he hated the idea that Shields people thought of him like that and then forced that fear onto Steve- but he made himself relax after a few moments and he sighs. "And even if you never decide you're ready it is fine." He says softly and lays a soft and lingering kiss against Steve's forehead, trying to convey it with all he had that Steve was safe and he would take care of him. "You never need to push yourself for me. I want those days of being scared of James Barnes to be over for you. I just pray I never give you a reason to hate me again." Bucky didn't know if his heart could take being hated by another person that was supposed to mean something to him.  
———  
Steve smiled and cuddled further into buckys chest. “So, it’ll be ok if I’m not ready for 10 years? Or 20?” Steve asked, just as a verification.   
Bucky had been so patient and caring with him, it shocked Steve. He was more than grateful for how Bucky treated him, he could’ve been stuck with some abusive jerk, but he got Bucky. Steve sighed happily, a small smile playing on his face. It was crazy how his whole world and perception changed just over the course of a week. He went from knowing Bucky Barnes to be an asshole and abusive, to learning who he really was. A kind, funny, great man. “I don’t think I could ever hate you, you’re too perfect for me to hate.” Steve said honestly  
———  
Bucky smiles and nods, giving Steve's waist a gentle squeeze. "As long as you need. As long as you're capable of making up a story about 'our first time' and sticking with it if we are ever asked about it. Perhaps we should discuss that at some point because I already know that it is bound to be asked." He sighs out heavily. "They will want the most graphic and terrible answer we can give but.. fuck I don't even know if I can fake imagine doing anything to you that I know you don't want.." his Voice took on a strange quality, edgy and upset but trying to not show it. Bucky always seemed to get real cagey when he spoke about the people of his kingdom and his relationship to them. Especially those within the castle and Pierces staff.  
————  
Steve could hear Bucky slowly caging himself off, and he sighed. He reached up to start brushing his fingers soothingly through buckys hair. “On our wedding night you carried me back to out room, and you kissed me all over until I was completely relaxed, you had me prep myself while you watched, and then it started out slow and loving, but you couldn’t control yourself anymore and ravished me.” Steve said nonchalantly, not taking much time to think of a story, just saying whatever came to him. “Sometimes the royal family position themselves outside the room while the marriage is consummated, just to make sure it happens. I have a feeling your father is one of those people, so we’ll just have to spend about an hour moaning and groaning to please him.”  
————  
Bucky listens to Steve come up with his story and he smiles, nodding a little. "Sounds about right. But I'd take care of you myself if you wanted me to." He agrees with a little him. It had made his heart skip a little that Steve had made sure that he didn't make things sound rough or bad, even their fake story had a nice sound to it. It made Bucky happy that Steve apparently no longer was thinking that things had to be rough and painful between them. He absolutely would make their first time Be something special and sweet. "If he even tries I know how to shoot through a door and hit a target based on sound alone. I won't hesitate." He huffs. The idea of Pierce listening to him and Steve 'having sex' just made his skin crawl.  
———  
“I’d like you to but for the story’s purpose, that wouldn’t seem right. So we’ll just stick to that.” Steve told him and tried to think how their first time would go. He feared it would be painful, horrible. That was one of the many reasons he didn’t want to be sexually active. He feared he would get hurt, and he would regret everything that’s happened. Steve bit his lip nervously and furrowed his brows in thought. “Bucky... have you ever... I know you haven’t had sex, or at least that’s what You said, If you’ve ever done /anything/ like that I was wondering if it hurts?” He asked quietly, nervously.  
———  
Bucky's face turned a nearly inhuman shade of red and he coughs quietly before clearing his throat. "Ahem. I.. well.. so. If I told you that I have.. fingered myself... you're not judging me here, right?" He looks at Steve with a nearly panicked expression. He wouldn't lie to Steve. He'd been curious. After finding that he was to marry a man he'd been eager to find out what it would be like to have sex with a man. So he'd done about the only logical thing a teen could and started figuring out What he liked to have done to him. Turned out- he was a pretty big fan of it. Honestly. How had he ever tried to convince himself he was straight?? "It doesn't hurt. Well. I mean I guess it can but not if you're slow and gentle and careful. You have to.. like.. listen to your body. If something feels like it's too much you gotta take a minute and let yourself adjust. But if you take your time and use lots of lube, no. It shouldn't hurt."  
———  
“I’d never judge you.” Steve said quickly when he saw the panicked face.   
He listened to everything Bucky said closely, taking mental notes, and he nodded. “But That was only with fingers? The uh... the real thing, or a silicone version of it would hurt? It’s different than fingers... I was taught all of it would be like torture, but you seem to disagree.” Steve mumbled with a thoughtful frown on his face. He didn’t know what to really believe. He was sure that the fingering could be alright, but he was sure an actual... penis, would hurt. At this moment he wished more than anything that Bucky had more experience than him, he wanted to know how this stuff felt. “You’re sure you’ve never had sex with anyone?” Steve questioned with a squint  
———  
He gives a vague shrug. "Maybe? I dunno. I wish I could tell you that I knew." He sighs. He looks at Steve and laughs a bit. "Unless I really had a bad black out day that I can't remember, no. I have not had sex with anyone. I know how it works and I get the general idea of what feels good for myself but beyond that I really can't help you much. I've had up to three fingers in myself before but never an actual dick or even a dildo. Wasn't like I could have any way to explain to a maid why I Had a fake dick laying around so I never bothered to risk it with getting one. Now I sort of wish I had so I could give you a better frame of reference."  
———  
Steve nodded and frowned. He hated not knowing, that was something he feared- not knowing things. He sat up straight, a small frown still on his face, and his eyebrows furrowed. “Just have sex with me. I don’t care that I’m not ready, I want to know what it feels like. I don’t want to be scared anymore.” He said in determination and crossed his arms over his chest, the frown turning into more of a pout.   
“Maybe if it just happens now I won’t be scared. I won’t worry about it all the time, i wont think about it all the time.”   
———-  
For some reason the whole thing honestly just made Bucky's heart break. "Stevie.. no." He says softly. "No I'm not going to do that. I know where you're coming from. I get it, I really do. But I am not going to touch you or do anything else to you purely because you want to get it out of the way. I want our relationship to mean more, okay? This is important to me." He takes the blonds pale hand in his own and squeezes softly, laying a gentle kiss to the backs of his knuckles. "I need our first Time to be when you fully trust me and want it only because you want me. Want to be with me. Nothing else clouding your judgement or pressuring you into action. I'll kiss you all you want and if you want to fool around a little bit maybe we can do that but I am not going to fuck you, okay?"  
———  
Steve frowned in confusion and looked away in embarrassment. He pulled away from Bucky and laid down next to him, instead of on him. “Yeah, Ok, that’s fine.” He mumbled quietly and pulled the blanket up around him tightly. He was completely embarrassed and ashamed of what he had asked, he felt absolutely stupid. He had probably offended Bucky, and he hated that more than anything. “Can we just sleep then?” He asked in a monotone voice. All of his emotions made him want to just lay down and sleep. He knew it was unlikely he’d fall asleep, but he didn’t wish to put himself through more embarrassment.  
————  
Bucky sighs as he watches Steve lay down and close himself off from him. He knew he'd probably said the wrong thing and he had no idea how to make any of it better. No one had ever prepared Bucky for having emotions towards another person or how to deal with that situation. He just slowly and gently tucks himself up behind Steve, curling around the boys lanky body to act as a steady and solid warmth behind him, allowing Steve to know he wasn't alone and he was safe so long as Bucky was there. "'M sorry Steve. I wish I knew how to treat you better. You deserve it." He says quietly and hides his face between the blonds shoulder blades.  
———  
Steve sighed. “You did the best thing you could’ve. I’m just... im not upset with you. I’m upset with myself.” Steve told him and clenched his jaw, feeling his eyes well up with tears. He felt like a complete basket case. “I’m sorry.” Steve said eventually. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He mumbled and tried to distance himself slightly from Bucky, not because anything the male had done, but because Steve felt disgusted with himself, and felt terrible for not taking Bucky into Consideration when he all but demanded they had sex.  
———  
Bucky felt a stab of pain in his chest when Steve pulled away from him but since the brunet didn't know what was going on inside his head he just let him go, his arms coming to wrap around himself instead. The room felt ten degrees colder and he didn't want to get himself under a blanket now and invade Steve's space further. He lets out a shaky breath and rolls onto his other side so his back was to Steve, letting his eye stare blankly at the wall in front of him like it could tell him what to Do. How to fix the mess he felt he made.  
———  
“I always worried about you forcing me to have sex with you, and it’s scaring me because you haven’t yet. But then here I am- demanding you have sex with me.” Steve said quietly, and scoffed. He truely was an idiot, he knew that for a fact. “Looks like we’ve done a complete 180.” He mumbled somewhat bitterly. He felt such hatred for himself at the moment. What if he had kept insisting? Bucky would’ve given in eventually, then Steve would’ve become his own worst nightmare.  
———  
Bucky's ears prick up when Steve started talking again and the frown returns full force. "Steve. It's okay." He still didn't dare try to touch him. "You didn't do anything. It's alright. You're scared and I'm confused. Between the two of us it's a wonder we can even function, okay? But you know what? We're gonna figure it out. We will find a way to make this work and to get over all the shit that's been done to us in the past. What happened here wasn't good but when you are weak I can be strong And I think you can do the same for me. I trust you with that."  
———  
Steve clenched his jaw and started scratching roughly at his hand. “If I would’ve insisted more, you would’ve agreed, and I know it, it’s how you are. I’m scared, but that doesn’t give me a right-!” Steve took a deep breath to calm himself down and shook his head. “I’m shocked we’re not dead yet, honestly. We really can’t function.” He says eventually. He felt like he caused nothing but problems for Bucky, he pretty much knew he did. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Bucky...”  
———  
"No. Steve I wouldn't have given in. Not on this. After all the time we've spent talking about it I know that no matter what you say right now you're not ready to do this and I'm not going to take advantage of your fear and uncertainty to get the opportunity to get in you. I've gone twenty years without sex, another few is not going to kill me but knowing that I did something with you that you didn't want? That just might." He was very firm in his stance on this. "There is no amount of pleasure I could gain from sex that would be worth loosing your respect and trust. So we make the decision to do it together when we're both uncompromised and fully ready."  
———  
Steve listened closely and sniffled. He rolled over and moved closer to Bucky. “We really need a babysitter.” Steve mumbled. “We’re like some toddlers that have no clue about anything.” He added and shoved his cold hands against buckys warm chest once again. He believed Bucky wouldn’t do anything to him before the both of them were ready.   
“Maybe I do need to get out more, clearly there’s something wrong with me, I need to get out.” He chuckled and shook his head with a sigh  
———  
Bucky laughs and smiles when he felt Steve's hands back on him. "I think Nat and Sam are supposed to be my babysitters. They're just really bad at their job." He chuckles and rolls over so he was facing Steve again. He looks at the teary eyed blond and sighs sadly, leaning in to kiss his forehead, then the bridge of his nose and finally his soft lips. He only lingered there for a second before pulling the smaller man to his chest and holding him. "Tomorrow. I'm too exhausted to try and go out Now. But I think we should go do a little walking tomorrow. I'll take you to the stable to meet Pietro and the rest of the horses. Maybe we can go for a little walk downtown and we can get something to eat." He wasn't a massive fan of eating in general because he did not trust what could be hidden in the food but there were a few small places that had earned his favor.  
————  
Steve smiled a bit. “They’re very bad at their jobs. They should really pay more attention to what you’re doing.” He agreed and slid his eyes shut when Bucky started kissing his face. Steve smiled and buried his face in buckys chest, and breathed in deeply.   
“Yeah, the stables and food sounds good. Maybe you can show me some of the shops here as well, um sure you guys have some better than the ones in shield.” Steve said hopefully. He had heard lots about the different kind of shops that hydra Had, the book stores, the clothing stores, anything you could imagine.  
————  
Bucky laughs and nods happily. He knew he was a hell of a handful for his friends to deal with but he also knew they all loved him either way so he saw no need to go changing. He watched as Steve melted in his arms again and he made a mental note of the fact that kissing the boy seemed to be a good way to calm him down and reassure him when he was anxious.   
He nods and rubs carefully down Steve's side, minding his still sore ribs. "Some places are pretty nice." he admits. He was particaularly impartial to loving the book store hidden off the main road in town where the people were always at least somewhat friendly and they served very good coffee and teas.  
———  
“Maybe I should replace them? I’m sure I’d watch you better than them. They do a terrible job.” Steve hummed and rubbed his hands along buckys stomach. “I can’t wait to see some of the cooler stuff. The shops with crystals and books... maybe we can find a coffee shop of something as well. I love trying new coffees and teas.”  
———  
Bucky laughs and nods. "I think maybe they would appreciate that. And I would as well. You're my husband so you might as well take up the torch of watching out for my dumbass." He smiles and closes his eyes, liking how Steve was rubbing his belly. "I think I know a place you will like. Wanda showed me it a few years ago and it's one of the few places I go to pretty regularly." He says and lets his eyes slip closed for a moment to just enjoy the moment being with Steve.  
————  
“You’d kill me, I’d be done for. You’re such a pain in the butt.” Steve told him and laughed. He could imagine it, Bucky would be such a pain in the ass, he knew it. He’s constantly doing dumb stuff, and acting like an idiot.   
“I can’t wait for you to show me stuff, it’s just.... nerve wracking to actually go outside.” Steve shrugged a bit and kissed buckys chest. “I hope no one tries to bother us... I just want a nice day.”  
———  
"I'm not sure if I should be concerned or offended or not so I'll just go with or not and keep smiling." He laughs and shakes his head a little. "Steve you really don't know what you're in for. We will never need kids and you won't want them after keeping an eye on me." He laughs and nuzzles Steve's head blindly. "I'll keep my sword on my side and a gun in my waistband if it makes you feel any safer. We also can ride Winter instead of walking since that horse is not afraid to kick someone in the Face if he feels that I am uncomfortable with them or something they're doing. Plus usually when I'm around town on his back it's for business purposes so no one will feel inclined to mess with us."  
———-  
“I may not want kids after putting up with you, but we need at least 1 heir, preferably 2, Incase something happens to the first.” Steve reminded. “That is Unless you actually do give the throne to Natasha or Sam like we had talked about.” Steve quickly added, as to not freak Bucky out completely. He knew talk of children was... scary, but unless he gave the throne up, it was necessary to have children. “They’d have to be biologically yours, I have no legitimate ties to this kingdom, they would Try to get my child off of the throne.” Steve mumbled. “Yeah yeah, winter and swords, that’s fine with me.” He said quietly, now focused on the children conversation  
————  
"It's a lot to think about right now." He says almost dismissively, his eyes remaining closed. Bucky had never really distinctly wanted kids himself, first not wanting to have the responsibility of dealing with it, then not knowing what his future spouse would be like and not wanting to have children with a nightmare. There there was the whole gay thing.. Now that Steve was in the picture and he felt more comfortable and confident than he had in years maybe he could put more honest thought into The whole idea. Steve would be a good mother figure he could already tell but he worried about how he would handle it himself. His only example to go off of was Pierce and he never wanted to subject another human being to the horror that was that mans parenting style. Plus there was the whole royal blood line issue and him not wanting to force another young kid to conform to being royalty.. he needed more time on this deal.  
———  
“It’s something important, Bucky. By the laws of my people, we have one year to produce an heir or this marriage is seen as a sham. Our first can be produced by me, because it’s my kingdoms laws, but we still need to think about it.” Steve said in worry.   
They didn’t have as much time as Bucky made it seem, but then again, maybe pierce didn’t tell him about the one year rule. If pierce didn’t tell him, that would mean a very high chance the relationship would no longer be, and Steve was sure Alex didn’t want this marriage to happen.   
Steve sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “We have exactly one year from the date we get married, for a child to be in the womb.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry about the wait for the chapter. I’m getting them out as fast as I can!


	15. Talking

Bucky's eyebrows draw together in confusion and tension runs through his veins, leaving him feeling cold and confused. "Says who?" He asks slowly, as if he was waiting for Steve to start laughing and announce that it was all just a joke. But the blond wasn't laughing and Bucky was quickly becoming more frustrated with everything he hadn't been told. "You've got to be kidding me, right? The fucking morons betroth me to a man and give me zero choice in the matter and then they expect a child out Of it? Honestly what is wrong with Pierce? Does he really think that I'm fickle enough to marry someone and then cheat on them just to produce a child for him? Is that is goal?" He brings his hand up and tugs at his hair in frustration. "Son of a fucking bitch cocksucker." He growls furiously.  
———  
Steve watched bucky and breathed slightly faster. Perhaps it would’ve been better to not tell Bucky. “It’s not alex. It’s the cabinet in my kingdom, that’s how they believe.” Steve said quietly and pulled back slightly. “We don’t... If you don’t want 2 children you can just father this one... but we don’t.. if you don’t wish to go through with it, that’s fine, we don’t need a child. I can go back to my kingdom yknow. A year should be enough for the kingdoms to be at peace.” Steve said nervously And looked away. He was scared Bucky was mad at him, so he tried to keep himself away from the man slightly.  
———  
"What and then I loose you?" He looks at Steve and nearly made an animalistic growling sound. "No. Fuck that, Steve. Sorry but that is not happening. How am I supposed to hold you hostage with my cuddles if you live clear in another kingdom?" Not to mention that they both knew damn well that Steve would be killed if he went back home for failing his requirements. "No. No way. But I'm not sleeping with some girl and I'm not wild about letting you do so either. The actual part about having a kid Doesn't matter much either way to me. I mean I've got plenty of hang ups about it for sure but nothing as bad as I just want to stay loyal to you. Even that artificial insemination crap still rubs off wrong on me."  
———  
“Bucky, I know you enjoy being a cuddle monster, but you don’t want this child thing to happen. You can write to me. It’s ok.” Steve said quietly and looked away. Steve knew that was a lie though, he wouldn’t Be alive long enough to even receive the first letter. The laws of that nature were the same in every kingdom, if a prince fails to do his duties of marriage, they are to be killed as a sign to everyone else.   
“Just, put it in a cup, then have the doctor insert it into the girl. It’s not you cheating on me, it’s just one of our many duties that we have. Cheating would be you doing it without my knowledge and explicit permission.”  
———  
Bucky takes a soft breath and nods. "Two kids huh? What are you hopin? One boy one girl? Two of one?" It was as close to acceptance as Bucky was going to get. He was not thrilled but the thought of loosing Steve was too much for him to bear so if keeping his husband meant raising some kids he could take that hit. He knew he could do this with Steve by his side. Maybe it wouldn't even be too bad. Having something that would be shared between the two of them so intimately didn't sound like such a Terrible thing. Maybe Bucky would even grow to like kids after having some of his own though at the moment the thought seemed a little ridiculous and far fetched. He's never been a big fan of children but there was that part of him that was protective over them and their innocence though no one was ever really innocent in Hydra. Everyone just about grows up the same.  
———-  
“I don’t care what we have, I’d just want them happy and healthy. That’s all I care about.” Steve told him and moved slightly closer again, noting that he wasn’t as angry anymore. “It’s s full year away anyways, we don’t need to worry about it quite yet, we can worry about the insemination in... 9-10 months.” Steve told him. 9-10 months was a good period, they wouldn’t have to be trying for a child now, but in a few months. Steve hated that he was putting Bucky through all this, it must be terrible for him, knowing he has to have a kid or risk losing his husband. “no one has ever broken that law in my kingdom, but we could try... testify that we aren’t ready for children, being so young, and maybe strike a deal then when i turn 25 we must start trying for a child?”  
———  
Bucky gives him a thoughtful look and nods a little. "Yeah. I mean really Steve you're only 18 and I'm only 20. And I don't know if either of us really outgrew being children ourselves. I know I'm not ready to be a dad but if the other option is to let you go I will do it and just hope I don't fuck the kids up too bad." He sighs and shakes his head, squeezing Steve close and whining softly. "I know it's kind of a weird idea but.. I have a sister.. for you it's as close to knocking me up as you Can get. We'd have to talk to her about it but maybe she would be willing to carry your child so at least one of them will have both our genetics.." he says thoughtfully. He didn't know how Becca would feel about that idea but he somehow didn't figure she would be too upset by the idea.  
———  
Steve sighed and held himself close to Bucky, and kissed his chest. “A sister? I didn’t know about her...” Steve said quietly, surprised by the new information. He supposed that would be the best they could do, and it wouldn’t be too horrible. “If she’s ok with it, I don’t object to the idea. As I said, we have a year to get someone pregnant. And we don’t even need two children, this one having both our genes would satisfy both kingdoms, the child could rule here or shield, and shield has no reason to not accept the child as theirs.” Steve told him, hoping it would bring some relief.  
———  
Bucky nods and sighs a bit. "Yeah. We're not exactly on the best of terms but i guess we get by alright. We don't see much of each other honestly but I hope she'd be willing to help me with this. I've covered her ass enough times from Pierce finding out she's been doing stupid stuff that I think she owes me a little." He chuckles and rubs his fingers through Steve's silky soft hair. "We'll start with that. Ask her after a couple of months and see where it goes." As much as Bucky was terrified of It, the image of a cute little boy with Steve's blond hair and his own cobalt blue eyes wouldn't get out of his head. 'Shit I'm in deep.' He thinks with a nervous gulp.  
———  
Steve nodded and took a deep breath. He didn’t like the idea of a child so early on, but the thought of a child that looked like the both of them... that was an absolutely precious thought.  
“Well, since that’s worked out...” Steve sighed happily and glanced up at Bucky. “Bucky... I was thinkin’, while we’re out tomorrow... can we maybe stop at a store that might sell uh... sex stuff...” Steve asked awkwardly and blushed bright red. He was so embarrassed to ask such a question, but he wanted to stop at one of those stores. It might help him be more open to the idea of sex, or at least he hoped it would help him.  
———  
Bucky was relaxed and warm under Steve's body but the moment he heard the suggestion leave the blonds mouth his face went bright red and he sputters for breath as he chokes on a sharply inhaled breath. He coughs for a few seconds before pulling himself together and blinking rapidly at Steve. "Ah um yeah sure we can.. yeah. We can do that. Do I get to ask why we want to go to a sex shop all of a sudden?" He says in a strained voice. Steve seemed to be just about the only person who can actually Genuinely surprise Bucky with the things he says and does.  
———  
Steve blushed even deeper at buckys reaction and he looked away. He was pretty ashamed that he even asked to do such a thing. “I just... I thought if I got to uh... get something, yknow, uh, that I might be more comfortable with the uh, the idea of sex...” Steve mumbled and crossed his arms over his chest in a form of self defense. “I mean we don’t have to, it’s ok, was just a thought yknow. It’s inappropriate don’t worry about it. It would be wrong of me to do.” Steve mumbled and bit his lip.  
———  
Bucky mulled it around in his head a while before nodding and shrugging. "Alright. Sounds fair to me. Maybe I'll finally invest in something myself since I've always thought about it but never really had the balls enough to do it." He smiles and pokes at Steve. "You don't have to be so embarrassed about this stuff with me, okay Steve? You know I'm not bothered by anything you want." He chuckles and twists a longer strand of hair around his finger, carefully tying it around his finger before Pulling it loose and watching the hair fall back into place seamlessly. "You're so pretty Steve. My god." He whispers softly, unable to believe how lucky he really got with the boy and unable to keep his feelings to himself with how overwhelming it was.  
———  
Steve smiled in relief and and leaned back down against Bucky. “I just want to get something to prepare myself for what is to come, get used to all of this stuff, yknow.” Steve shrugged and thought about it some more. He had never even touched himself, so this was a huge step for him, actually wanting to be intimate in some sort of way. “I’ve never actually... yknow. Uh, touched myself, it’s just something I was taught not to do. I was taught my body is yours, maybe if I learn that I have Control of my body, it’ll be easier for me to be with you.” Steve told him shyly.   
Steve looked down and smiled slightly. “thank you.” He said quietly, And reached out to brush buckys hair from his face  
———  
Bucky's smile evened out into a softer expression. "I get it Steve. I really do. Though if you want some advice, don't go from zero to one hundred so quick. We can buy some stuff for you tomorrow but have some time with your left hand before even thinking about attempting anything else. Start slow. Figure out what feels good for you and what you like bit by bit and then when the time comes that you feel comfortable enough to drag me into this, you can tell me exactly what you like and what will Make you feel good so I can do it to make everything as perfect as possible for you." Steve's wellbeing truly was Bucky's number one concern and he would do anything he could to make this easier on him.  
———  
Steve blushed as Bucky gave him advice, clearly Bucky had much more experience in... masterbation than Steve did. “I’ll start slow... but just, how am I even supposed to get myself hard?” He asked quietly, embarrassed by the question. “It’s only ever happened in the morning for me, I don’t understand how other guys get hard just whenever?” Steve mumbled and thought about it, did they think about other people to get themselves hard? Did it just kind of happen? Steve felt like he was a complete idiot having to ask these questions, but they were important.  
————  
Bucky was going to make a face but he somehow managed to stop himself and maintain a carefully blank slate. "Depends I guess. If just touching turns you on then you can easily get yourself worked up just by.. doing that.. or you can imagine stuff to help it along. I usually do that honestly. Picture a celebrity or the most attractive person you can think of giving you a blowjob or whatever will get you hot and then have fun with it. Whatever you do with your hand try to imagine the other persons Hand or mouth instead. Or hell of that really doesn't work I can hook you up with some decent porn sights and you can learn some stuff there."  
———  
Steve felt as though he was blushing even brighter, as if that was even possible. He was so embarrassed at the topic that he brought his knees to his chest and tried to hide his face in them. “I don’t even...” Steve cut himself off and just stuck with nodding. Steve had no clue about what even turned him on. He supposed thinking of someone else might help him, but he didn’t know. Perhaps when he bathed later he’d try, or whenever Bucky left the room for an extended period of time. He wasn’t sure he was pretty nervous, but he’d figure it out eventually, he could do this. Or he at least hoped he could.  
———  
"If horny 12 year olds can figure out what to do in sure you can too Stevie. I have faith in you." He chuckles and ruffles the boys hair kindly, laying back and staring up at the ceiling mindlessly. The idea crossed his mind about offering to help Steve in a more.. intimate way.. but he didn't want him to feel like he was so eager to jump the gun and he certainly wasn't going to make him feel pressured to agree so in the end he kept his mouth shut and just kept rubbing Steve's back carefully.  
————  
“Why don’t you help me?” Steve blurted out, not even thinking about what he had said. When he realized he covered his mouth with his hands and his eyes widened. “Oh god Nope I’m sorry I don’t bother thinking before speaking!” Steve rushed out, muffled by his hands. He couldn’t believe he had just asked Bucky to help him jerk off. He was such an idiot. He was weird, and he was an idiot.  
———  
It was maybe beyond a little creepy the way Steve seemed to be able to read Bucky's mind sometimes. He blushes and looks at him with a wide eyed expression, nearly unable to believe the innocent little blond had actually just suggested it. He understood why Steve had immediately retracted the offer but still. "Hey. Don't worry about your nonexistant filter around me, okay? I want you to feel comfortable enough to say whatever you need to. And if you really want my help I will. Or you could..erm .. you could just..watch me...if you don't want me to touch you I mean. What I do might not feel 100% great to you but at least you can get the general idea and then work from there about what you like." he offers, face a dark red color.  
————  
Steve was hiding his face behind his hands, hoping maybe a random strike of lightening would take him, at this point. He couldn’t believe he had suggested Bucky... help him. Bucky didn’t seem to mind though, which was the odd thing. “If you really want to help, you aren’t just saying it to please me- you can just decide how we do it? I don’t know, I don’t know how any of this works. I don’t think either of us would be comfortable with just... watching, yknow.” Steve mumbled the last part, hoping Bucky understands where he’s coming from about that. He would be kinda uncomfortable just watching, and he’s sure Bucky would feel the same about being watched.  
———  
Bucky gives a little laugh and he smiles. "Honestly Steve I'm pretty sure that for the first couple run arounds, sex of any sort is just awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. We'll get over it eventually but we're gonna have to deal with it until then." He chuckles likes softly and brushes a flyaway strand of his own hair back behind his ear. "I just don't want to do anything you're not ready for, and I think that putting my hands on you like that is going to mean something more than a Friendly lesson to both of us and you know it just as well as I do." He says in a soft and kind voice. "I'm not ready to have sex with you as you are not ready to do it with me. We have to find some middle ground here where we can both feel comfortable I guess."  
————  
Steve nodded, knowing bucky was absolutely correct, sex of any kind in the beginning would be awkward, probably clumsy too. He thought about it for a bit, trying to come up with what would be most comfortable for them. “Can I... Can I touch you? Or would you rather me just sit back and watch?” Steve asked meekly and glanced down at buckys crotch for a split second, before looking back up at Bucky, curiously. Maybe if Bucky let him figure out how to make him feel good, steve could work the rest out for himself in his spare time.  
———  
Bucky couldn't help but smile and shake his head a little in amusement, cupping Steve's cheek in his hand as he leans up to kiss the bridge of his nose and his forehead softly. He adored this boy. "Stevie baby that is kind of the opposite of what we're going for here. The point is to get you completely comfortable with yourself before you try pulling me into it." The glance to his crotch hadn't gone unnoticed but he made no comment about it, allowing Steve to look at whatever he wanted.  
————  
Steve groaned in frustration but leaned closer to Bucky. “But I don’t know how to get comfortable with myself because I don’t know how to do it. Maybe if I touch you but you don’t touch me, I’ll get comfortable being around someone like that. I’d be the one in control.” Steve explained, sort of hoping Bucky would agree. “You can obviously say no, though. Just making that clear.”  
————  
Bucky mulls it over in is head, weighing the pros and cons of it. "I see where you're coming from. And it sounds like a good idea. But I'll feel like kind of a dick if you're getting me off and I can't help you at all." He frowns. "I don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of you or that I won't reciprocate pleasure as you deserve." It wasn't a no.. just Bucky reiterating his same old tired fears again. Sometimes Bucky almost wished he wasn't as kind and sweet natured as he really was. It'd be a hell of a lot easier to just whip his dick out and tell Steve to jerk him off if he wasn't so worried about the younger boys mental health and feelings.  
————  
Steve nodded with a sigh, then laid back down on top of Bucky. He really did wish he and Bucky could just do it, but he understood where Bucky was coming from. He was sure he would’ve felt like a dick if he had Bucky pleasure him, but didn’t do the same. “I’m sure one day eventually we’ll figure something out. It might be years from now, but we’ll get it.” He shrugged and buried his face in buckys neck, kissing it and lightly dragging his teeth along a small part of it. “I’m sorry for being such A hassle, I’m sure you’d wished you could have someone who’s able to just have sex with you. I know if I was more like other guys, I’d be dying to have sex if I was still a Virgin at 20.”  
————  
"We've got all the time in the world Steve. There's no reason so be so worried about it now. Sex has never really been a huge priority for me so it's not like I'm about to jusr keel over and cease existing because I can't get my dick wet. I don't care how much of a hassle you are- I would always rather have you over anyone else. You're my one and only husband and I intend to keep it that way." he says firmly and holds him close, tipping his head back a little to give Steve access to his throat when he felt the boy kissing and nibbling against the pale skin. It was a very submissive and trusting gesture to leave his throat wide open to anyone like that, silenly showing that he trusted Steve very much.  
———-  
Steve smiled as Bucky spoke, so happy that the man was so kind and caring, he knew Bucky would wait forever if he had to. “Thank you, Bucky. You don’t even know how much that means to me, I came here expecting someone who had others constantly, but here you are... so perfect and kind. You’re my one and only husband. I’m with you until every star falls from the sky, and earth ceases to exist. Im with you until the end of the line.” Steve told him honestly. He sat back up slightly, to look into Buckys eyes, lightly tracing the man’s throat with his fingers. “I promise you’re stuck with me, you can’t get rid of me at this point. I’ve known you what- a week? But you have exceeded every single expectation I had. You make me feel safe, something I never had before, I feel so cared for. You blow me away with everything you do. I feel like I see a new side to you every day. I’m sure we’ll have our fights, but that’s ok, because in the end, we’ll always forgive each other.” Steve had no clue Where his little speech came from, but he couldn’t help himself, he needed to tell Bucky exactly how he felt. He truly believed everything he had just said, to be true.  
————  
Bucky sits statue still while listening to Steve speak, head tilted just a tiny bit so he could look up into the other mans soft blue eyes, absorbing every word said to him. A tiny shinver runs through his body when Steve's fingers were at his neck and his rapid pulse flutters against his fingers. He never knew he would ever be able to feel so comfortsble and happy with anyone ever. It just seemed too good to be true yet here they were. Steve was a solid and steady weight on his lap and in his arms, undeniably real. "I'm really not that perfect, Steve. But the idea of being with you till the end of the line? That's something I can definitely agree to. I'm glad you feel safe and that you know I care about you, since I've pretty much already all but cut my heart out of my chest and given it to you. We haven't been together long but it's long enough for me to know that I want you, now and always. Weather we're living in heaven or hell as long as we've got each other we're going to get through it all." his fingers card gently through Steve's hair and he didn't dare break his gaze away from the others.  
————-  
Steves eyes slid shut when bucky started playing with his hair, and he let out a sigh. “No you aren’t really perfect, not in most people’s eyes. But you’re a great man, you really are, Bucky.” Steve told him and slowly laid his head back down on buckys shoulder.   
“You’ve got my heart too, I won’t lie. Despite the fact that I really did hate you as a child, even as a teen, you’ve had my heart since I learned I was to marry you.” Steve told him calmly, knowing it was true. The moment he had Realized the fact he was to be married to someone, they had already captured most of his heart.   
“You’ll gave me for as long as you want me, and by how you’re talking, that means you’ll have me forever. I promise. I’m yours and you’re mine. As odd as the circumstances are, I can’t wait to marry you, and I honestly can’t wait to have a little Barnes running around. That’s awhile away though, but I know we’ll have the most amazing little family.” Steve said with a smile. “While I’m mentioning Family... Bucky, I think once our duties to both our kingdoms are fulfilled- the marriage, the child, creating new laws after your father passes the throne to you... I think you really should give the throne to Natasha. She doesn’t like me, but I have faith in her. You can still be her second in command, but I don’t want our child to grow up as we did. I want us to make things better for everyone, then move on, live in the cottage in the forest, it’s perfect for us.” Steve told him seriously, Already planning the far far future.  
————-  
Bucky felt his eyes water a little without his permission and he quickly blinks the forming tears back before they could actually escape. "As long as you think I am, Steve, that's the only thing that matters." he whispers in an honest and soft voice, tilting his head to the side a bit so it rested lightly against Steve's.   
The new information was a bit of a surprise to him- he'd always resented Steve and hated him and that feeling had really only changed after actually getting to know the guy more. He wished he could say the same as Steve but it only served to prove further to him that Steve was a literal angel that Bucky did not deserve. Again the happy mirage of Steve and a child crossed his mind and a smile pulls the corners of his lips up. He could honestly picture his life the way Steve described it being and it filled his heart with longing. He wanted that. Everything. "I think my biggest hang up about having a child besides having no idea how to care for one is the fact that I do not want to let anyone else suffer the same upbringing we've had. But if I left the throne.. our child could have a somewhat nromal life..." his eyes were watering again and this time he was powerless to stop it. He wanted it so bad the tightness in the back of his throat from hope felt like it was going to choke him out. "Please Steve. Don't give up on me, on us. I'll make it happen someday sweetheart. I promise you I will."  
————  
Steve sighed. “That alone would make you a good father. You don’t want this child to suffer or live like us. Most men would never think about leaving the throne behind for something as simple as a normal family, their child, their partner. You already want this non existent child to have an amazing life.” Steve said softly, and could tell Bucky was getting emotional, but didn’t say anything about it.   
“I could never give up on this. I know you’ll do whatever you feel is the best. Even if you do Sit on the throne for 3,5,10 years, I know eventually you’ll give the position up for a good life, for your child.” Steve said. He wouldn’t be bothered if Bucky chose to be king for a few years, as long as in the end, they did get a normal life in their cottage in the woods.  
————  
"I want to at least attempt to undo some of the damage my father has done. I know Natasha feels the same and I would trust her completely to take care of everything then I can focus on being a good husband and a good father." Bucky's voice trembled a little as he spoke. He had always dreamed fo getting out, of living a normal life away from all the royal bullshit. He never once in a million years thought he could actually have a real chance at it though. But then Steve had come along and basically flipped his entire world upside down- shining light in corners of his mind where only darkness has ever lied. with Steve he felt there was a chance for a future, for happiness and a family that he has always secretly wanted but never admited to desiring since he'd always seen it as hopeless. He's never befroe been so grateful for something he originally hated.  
———-  
“I understand, I expect that from you. Our child wouldn’t have any pressure put on them, there wouldn’t be any chance at damage done to them until they’re about 6 or 7. So you have about 8 years until you need to worry about stepping away. I’m positive by this years end, your father will have stepped down. I’ve heard mumblings in the hallway, people talking about your father being ill...” Steve said almost hopefully, and started to lightly rub buckys side.   
Steve never would have guessed his Life would end up here. With him caring so much for the person he once hated.  
———  
Bucky looks at Steve and he barks out a biter laugh. "Right. Like we would ever be so lucky." He sighs wistfully. He wouldn't mind in the slightest if Pierce just laid down and died right then and there. In fact, he would be thrilled. He knew that bastard was going to wring everything out of his reign of terror for as long as he possibly could, leaving more of a mess for Bucky to clean up. If Pierce was sick though... maybe the end really was in sight. As much as Bucky really did not want to be The king, he wanted to knock that man out of power more than anything. He could deal with the rest of it meant Pierce didn't have such extreme power over him anymore and he could ensure Steve's safety far better that way.  
————  
“I don’t know, Bucky. The nurses and servants I’ve heard seem pretty sure. The one had to clean his bloody vomit off of his bed and floor...” Steve mumbled quietly, knowing if someone ‘important’ heard him, he could be executed for treason. Steve would love more than anything for Alex to be gone, and he had a feeling he would be soon... he just had a feeling.   
“We get married in 4 days and I still haven’t been given my vows to you...” Steve mumbled in favor of changing the subject to something That was slightly more comfortable, than the possible death of Alex pierce.  
————  
Bucky's heart skipped a beat and he found himself silently hoping that his death was slow and painful as he deserved. And Bucky was not normally the kind of man to wish such ill will on anyone. He shakes his head a little as his train of thought was suddenly switching tracks. He makes a face and nods. "I haven't either. I just know I'm not going to want to have to say the ones they wrote for me. They're not going to be anything I would ever dream of saying at a real wedding." He sighs. "Someday I'll be able to write real vows for you. Vows that actually mean something besides a court mandated set up."  
————  
Steve nodded sadly and gave him a soft smile. “I’m sure mine are going to be absolutely terrible. I know they’ll be all about me being devoted to you and giving my body to you 100%...” steve sighed and held onto Bucky tighter. “I dream of saying things to you that I actually mean. I’m dreading saying these ones to you. I hate that my wedding vows can’t be real... they can’t be everything you deserve to here.” He mumbled against buckys chest. It was true, he did think of all the things he Actually wanted to say, not all that happy sappy stuff, but the stupid, funny things to. How he hated Bucky so much at first, but now he... he loves him. He wanted to tell their story- their real story.  
————  
"Just gonna have to read between the lines of mine I guess. I'm not really one to stick to the script per say so I'm sure I will find someway to alter my vows and make someone hate me by softening words and adding some sentences of my own. No ones gonna say shit to me about it either or I will give them my 'look' that people seem to shit themselves over." He chuckles and squeezed Steve's hip, rubbing the bone there softly with his thumb. "I will not say anything that degrades you as a human Being. I straight up refuse it. I will probably have to talk about owning you and the benefits our union will have on the kingdoms or whatever. But under it all just remember that I'm thinking 'I'm doing this because I care about you and you're my Stevie'."  
———  
Steve nodded and huffed. He knew how buckys original vows would be. They’d be full of degrading words and phrases. To everyone, he was merely seen as a whore. He may be a prince, but not to anyone in hydra, they saw him as a tight hole, someone they could use, nothing more, nothing less. He knew Bucky cared about him, he really did, but it was still going to be hard for him to listen to the vows thrown together in such a way. It would be hard for him to live in a kingdom which hates him.   
“Funny Either way, vows are going to degrade me. Mine degrade myself, and yours degrade me. You may take it out of yours, but that’s impossible for me, I know I’d be flogged, even with your glare and protection. I’m someone of another kingdom, I can’t disrespect your kingdom, even my own, by altering my vows.”  
————  
Bucky's teeth give an audible click as he grinds them together, his frustration at the situation over ruling his dentists warning that he was going to wreak his teeth by the time he was thirty if he continued like that. A scowl was set firmly on his face and he instinctively pulls Steve closer to him, knotting a hand in his hair and rubbing his back gently with the other one. He was a possessive man over he few things he really cared about and no one could even look at Steve and think of Harming him now without the brunet getting in their faces about it. "No one is going to touch you. As long as I am still breathing there is not one person in this world that would touch you and survive. I would rip everyone in this kingdom apart if they even dared to try."  
———  
Steve nuzzled in against buckys chest and nodded with a sniffle. “I know you would. Your kingdom wouldn’t be the only one wanting to harm me if I mess things up, though. My family would want to as well.” Steve told him with a frown. He hated it, but deep down, he knew his own mother would want him flogged or killed if he messed anything up at all. It pained him to know that fact. Maybe talking about the upcoming wedding wasn’t as good of a topic as he thought.   
“Bucky, am I still allowed to get A dog?” He decided to ask, somewhat sheepishly.  
———  
Bucky could hear the faint sniffling sounds and his heart broke further in his chest. "Oh Stevie. I'm so sorry." He says quietly and presses a series of gentle and loving kisses to his hair.   
He heard the next question and couldn't help but smile a little. "Yes baby we're gonna get you a dog. What kind are you thinking about wanting? I don't want it to be anything too small since it has to be able to protect you as I would but anything medium sized and up is on the table." He says and continues To mindlessly run is fingers through Steve's hair. "Also do you want a puppy or an adult dog?"  
————  
Steve nodded “it’s ok.” He mumbled. “I want a puppy, and I want it to be a husky. They’re really fluffy, when you aren’t around I’ll just cuddle the dog, and it’ll be warm and cuddly.” Steve told him with a grin. He’d always wanted a pet, but he couldn’t get one back at home. He supposed that being in hydra wasn’t the worst place to be, he did get to see and do different things. He got pretty much anything he’d wanted as well. He almost thought that maybe he should be grateful to be in hydra…  
———  
Bucky smiles and nods. "We'll get you a husky then." Honestly Bucky would get him a hundred puppies if it meant Steve was happy and safe. Hell he'd give his own left arm if it meant everything was okay for Steve. Bucky was a steadfast and devout lover and once someone gained his affection he would give and do anything for them. His heart was bigger then his brain sometimes but that was one of the key factors that separated him from his father so he never bothered to view it as a bad thing. If His other option was to be a pure monster he would take being too kind any day. He found himself being entirely too grateful that Steve was sworn off to him and not someone else that wouldn't care for him and give him everything he deserves.  
————  
Steve smiled and reached up to run his fingers through buckys hair, playing with it was one of his favorite things. “Thank you for taking care of me bucky. It means so much to me.” He said quietly and scooted up slightly so he was closer to buckys face, and he kissed his cheek lightly. “As much as I’d like to stay awake and keep talking to you... can we go to sleep? I’m tired Buck.” He mumbled and glanced up at Bucky  
————  
Bucky relaxed as Steve's fingers drug lightly through his hair. He was so unused to the kind and adoring touches that it still shocked him a little bit every time. None of the maids that usually messed with his hair were this gentle, generally just ripping a brush through it and calling it a day when he was younger. He loved how Steve handled him though. He smiles and blushes faintly at the kiss to his cheek and nods immediately. "I'm a little tired too. I think sleep would be a good thing for Both of us and tomorrow we can go about braving the day and getting you some sex toys and a dog." He laughs deeply and squeezes Steve to his chest before settling in to go to sleep.  
———-  
Steve laid back on buckys chest and giggled slightly. “Yes we need to sleep before our hard day tomorrow, shopping, so tough.” He said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes and lightly kissed buckys chest. He was grateful that he was here with Bucky, not with some Pervy old man. His life could have been so much worse had he not been married off to Bucky, but rather, someone else. Steve was nearly positive his life could still get much much worse, but for now, he wouldn’t focus on that.  
————  
Bucky stretches out like a lazy cat and cracks his shoulder joints and his hips with the movement before settling back comfortably and keeping a secure hold on Steve's waist as he found the perfect dip in the mattress that supported his body with the added weight of Steve on top of him before closing he allowed himself to doze off to sleep. Since the blond had begun sleeping next to him his nightmares hadn't been so rampant and he'd been able to fall asleep quicker and stay asleep essentially The whole night most times now whereas before he struggled to even get a ten minute nap in without waking himself up crying. Steve was good for him despite what Natasha believed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 15 chapters!!!   
> I’m honestly so excited to share this fic, it’s becoming my baby. We’ve got such a long way to go with it. (We’ve only just started writing out the wedding!)


	16. Heading out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!  
> I hope your holidays have been going well. I’m sorry it’s taken me 14 days to post, I’ve been very depressed and haven’t been able to even post anything despite there being 20,000+ words available for me to post.   
> I promise this fic is still going, me and Al have so much written and are still writing.   
> Hope you enjoy!

Steve was searching through his closet with a frown on his face, and huffed. He had no clue what was appropriate to wear in the kingdom. It varied from kingdom to kingdom.   
“Bucky, what do I wear?” He asked in a whine and spun around to face Bucky with a pout on his face. “I don’t know how your people tend to dress, modest, sexy, neutral?” He questioned, then started going through his clothes again. He didn’t want to make a bad impression, he didn’t want to ruin the Barnes/Pierce family Reputation by simply wearing the wrong thing for a day out- that would really be his kind of luck.  
————  
Bucky was still curled up into a burrito in bed, the blankets wrapped around him right to his jaw so only his head stuck out. He still wasn't a morning person. "Whatever you want to wear. Usually dark colors are prevalent, jeans, tee shirt, hoodie- it doesn't matter. Long as you don't stroll down the street in your underwear or in some neon yellow shirt or something you'll be fine and no one will pay you any mind." That and he would be subtly eyeing everyone who dared to glance twice at Steve Down with his patented murder stare.   
Eventually Steve's fretting drug him out of bed and he fumbles over to the closet, grabbing a dark red tee shirt that clung to his form and a pair of dark blue, nearly black, skinny jeans. He fits his belt around his waist and lets his sword hang from his hip- the only marker he wore to distinguish himself as royalty.  
————  
Steve sighed and finally pulled on a dark blue long sleeve shirt, and a pair of dark blue jeans. “It’s unfair, you get a cool sword and all I get is... I don’t get anything actually!” He said with a playful glare as he started putting his shoes on. It confused him why Bucky got something to prove his royalty, where as Steve just had to hope for the best. Lord knows he’d be completely screwed if him and Bucky got separated in public. He may be the princes consort, but that meant nothing, people Would have no clue who he was unless he was with Bucky. “I really should get something to show that I am- that I’m going to be, a Barnes.”  
————  
"That's not necessarily true. You've got a loving and devoted husband willing to kick anyone's ass for you and shower you in affection." He laughs as he props his foot up on the edge of the bed to lace up his mid shin height riding boots. He glances sideways at Steve and laughs at the withering look he was being given. "Alright alright I get your point. You should have something so it looks more official that you're mine." He tightens the laces before wandering to the other side of the room, Digging through a miscellaneous drawer in his dresser and pulling out a heavy necklace with his house insignia attached to it. He was technically supposed to wear that at all public outings himself but he's never really bothered and didn't plan to start now. Instead he walks over to Steve and stands behind him, carefully clasping the necklace around his neck and adjusting it so the emblem hung right above Steve's heart. "There. You're a Barnes."  
————  
Steve looked down at the necklace and smiled. “You won’t get in trouble for letting me have it?” He asked just to make sure. He’d hate to get Bucky in trouble, but he really did love wearing the necklace. It proved that he was buckys husband, or well, his soon to be husband, and he was to be respected. He didn’t really want to assert his dominance by wearing it, but he knew it was the only way to keep people from poking and prodding at him.   
He looked down at the necklace once more before Standing up and smiling brightly at Bucky. “I think it’s time to go, now that you’ve finally put your mark on me, and we’re both dressed.” He teased and linked his arm with buckys.  
————  
"No. I never wear it myself despite it being /my/ crest." He laughs and shakes his head a little. Upon closer inspection of the crest, there were easily spottable differences between this and the markings on his sword, which were purely hydras. This crest had more gold and blues in it than the dull black and red of Hydras house mark and the designs were different, a wolf instead of the Hydra monster as the symbol. By giving Steve that alignment necklace he wasn't marking Steve as Hydra's. He Literally was marking Steve as a Barnes. This small act of rebellion would go unnoticed by any person that wasn't aware of the situation, but Bucky took pleasure in having it. Steve was not Hydras. He was his. He smiles down at their linked arms and nods. "Indeed. I'm starting to get hungry and require some caffeine if I am to make it through the day." He gestures grandly towards the door and starts on his way, pulling Steve along with him.  
————  
Steve laughed as he was tugged along by Bucky, and looked at him with a smile on his face. The two of them hadn’t spent much time with each other, but in the short period of time they had, Bucky certainly changed. When Bucky first came to get him from shield, he seemed so reserved and hateful, but now... Bucky was completely full of happiness and love. He did a complete 180 in such a short time. Steve wasn’t naive enough to believe that Bucky was completely different, but he did know he had at Least changed towards Steve. Steve could honestly see himself falling for this man, no doubt about it. It was the small things Bucky did for him that made him feel all warm inside. Bucky giving him the Barnes crest to wear was definitely one of those things. He really should hate it, but he loved being marked as a Barnes, being claimed, branded. It wasn’t just being marked as a Barnes, he was being marked as Buckys.  
————  
Bucky walks out to the stable and smiles when he hears a loud whinnying and the thud of Winters hoof striking his stall door in his excitement to get out. The other horses perked up when Bucky entered as well but none had the overly enthusiastic reaction as the black stallion. The Prince still dutifully stuck his hand over the doors of the other stalls and pet the horses that came up to him but he hurried along to his horse for fear that he'd break the door down again if he didn't. He looks at Steve and smiles as he pulls the reinforced latch on the door free and lets it swing open, jumping out of the way as winter storms out and snorts, rearing up a bit before stalking towards Steve, head down and ears back. He looks the blond up and down before shoving his massive head against the boys chest for petting. Bucky goes to give them a moment together and get the tack for the horse.  
———  
Steve smiled when winter approached him and kissed the top of the horses head, and started petting him. “I didn’t bring you any treats today, sorry buddy...” Steve mumbled to him apologetically.   
When Bucky finished getting winter ready, steve backed away, patting his head once more, when he heard someone approach.   
“So Wanda wasn’t lying when she said apparently your consort was good with winter. I’ve never seen him react so kindly to anyone but you, Bucky.” Pietro said to the prince with a Smile, then looked back to Steve. “Forgive me, I’m the stable hand, pietro.” He said and extended his hand to Steve.  
Steve hesitantly shook pietros hand. “I’m steve...”  
————  
Bucky watched as Winter pressed his head to Steve's chest and cocked his back leg as he relaxed while being tacked up. It was amazing to see. He'd just finished dressing the horse when Pietro came in, winter pulling back and glaring at the silvery haired boy with his ears pinned back tight and murder in his eyes. Bucky smiles and rolls his eyes a little. "He loves Steve. Maybe even more then me." He says with an easy smile.   
When Pietro reached to shake Steve's hand Winter reaches out with his Head, aiming to nip the stable boy on the arm. Bucky gives him a smack on the shoulder and scolds him before apologizing to Pietro. "I don't know when he'll understand that his life would be easier if he just let you near him without being an asshole." He laughs.  
————  
Steve glared slightly at winter, then looked back at Bucky. “You aren’t stern enough in trying to get him to like people.” Steve told him and grabbed pietros hand, much to winter’s dismay, and put pietros hand on winter’s head. “You are a big dummy, just accept people who want to help and love you.” Steve told winter sternly and stared at him with a challenging look, hoping winter didn’t kick all of their asses.   
Steve practically cheered when he saw winter relax against pietro, sure, he was Still staring pietro down like he wanted to eat him, but he was letting pietro pet him!   
Pietro stared at Steve with an almost scared look. “Don’t lull me into a false sense of security! He’ll pretend, then eat me when I try touching him and you aren’t around!”  
————  
Bucky's jaw almost hit the floor when Steve grabbed Pietros hand and placed it on the stallions neck. He had been ready to yell at Steve not to do that for all of their safety but to his relief there was no spazzing or mental breakdown from the horse. He looks at them and then smiles a bit. "Actually Pietro I wanted to talk to you about that. Would you be interested in having some help from my husband around here? You'll have to teach him the ropes but he's a quick learner and you can see he's Great with the horses already." That was something everyone tended to love about Bucky. He gave people choices. Most royalty members would storm in here and demand that Pietro work with Steve but Bucky left the choice entirely up to him in the end.  
————  
Bucky's jaw almost hit the floor when Steve grabbed Pietros hand and placed it on the stallions neck. He had been ready to yell at Steve not to do that for all of their safety but to his relief there was no spazzing or mental breakdown from the horse. He looks at them and then smiles a bit. "Actually Pietro I wanted to talk to you about that. Would you be interested in having some help from my husband around here? You'll have to teach him the ropes but he's a quick learner and you can see he's Great with the horses already." That was something everyone tended to love about Bucky. He gave people choices. Most royalty members would storm in here and demand that Pietro work with Steve but Bucky left the choice entirely up to him in the end.  
————  
Steve saw the look Bucky gave him at first, he looked like he was going to yell, and Steve was admittedly worried. When the yelling never came, he relaxed and smiled slightly.   
Pietro thought about it for a moment and nodded. “He seems really good with the horses, especially winter, I could use his help, I really could.” He told the both of them and rubbed singers head once more before retracting his hand, still fearful that he might get bit.   
Steve smiled brightly, he’d love working with horses All the time, he’d really enjoy it. He loved the thought of being responsible for something, and helping out. He was never allowed to have responsibilities at home, unless they were something that would benefit his future husband.  
————  
Bucky comes up and puts an arm around Steve's shoulders, smiling and pulling the blond against his side happily. "Excellent. I would expect him to be ready to start sometime soon after our wedding, if that's alright with you Steve?" He looks down at him with his blindingly friendly and sweet smile that he reserved only for his friends and loved ones.   
Winter got bored in the meantime and stretches his head out, lipping at Steve's head like he was trying to eat his hair.  
————  
Steve smiled and nodded, but the smile turned into a look of disgust and he tried to push winters face away from his own. “Get off, you oaf!” He complained and moved closer to Bucky. “Since we’ve got this talked about, are you ready to go now? I think winter is getting antsy, and I’d like to go explore.” He said and leaned into Bucky.  
————  
Bucky laughs as he watched the scene unfold. "Well you can't blame him. Your hair is roughly the same color as his food so he probably just figured you were being silly and wearing his snack on your head." Bucky laughs and tucks steve into his side regardless. He turns to Pietro and nods. "We'll be out most of the afternoon I'm figuring. If Pierces ugly face comes sniffing around for me tell him to check himself at the door." He huffs and puts a foot in the stirrup, pulling himself up so he was Straddling the horses back. "Come on Steve. Up ya go." He smiles and lets his foot fall out of the stirrup so Steve could use it to get up.  
———  
Steve stared at Bucky, and gave him a blank look, then got on top of winter with Bucky.  
Pietro chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I’d rather not have your father murder me, so I’ll just tell him I haven’t seen you.” He told them.  
Steve rested his head on buckys shoulder and smiled. “Ok ok, enough talking, we’re going now.” He declared and lightly squeezed buckys thigh.  
————  
Bucky smiles when he feels Steve press up against his back and squeeze his thigh. "Sir yes sir." He salutes him with a smirk before giving Winter a soft kick in the side, clicking his tongue to get him to start moving. They made their way slowly across the courtyard, Bucky pausing every few yards to point out things to Steve for future reference before they made it out of the castle gates and started off towards downtown.  
————-  
As they rode through the kingdom, steve noticed something- everything was dark, there was virtually no color. No flowers, no decorations, nothing bright and beautiful. That made Steve frown.   
“Why is it so dark here? Everything is blacks, Browns, greys, no actual colors... there’s nothing beautiful here.” He mumbled, trying to understand why they’d want to have such a dark and grim kingdom.   
Perhaps after Bucky became king Steve could change that... add bits of color here and there, flowers, beautiful things.  
————  
Bucky turns his head a bit and glances over his shoulder at Steve, frowning and nodding his agreement. "I don't know why We keep it so dark. Probably has something to do with how Pierce has no light in his soul to speak of and his kingdom was made to reflect that but it may have even been like this prior to his rule. I'm not really sure." He sighs and reaches back and lays his hand lightly on Steve's knee, squeezing gently. "Hydra has never been a place of beauty or light. Maybe we can be the ones to change that, hm?" He asks softly, as if he'd read Steve's mind.  
————  
“I want to add a garden, maybe a fountain, more brightly colored trees, things to attract birds.” Steve declared, already picturing what it could look like. “Asgard has such beautiful things there, maybe we could have some of their flowers imported over to here. I’d really love to make this place beautiful, it has so much potential. I want to see people walk outside in bright yellow coats, no care in the world.” He told Bucky with a smile. One day hydra would be beautiful, full of liveliness.  
————-  
A slow and easy smile spreads across Bucky's face as he looks around and tries to picture the world as Steve was describing it. He'd never known beauty and light in that way so he was having a very difficult time imagining anything other than the dreary darkness he's grown up with but he trusted Steve that it would be beautiful and he was sure he would love it. He always liked his Barnes house crest more than the hydra one because of it's pretty coloration and elegant design. "I think that Sounds like a lovely idea, Stevie. That will be our first order of business once we take over, hm? You can get right to work coloring and revitalizing the kingdom."  
————  
Steve smiled and nodded. It’s something he would absolutely love to do. He wanted to make something beautiful out of something so ugly. He knew all that was needed was some flowers, trees, redecoration, and a paint job, and everything would look much more beautiful.   
“I want a place where families can grow, a place children won’t be shown such darkness. I haven’t seen much of the kingdom, but I know it’s not a child friendly place, which is a shame.” Steve said with a frown, he was sure children Felt completely alienated in the dreary kingdom. He knew Bucky had felt that way, there was no doubt other kids felt and feel the same exact way.  
————  
Bucky sighs quietly at the mention of children. "There's not really such a thing as childhood in this kingdom, Steve. From the time you're old enough to walk and hold a wooden sword you are trained for battle. We're nearly almost always in some sort of war with someone and we are always expanding on our army with no focus on much anything else. We have one of the best military's around but personally the cost of that is too high for me to stand thinking about." Bucky himself had been denied any Sort of childhood and he was still biter as hell about it. But when he'd learned that all children in the kingdom really had grown up the same he became even more livid about it. He couldn't deal with honestly. "But I want to change that. I want to unwrap the chains around everyone's throats and let people just live their damn lives."  
————  
“These children are all in school, at 12, they can have the opportunity to take self defense and training class. At 18 they can decide if they’d like to pursue being in our military. We aren’t letting that happen to children anymore. We will teach them the basic self defense Incase of an attack on the kingdom. Other than that, no child will be formally trained unless they choose so later in life.” Steve stated boldly, already having a full plan for when Bucky became king. He wanted children safe Not thinking about such things. He wanted everyone to live their own life.   
“We can’t let this stuff happen anymore, Bucky. I bet if we did a study on the teen suicide rate in this kingdom...” Steve mumbled the last bit and looked down in sadness.  
————  
Bucky had to say he was very deeply impressed by how Steve was already formulating a plan to improve on the quality of living in this kingdom. Not only was Steve the sweetest but he was also crack whip smart to boot.   
"It's pretty high." He nods in agreement at the teen suicide remark, looking down sadly. He'd almost been one of the many himself. "Most of the times it's not even the parents fault. It's just the law. Everyone has to serve military time. I'm pretty sure the only reason that no One has assassinated Pierce yet is because everyone is too scared of what would happen if the attempt failed and they were to get caught." Bucky knew first hand how ruthless and insane the man was and wouldn't put it past him at all to do something completely outrageous and cruel to make everyone suffer.  
————  
“I want the teen suicide rates to drop 50% after you’ve been ruling for 2 years. There’s absolutely no reason these children should be going through all of this. We need to make it clear to everyone that their quality of life will change. You are going to be a kind, courageous ruler who cares for his people. If you ever change that about yourself, I swear I will smack you.” Steve declared boldly. He needed to see change in this kingdom, his future child would be living in it, he would never want that sort of life for them.   
“You will change things. You’ll be the person that this kingdom needs, i know it.” Steve said, softer this time  
—————  
Bucky nods and smiles. He liked when Steve was bossy and laid out clear parameters of what the blond expected from him. Bucky had always been equally as good at taking orders as giving them. A short laugh escapes him when Steve threatened to smack him and he reaches down to his side where Steve's knew was, giving the bony joint a little squeeze. "Sir yes sir. If I ever started acting like a dick head I would want you to far more to me than that. You can smack my head clear across the Atlantic if You want." He promises and lets his hand remain on Steve's knee even as some pedestrians on the street were giving them looks as they passed.  
————  
Steve chuckled and nodded. “That sounds fine to me.” He told him as they stopped at what looked to be a book store.   
Steve got off of winter and leaned into Bucky once the man got off the horse as well. “Is this the bookstore you said you like?” Steve asked as he looked at the shop. It was all brick on the outside, and it was pretty big. The sign up at the top read “Red Skull Book Shop.” The name didn’t sound all the welcoming, but from what he saw through the windows, it was pretty cozy inside  
————  
Bucky had reigned Winter to a stop and was tying the horse to a hitch post outside while Steve eyed the store up. "Sure is." He smiles and slips a baby carrot from his pocket into the horses mouth, stroking his nose while he chewed before coming over and taking Steve's hand gently, tugging him along inside and not even thinking about dropping his hand. He would let Steve lead him around to investigate whatever he wanted.  
————  
When Steve walked in, he smelled the distinct scent of coffee and he hummed in happiness. “Do they sell coffee here?” He asked hopefully and looked around. Coffee was one of his many loves.   
He spotted a little cafe over to the side and he started tugging Bucky over to it. “Can I get a cup for while we look at books?” He asked with a pleading look.  
————  
Bucky was surprised again by the strength Steve displayed by hauling him over to the cafe before his feet were on board with following. He laughs and stumbles after him, nodding and shaking his head easily. "Of course, Steve. That was kind of my plan all along. The Bucky Monster still hasn't been properly soothed this morning and coffee is the only thing that can do it." He assures him as they approach the counter, grinning easily in a way no one has ever seen him do before.  
————  
Steve laughed and ordered himself a large cup of coffee with lots of sugar.   
“Coffee is the only thing that can sooth the Bucky monster? To think I could soothe him.” He said dramatically and leaned on Bucky heavily, and glanced around at all of the books. There was so many all around, from floor to ceiling. It didn’t look as though there was any kind of organization system, books were just shoved on shelves in any way people put them down. It was endearing to Steve.  
————  
Bucky gives a little snort-laugh and rolls his eyes playfully. "Alright you. I suppose you are also an effective antidote for the dark evil that is an uncaffeinated Bucky. Or maybe more like you're the only one that will survive being around him because even in my worst state I am unable to hurt you. Your powers are far greater than the beasts." he says with a laid back and easy voice that resonated how realxed and happy he was with Steve. He orders himself some complicated coffee beverage that had the name caramel in it somewhere and he shrugs off the look Steve gave him. "Just because I love coffee doesn't mean I like the taste of it. I'm a prince. I can order unhealthy sugar dump drinks if I want to. Leave me alone mom."  
————  
Steve rolled his eyes at Bucky and laughed. “You’re such a wuss. Can’t even handle the taste of coffee.” He teased and wandered off once he got his /normal/ coffee.   
He started going through the books as he drank his coffee. He found some books about the history of hydra, and grabbed them to read later on. He wanted to learn more about hydra, who the other rulers were, maybe figure out why the kingdom was so dark. Steve also picked up a few books he thought he would enjoy to read casually.   
He Made his way back to Bucky with his arms full of books, almost unable to see over them. “Bucky can I get these?” He asked sweetly.  
————  
Bucky waited for his coffee and when he turned around Steve was gone. He felt a small spike of fear at that but settled soon enough, just sighing and smiling a little when he saw the blond head waving around between close packed shelves. He takes a seat in a dark corner and pulls out some random book to begin reading himself as he nurses his coffee. He looks up when he heard Steve's soft voice and he nearly chokes on his drink when he could barely see his husband over the mountain of books in his arms. "Get enough books there Stevie?" he asks with a laugh as he sets his coffee down and stands up to help him carry some. He didn't even look through to see what titles the boy was getting. It was Steve's business- not his. "~Whatever you desire shall be yours, my little Prince.~" he purrs sweetly to him in french as he takes half the stack in his arms and walks off towards the check out counter.  
————  
Steve blushed and carried the remaining books to the counter with Bucky. He had only gotten 14 books... he did suppose that was quite a few, but they were educational!   
“Thank you Bucky. I’d buy them myself, but I’m not permitted to have my own money. As the man of the House you’re required to take care of the money.” He said sheepishly he didn’t understand why the men were meant to be the ones taking care of the funds, but he’d accept it. He hated not having his own money, having to ask Bucky To buy everything for him. He felt terrible doing that.   
“I grabbed some books about the history of hydra, I was hoping they might give me insight as to why this kingdom is how it is. Maybe it’ll also give me information on how to fit in better around here.” He shrugged  
————  
Bucky paused and looked down at him, lips curled in a little pout. "Well that's no good, is it? You'll have to deal with it for a little while but once you start working in the stables with Pietro you'll be given a regualr salary same as him. Your status in the castle doesn't matter to me. An empolyee of mine is still an employee of mine weather you're my husband or not. As long as you work your fair share and do what Pietro tells you to there is no reason in the world that you should not be offered a fair salary." he sets the books on the counter and goes back over to grab his coffee while the cashier rang them out. He tilts his head a bit and smiles. "Ah yes well I suppose I should be glad you're doing that.. it'll make it easier for you to help me rule and straighten this mess out if you understand the roots behind it." he says causally. "Don't spend all your time stressing over it though. Read a fairy tale for leasure once and a while. Enjoy yourself."  
————  
“You’ll actually be paying me? We’ll get in trouble Bucky...” Steve said hesitantly. He knew how it would seem if he- the ‘woman’ of the House were to be having a paying job. It would seem as though he was keeping secrets from his husband, trying to be by himself. He knew if anyone found out about it, from either family, they’d both get in serious trouble. He couldn’t stand getting Bucky in that sort of trouble- both of them may be flogged by the kings demand. Kingdoms were very sexist places, Women had their place, men had their place, and children had their place.   
Steve sighed and bit his lip. “Don’t pay me, it’s ok. You buy me things so it balances itself out.”  
————  
Bucky was well aware of the risks at hand but he could see the contempt in Steve's face at not being allowed to handle money himself. Bucky had always found that particular custom to be a bit on the dumb side. "Women fight in our wars. They train for battle and some even end up giving their lives for this kingdom. Frankly I don't give a damn that I'm not supposed to pay them any. I've always paid Natasha under the table for her service in my gaurd, as well as Wanda and the few other women that reside in my walls. You're stupid if you think I will not give my own husband money to purchase things he likes for himself. You're mine- which means that I want you to be as happy as you can possibly be given the situation at hand and you should be able to have anything your heart desires. I will be sure to give it to you."  
————  
Steve flushed bright red, and his heart swelled. “I know I’m your husband, and I know you want to give me everything you possibly can, but Bucky... we could be in such serious trouble were you to do that and get caught. No one would look twice about Natasha and Wanda, but me, that’s different. A wife having some control on funds would be seen as sneaky, like I’m trying to hide something from you.” He said with a sigh.   
“Come on, let’s just head to the other shop then we can head home.” Steve told him and grabbed the bags of books.  
————  
Bucky sighs and rolls his eyes. He sometimes got so fed up with all the rules of this place that he wanted to throw it all overboard and start a revolution now just to get it done and over with since Pierce didn't seem to be dying fast enough for his tastes. "If anyone ever hassles you over it just tell them I gave you the money to run an errand for me." He huffs and pushes the door open, holding it for Steve to walk past him. Winter bucks and whinnies when he sees them coming and Bucky just Shakes his head. "Come on. It's not that long of a walk and exercise is good for us. You can put the books in Winters saddlebags though. No one will get close enough to him to steal from them." He chuckles and loads up the leather bags at the sides of the horses saddle.  
————  
Steve put the bags in the pouches on winter’s saddle, and laced his fingers with buckys, giving them a light squeeze.   
“You know, you’re too good to me, Bucky. I don’t need all of this stuff, but you bought it for me anyways. I don’t need to go to this next shop, but you’re taking me there anyways. You’re better than I could’ve asked for.” Steve said softly and looked and Bucky with a small smile on his face. It was true, Steve really thought Bucky was far too good to him.  
————  
Bucky smiles and looks down at Steve when he heard the praise from the younger boy. He blushes a little and squeezes his hand tightly and leans down a little bit to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "You deserve absolutely nothing less than the very best, Stevie." He smiles. "I'm glad that you're happy with me and you trust me to take care of you. And like I said. This trip is partly selfish too since you're not the only one walking out of there with a fake dick." He laughs and nudges his hip Gently against Steve as he leads him down the street towards the sex shop.  
————  
Steve chuckled and blushed, nodding in agreement. “I suppose you’re right, we both get something out of this. But still, thank you.” He said and took a hold of buckys hand, squeezing it slightly.  
Once they got to the shop, Steve had to look away from the building. He couldn’t believe he was going into a sex shop…  
————  
Bucky on the other hand had no qualms whatsoever about shoving the door open and walking in with a smile on his face. He walked in with his back straight and his head held high in a manner that suggested he was far too comfortable here. "Do you want to look around or just head straight to the dildos?" He asks in a soft voice meant only for Steve's ears and brushes a kiss to the side of his head. He could feel the anxiety radiating off him in waves and would do anything he could to ease that Tension for him-- including grabbing one of those massive fake cocks that you could stick to a flat surface and letting it sit on his head. "Look Stevie! I'm officially a dick head!"  
————  
Steve looked at Bucky, unamused. “I hate you.” He said and took the dildo off of buckys head. Steve started walking through the small isles of things, stopping at stuff he thought looked interesting. So far, he has stopped at the butt plugs, dildos, and panties.   
Steve was intimidated by most of the stuff in the shop, he wanted to look at everything, but he was intimidated. He had never looked at any of this stuff, or thought of it. Steve was just glad that Bucky was with him.  
————  
Bucky didn't stray far from Steve's side at all, looking through everything with his boyfriend and not seeming annoyed by the slow pace. He smiles and occasionally looks at a few things himself. He grabs a couple different lubes and compares them before settling on one and carrying it around. He was completely relaxed and acting no different than as if he were at the grocery store to help offset Steve's anxiety. He looks at a poster of a naked male model and grins, standing in front of it. "Whaddya think Stevie? Kinda looks like me huh?" He juts his hips out to pose like the man in the poster, throwing his head back with his mouth slightly open and yes indeed he did look shockingly like the model like that.  
————  
Steve shook his head at Bucky and rolled his eyes. “I’m not interested in your past porn career mister ‘im a Virgin I swear’.” Steve joked, but almost wondered if Bucky could’ve... no, Bucky didn’t do that kind of stuff, and the guy looked smaller than Bucky anyways.   
Steve brushed that aside and continued looking, but never picked anything up. He chewed on his lower lip nervously and kept his hands deep in his pockets, away from everything. “Im ready to go once you’ve got everything you’d like.” Steve said quietly. He supposed the trip was useless, he knew that he’d be too anxious once he got there. He knew he wouldn’t be able to actually have fun and buy anything. He supposed that he just wanted to prove to Bucky he isn’t scared of sex- which was a complete lie.  
————  
Bucky snorts loudly to show him what exactly he thought of that and grins. "Please. My dick could eat that guys for dinner." It was a bit of a brash thing for him to say but Bucky was trying to just get Steve to unwind a little. If there was a prince comparing his dick size to a poster models maybe he would calm down a little. His eyebrows shoot up in surprise when Steve says that they could go when Bucky was done. "Thought the plan was getting you some toys to practice on?" He says, keeping up With the blunt and forward questions.  
————  
Steve shrugged and scratched at his skin through his pants pockets. The plan was to get him some stuff, but it was all intimidating and he didn’t know if he could do it. He didn’t need to touch himself or play with himself, he was completely fine not doing that.  
“It’s ok, I’m ready to leave whenever you are. I don’t need to get anything.” He mumbled and looked down at his feet. He hoped that Bucky wasn’t disappointed in him, he didn’t want that at all.  
————  
"Steve." Bucky sighs quietly, taking his hand and pulling him to a back corner where no people were around. "Are you okay baby?" he asks softly once they were there, bending his head down a little to keep his voice low so only Steve could hear, not like there were a lot of people in there but Bucky still didn't think it was anyones business besides his and Steve's if the boy wasn't feeling alright. He was genuinely concerned about Steve's wellbeing and that showed in his eyes, his face open and worried. He was getting better at reading his soon to be husband and he knew something wasn't completely right.  
————  
Steve nodded, still looking down to avoid buckys gaze as best as he could. He wasn’t really ok, but he didn’t know if he should tell Bucky that. He though about it for another few moments and sighed.  
“It’s all intimidating. The dildos, butt plugs, handcuffs, outfits... all of it. I thought that I wanted to do this, that I wanted to try a toy out first. I don’t want that anymore. Please don’t be upset... I just want the first time I’m touched like that to be with you, my husband. I don’t want anything inside me that isn’t going to be you. I thought I could try this, but I can’t. I can’t put a piece of plastic up myself and say that it’s great. You can still get yourself whatever you want, you can use dildos, I don’t care. But I want my first time to be you, 100% you.” Steve let out all at once, and let out a deep breath, shutting his eyes tightly to avoid buckys gaze. He really hoped he hadn’t disappointed Bucky, that’s the last thing he wanted.  
————  
Bucky knew he was fibbing and once he started talking he understood immediately. He listened to Steve speak and he felt a little blossom of warmth spread through his chest that Steve wanted him to do everything. That he would trust him enough with that. He leans forward a little and presses his lips gently to Steve's forehead, letting them linger there a little while before laying another soft kiss on the side of his nose before pulling back so he didn't crowd Steve or edge him into being Uncomfortable. "I'm not upset at all, Stevie. Quite the opposite really. I just.. I'm worried about you. I don't want to hurt you when we do this and I'm afraid that if you don't have at least a little practice that it will hurt more than it needs to." He wished they didn't have to do it at all. He knew deep down Steve had no desire whatsoever to have sex with him and it really wouldn't bother him at all if that was how it remained. He would stay a virgin his whole life if it meant Steve was Content. Really it was dumb that he had to fuck him anyway. It wasn't like Steve was going to get pregnant from this so what was the point of making them fuck?  
————-  
Steve shut his eyes and leaned into the kisses. He knew Bucky was worried about him, he could just tell by the way the other man was reacting.   
Steve didn’t care if their first time would hurt, he just didn’t want to touch himself. He wouldn’t do that, it seemed wrong, uncomfortable... “I don’t care if it hurts Bucky. You could spend more time yknow... fingers...” Steve mumbled the last part uncomfortably and started fidgeting with His fingers more.   
He knew Bucky just wanted the best for him, he knew that, but he couldn’t use these toys, it felt wrong to use them. Steve chewed on his lip nervously and started tapping his foot lightly on the ground.  
————  
Bucky nods and gives him a quick and gentle peck on the lips. "You're nuts if you ever thought for one moment that I wouldn't spend a long time gettin you ready. I'll spend hours working with you until you're relaxed enough that it won't hurt. I promise." He could at least do that for Steve. He would never even dream of rushing something like this that could have such a negative impact on their relationship and the rest of their lives if he screwed it up. He wanted Steve to enjoy having sex with Him, not have it ruin everything he was working so hard to build and solidify between them. "I'll tell you what. I'll get myself that dildo and if you ever wanna use it you always have full access, okay?" He gives Steve's hand a quick squeeze before separating from him, going back to prowling the isles so people wouldn't get suspicious of his corner conversation.  
————-  
Steve blushed bright red and nodded. That would probably be a good way to do things, he doubted that he’d ever use it, but it was nice that he had the option. Steve followed Bucky through the isles once more, waiting for Bucky to pick one of the dildos out. He was still pretty nervous in the store, it was weird seeing all the things that the store offered. Steve was pretty sure he even saw a sign for blowjobs somewhere... He shuddered at the thought and wrapped his arms around his torso. While all of it was very intimidating, Steve had to admit that the smaller butt plugs did interest him...   
“Bucky, can I actually... can I get one of the small plugs That they have?” He asked timidly and looked down at the ground.  
————-  
Bucky was eyeing up a few different length and width of toys for himself when he heard Steve's timid question. He looks up at him and gives a gentle and encouraging smile. "Sure thing Steve. You can grab whatever you want and I'll be happy to get it for you." He offers and sets one of the three down, deciding against it and leaving it up to the other two. He purses his lips a bit before shrugging and taking both. A little variety never hurt. It was honestly a bit odd how just.. unaffected by Everything he was for being a virgin himself. But really it was all just a part of Bucky's charm, able to keep his cool in any situation. He holds both fake dicks in one hand and the bottle of lube in the other, checking on Steve to see how his selection was coming along.  
————-  
Steve wandered back over to the plugs and looked at the small ones, that were no bigger than two finger. There was very few in that size so he just shrugged and grabbed a random black one, not even bothering to realize it had a light blue gem at the base of it. He held the package in his hand, trying to hide it, and made his way back to Bucky, and quickly handed the plug to him.   
“Just wanted a small one.” He mumbled and looked down. He was still pretty flustered.  
————  
Bucky takes the offered package and nods, not even looking at it himself. It was Steve's, not his, and he saw no need to evaluate his husbands selection. "Ready to go? I'm sure winter has about had it with being tied up on the street. I'm amazed the old devil hasn't broken himself free yet." He muses as he puts a hand on Steve's lower back to guide him towards the register. He was just talking to distract Steve and keep him grounded and calm since he could feel the anxiety and discomfort rolling Off the blond in waves. "You can go wait outside by him if you'd like." He offers, giving Steve an out so he didn't have to face the cashier. "Give this to him." He digs a small carrot out of his pocket and hands it to Steve with an understanding smile.  
————-  
Steve nodded gratefully and took the carrot, making his way outside and back to winter. Halfway there, a man walked up to him, backing him against the wall. Steves hands started shaking nervously and he looked at the dark haired man who was standing in front of him. 

“look at you. Such a pretty little thing.” The man hummed with a smirk and rested his hand on the other side of steves head. 

Steve took in a shakey breath and looked away from the man, only to have his face pulled back to face The man again. “I am the princes consort...” Steve said, trying to warn the man, but only succeeded in sounded terrified.   
Whoever this man was, he didn’t seem to be a very good man.  
————  
Bucky laid the objects on the counter, digging his wallet out again and making uncomfortable small talk with the cashier, chuckling nervously as he paid. His head lifts up and he squints out the tinted window when he heard the loud neighing of a horse, followed by shouts and panicked hustle sounds from the street. "Ah shit. That would be my horse." Without even needing to see he knew that distinct whinny anywhere. He felt anxiety suddenly spike up in his own chest. He'd sent Steve out alone.. Had Winter only been putting up with Steve in Bucky's presence out of fear? Was he freaking out over something else? Bucky rushed the checkout process along and grabs his bag, running out the door in a hurry. He takes off and sees Winter shake his head hard enough to break the halter ties and charge toward a building where two people stood. He didn't see Steve anywhere.. until he saw the blond hair of the man being held against the building. "Hey! What the fuck!" Bucky calls as he joins his Horse in the charge. Screw being polite and royal- someone had their hands on his Steve!  
————  
Steve saw Bucky approaching rapidly, with an angry look on his face and he sighed in relief. Clearly the man hadn’t noticed nor heard Bucky though, because he slipped his hand around steves waist, to his butt. Steve whimpered and tried looking away again.

The man chuckled and squeezed steves butt. “C’mon, doll. I just wanna have a good time with you. Word on the street is that you’re damn good. At least that’s what all the warriors are saying. Apparently you just give it to anyone, spread your legs like a little whore, no care for your husband at all.” He hummed and brought his face closer to steves.

Steve shut his eyes tightly and clenched his fists, breathing heavily. “I’m not some whore! I am a prince, the princes consort, you will respect me!” He demanded and brought his fist back, and slammed it into the man’s face. He had to admit, punching someone hurt more than it really should. “You do not touch anyone like that again, if you do, I swear I will see to it that you are thrown In the deepest, darkest dungeons that hydra has, with absolutely no remorse!”

The man growled and spit at Steve. “You little bitch!” He said and gripped Steve by the throat.  
————  
Bucky cursed every bit of distance that was between him and Steve as he watched the man grope at Steve's ass. He felt a swell of pride in his chest when Steve punched the guy but that turned quickly to anger when there was a hand around his husbands throat. "Hey!!" He yells again, trying to attract the mans attention and get it away from Steve so the man wouldn't hurt him any further.   
Turns out that was pretty unnecessary since Winter got there first and wasted no time with rearing up on his Back legs and striking out with his front hooves, knocking the man to the ground with a solid hit to the diaphragm. Frankly the guy would be lucky if he even had one rib that wasn't broken.   
The horse stood beside Steve, snorting violently and nosing at the blonds head, lipping at his hair. The whole thing had felt like it had been hours but really it's been a little less than a minuet for it all to go down.   
Bucky finally gets to Steve's side, completely winded. He puts a hand carefully on The side of Steve's face and holds him there carefully. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you at all? I'm sorry Steve Jesus Christ I had no idea that would.. fuck." He breathes out between clenched teeth, looking more upset by the minuet.  
———-  
Steve felt tears well up in his eyes and his throat hurt terribly from the man grabbing it. He knew he’d have a hand shaped bruise there tomorrow. “Let’s go.” Steve mumbled numbly and looked down. He didn’t want to stay any longer. He wanted to be back in his comfy bed, with no one to bother him.   
“Please, let’s just leave.” He said again and climbed onto winter and rested his hands on the horses back. He couldn’t believe that had just happened.   
Did the warriors really call him a whore, and say That they’d slept with him? He couldn’t believe that they’d do that... then again, he was a worthless little prince from another kingdom. They would want to ruin his reputation like that. The kingdom already hated him, this would make them hate him more.  
————  
Bucky couldn't help but give a subtle but well aimed kick to the already downed man as he walks past and pulls himself into the saddle, taking handfuls of Winters mane since the horse had ripped his bridle. "Come on. Home." He says to the horse and gives a light kick to his side to get him moving. As much as he wanted to take care of Steve this was not the place to do it. He needed to get the blond home and in a safe and quiet place where he can focus completely on calming him down and being There for him. He had Winter go at a light canter to get them home as quick as possible without being reckless and he slid off his back easily when they got into the stables. He helps Steve down and gently rubs his fingers through the boys hair lovingly. "Pietro take care of Winter and have the bags sent to my office." He says calmly and steers Steve towards their room without paying much any attention to anything else.  
————-  
Steve immediately laid down in bed, all of his clothes still on, and wrapped the blankets around himself tightly. He held a pillow close to his chest and stared blankly at the wall. He was ok. Everything was ok. No one was going to hurt him here...   
“Make sure the door is locked.” He mumbled to Bucky, not bothering to look at the other man. He felt completely ridiculous. Why did he have to go and cause a scene? Had he just been polite, the man probably would’ve left him alone after just a moment. This is why he didn’t leave the room. Bad things happened when he left the bedroom.  
————  
Bucky followed Steve into the room but he hesitated in the doorway, unsure if he should leave Steve alone for a few moments or if the younger male wanted him there. He took the request to lock the door as a sign he was wanted there and he moved fully into the room, shutting the door and using both the knob lock and the deadbolt lock to keep him and Steve completely alone. He slowly moves towards the bed and sits at the edge of it. "It's okay Stevie. He's not gonna get you. No one can get you in Here. You're safe and in here and it not going to let anything happen to you, okay?" He keeps his voice soft and mellow, not really looking at Steve or making any moves to touch him. He didn't know what the other man needed from him but he would be happy to do anything in the world he could for him, even if that was just to sit here quietly and guard him.  
————  
“Ok.” He shrugged and continued to stare at the wall. “Maybe we shouldn’t get married. Everyone thinks I’m a whore, you wouldn’t want to marry a whore.” Steve said numbly, refusing to look anywheres near Bucky. “I’ll just ruin your reputation. I’ll go back to shield and deal with my punishment.” He added. It was true, buckys reputation would be ruined with any of the warriors, possibly other people as well. Steve just messed everything up, didn’t he?  
————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve just finished writing the wedding, so, that’ll be coming soon ;)


	17. Trigger warning- minor abuse, suicide attempt, drug use, self harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so so so sorry it’s been awhile! We’ve still been working on writing this but it’s on a small hold until about April due to Alix’s schooling. We are NOT giving up on this story, I promise.   
> I hope you all enjoy!

Bucky's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Steve honey I know we're treating this like a real relationship now but.. it's still not really our choice. We have to get married. There's no getting out of it. I'm glad we have what we do, and that we are together but.." he sighs. "My reputation doesn't matter to me. You know that. I'm already not very popular around here because I'm 'too nice to be trusted'. Once the kingdom is in our hands we can work on reversing the damage done to our image but for Now the best we can do is smile and grit our teeth through it. Once people get to know you and see how brilliant and sweet you are they will love you but for now we're going to have to just get through it. And we will. It's gonna pass, baby. It'll be rough but we're gonna get through it."  
————  
“I am a whore and that will not change. Your whole kingdom sees me that way. There’s rumors, I spread my legs for every man I see. Your kingdom will never love me, I’m not one of you.” He said and finally glanced over at Bucky, with an unimpressed look. “It isn’t fully our choice, but if we decide we can’t do it, I’ll go home and be punished. It’s simple as that. I’ll be flogged, locked away for a bit, starved for a bit, probably other things, but it’s better than putting you through hell.”  
————  
"Better for you or better for me?" He asks with an arched eyebrow, annoyance clearly plastered on his face now. "Because I don't see how that is the better option for anyone. You really think this is hell? Jesus Christ, Steve. You really don't know me at all. This is the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. You coming here and knowing that you're my husband has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. Jesus I haven't even touched my anti depressant meds since like the first week You lived with me. And if you think that letting you go, especially with knowing that you're going to be tortured for it, is going to be doing me any favors at all then you're fucked in the head, alright?"  
————  
Steve winced, then whimpered slightly, looking away from Bucky. “I know my heads messed up, you don’t need to tell me!” He snapped and pulled the blankets up higher around his body, attempting to hide the best he could. All Steve wanted to do was go to sleep, and forget anything ever happened.  
“Maybe next time you say someone’s head is messed up, you should try and think about what they go through daily.” Steve muttered and shut his eyes tightly, waiting for a slap across the face for talking back.  
————  
Bucky makes a sound that was halfway between a frustrated scream and a groan, dropping his head into his hands and ripping at his hair. "Fuck." He growls and stands up, wobbling on his feet a little. "I'm going to go take a shower. The door is locked and no one will get in but Sam is around too just in case. Don't expect to see me the rest of the night." He blurts out in a rush as he hurries towards the bathroom door, head down and heart beating a jagged and painful rhythm in his chest. He felt Almost for certain like he was dying. He couldn't believe he had said that. The words had come out of his mouth so fast he hadn't even had the time to think them through. He and Sam and Nat always slammed one another for being 'mental' that for him it wasn't even something he thought about. He turns the water on and stands under the spray still in his clothes, tears running silently down his face before he slams his forehead against the tile wall hard enough to send shock waves through his body. It hurt but not near as much as knowing that he had hurt Steve.  
————-  
Steve let out a hurt laugh and shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes again. He couldn’t believe Bucky. He says something hurtful then leaves like Steve did something wrong.   
Steve got out of bed and threw the door open, storming out of their room to aimlessly wander around the castle in frustration. Screw Bucky, calling him messed up right after Steve was already hurt. Steve let out a frustrated scream and continued storming through the castle, not having anywhere in particular in mind. However, Steve realized his mistake when he didn’t recognize where he was. Steve didn’t really know his way around the castle yet, he was lost.  
————  
Bucky had no idea what was happening outside. He had figured the blond wouldn't be so overly eager to leave the room after what had happened so he hadn't exactly posted anyone on baby sitting duty. Luckily Sam had been doing his evening patrol around the halls anyway when he heard the screaming. He takes off at a jog through the halls and finds Bucky's husband easy enough. "Hey! Hey take it easy Steve. Settle down bud, it's alright.." he says in a calming and placating tone as he approaches the Trembling blond with his hands up in surrender, face a carefully schooled mask of calm. He'd handled enough of Bucky's mental breakdowns to recognize how close to being unhinged this man was. He also, thankfully, knew how to help pull people down off the edge because of all his experiences with it. "Steve. Calm down buddy, take some deep breaths with me, okay?"  
————  
“Leave me alone!” Steve yelled and pulled away from Sam, tears openly spilling down his face at this point. He was shaking fiercely and ran his fingers through his hair. “Leave me alone, leave me alone, Leave me alone.” He mumbled and started pacing. He could feel do this, he couldn’t be hurt how he was earlier, then scolded by Bucky. He couldn’t do this.   
“Tell Bucky he doesn’t have to worry about me, I’m fine, and I’ll be at the stupid cottage by myself.” Steve told Sam and started walking off, attempting to find the nearest exit. He just wanted to leave, but he was completely and utterly lost. He’d just wander and find a random exit, then walk to where he thought the cottage was. He saw some of the kingdom on the way in- he could just follow all of that backwards, to the cottage.  
—————  
Sam was many things but an idiot was not one of them. "I'm not gonna let you do that Steve." He says firmly, still not touching the boy but planting himself firmly in front of him so there was no way he could get around. "You are on the edge of hysteria and I don't feel safe with letting you wander off to no damn cabin on your own." Direct and honest, as always. "So how about you come with me. We'll go to the library and I'll make you some tea and you can calm down then explain to me what Happened and why your boy isn't down here fixing his mess himself." He says firmly but with an encouraging smile. He knew something had happened between them but he would let Steve talk on his own terms. All he could do right now was try to keep him out of harms way until he settled down a bit.  
————  
“You want to know what he did? See this bruise on my throat? That happened, I was upset about it, and he said I have a fucked up head! I was choked and called a whore by a random man and I’m messed up!” Steve exploded, actually swearing for once. “So help me god, Sam, get out of my way!” He yelled and tried pushing past Sam. “I want to go to the cabin and have some peace, no one will find me there, no one can hurt me! Please!” He begged Sam and continued pushing against the stronger male.   
All Steve wanted was to go to the cabin to calm down, but he couldn’t get to the cabin, and he felt himself start to breathe faster. Steve gripped Sam’s shirt tightly and stopped fighting him. “If you want to talk, you will bring me to the cabin. Do you understand?” He said in a slightly hysterical voice.  
————  
The guard stood his ground as Steve shoved against him but in his mind he was already back in Bucky's room beating the shit out of the young prince for his ignorance. Barnes was going to be hearing about this one. "Alright." He says softly, putting his arms carefully around Steve's sides to bracket him and support him if his legs gave out like they seemed. "We can go to the cabin. But I'm staying with you the whole time. Not letting something happen to you on my watch. Just cause Bucky is being A shithead doesn't mean he won't kill me if something were to happen to you." He says confidently and takes Steve's arm, slowly and patiently leading him towards the stables to grab horses. Sam had Pietro tack his roan stallion Redwing up and gives Winter a weary look. "I suppose you'd want to take him? Redwing's not big on carrying two people at a time."  
————  
Steve nodded and had pietro tack up winter for him, then climbed onto the horse. “Tell Bucky I’m fine, if he asks you.” Steve mumbled to pietro.   
He was still upset, but not nearly as hysterical as before. Knowing he would be out of the kingdom made him feel much much better.   
The ride wasn’t all that long, it was just one long road leading to the small cabin, so Steve made winter pick up the pace to get them there faster.   
“He was showering. Didn’t want to see me the rest of the night.” Steve ended up mumbling to Sam as they both got the horses taken care of before going inside. “I was attacked by a man, but Bucky got upset with /me./ I don’t know what I did. I thought he cared about me, but he’s mad at me for being upset by the situation?” Steve mumbled, absolutely positive that Bucky must be mad at him. He had to have been.  
————  
The bleach blond haired male tilts his head a little, uncertain what had happened and looked at Sam for answers, receiving a shrug in return. "I will alert him that you are with Mr Wilson." He says as he tightens the girth around the belly of a surprisingly mellow Winter, the usually twitchy horse sensing something was wrong and not giving him a difficult time.   
Sam rode a little behind Steve, keeping an eye on the blond as they made their way out of the castle walls and through the outskirts of The village to the cabin located just outside Hydra territory. He wasn't actually expecting Steve to start talking so easily but he listened with attentive ears as he rubs Redwing down to settle him from the ride. "Are you sure he's angry with you? I don't doubt at all that James is a little bucket of fire right now but are you certain that it is directed at you? Bucky has a habit of misplacing his aggression so he can be pissed at all the world besides one thing and he will take his anger out On that one good thing. He doesn't mean to, he just is honest shit at handling his emotions. I've been his friend and unofficial counselor for years. I know how he works."  
————  
Steve walked into the cabin, Sam behind him, and immediately curled up on the couch. “He has to be mad. Why wouldn’t he be? I disrespected him, I made a fool of him. I have absolutely ruined the reputation he had, I’m known as a whore throughout hydra. He has to be mad. I was expecting to be hit, I was pleasantly surprised when he only said my head is messed up.” Steve mumbled and pulled a blanket down from the back of the couch.  
Steve thought that Bucky should have been mad at him. Perhaps he wasn’t, maybe Steve was imagining it all- but Bucky /should/ be mad. Steve was sure.  
————  
Sam gives a long suffering sigh and locks the door behind him, pulling the blinds shut so they were isolated entirely in the cabin. "Let me let you in on a little secret here. Bucky doesn't give a rats ass about anything. That's his secret to success now. He used to care way too much and he's got the scars all up and down his arms to prove it but now he's figured out that he's not going to have everyone love him, especially not when he's an angel living in the bowls of hell and he has long since Stopped beating himself up over worrying weather people like him or not. His 'reputation' has already long since shit the bed when he found unconscious in his room after trying to OD at 17. Nothing you do is going to make anything any worse on him. So I promise that if you think he's mad about that- he isn't. He's mad that people are talking about you where they have no right to be opening their mouths and he's pissed at the lies surrounding someone he cares about."  
————  
“He took it out on me.” Steve whimpered and looked to Sam pathetically. Steve winced when Sam said that Bucky overdosed at 17- he had never known that.   
“I didn’t know he overdosed.” Steve said quietly and looked down. He probably seemed like a complete dick himself, now. He didn’t take buckys feelings into consideration, only his own.   
“I’m so sorry Sam. I’m terrible, I didn’t think about Bucky... I just thought about being hurt myself, and ignored him...” he mumbled and reached up and pressed his fingers lightly against the developing hand shaped bruise on his throat. “I was just so hurt my the man in the town, once we got to our room I paid Bucky no mind. I just started speaking nonsense and hurt Bucky... I told him I’d go to shield so I couldn’t ruin him anymore.”  
————  
Sam lets out a soft and slow breath. "Yeah that'll do it. He was probably already strung up enough from all that and then hearing that you wanted to leave him sent him over the edge. I'm sure he's realized what he's done by now and is planning a hundred different ways to apologize and make it up to you." He says as he sets a pot of water on the stove to make them hot drinks. "James means well. He has a hell of a time acting on how he feels most of the time but his heart is just too big for this Shitty kingdom and these horrible people that don't deserve him as their leader. He can never make himself be the asshole they want him to be and he's suffered all his life for that." He sighs.  
————  
Steve sniffled and nodded. “I thought he hurt me, but I hurt him.” He said pathetically and held the blanket tightly to his body. He felt absolutely terrible.   
“I didn’t mean to, Sam. You should just go back to him. He needs you more than me, please just go take care of him.” Steve begged him and sat upright on the couch. He needed to know that Bucky was ok, he could hurt himself...   
“I’ll be fine, please Sam, make sure buckys ok, what if he hurts himself? I could never live with myself if he...”  
————  
"He won't. That motherfucker knows better then to try that shit again." Sam's excessive cursing and fidgety behavior suggested otherwise from his firm sounding words. He wanted to believe that Bucky was serious about being over his addiction issues and that he wasn't going to hurt himself again but he also wasn't stupid enough to miss the way the other mans eyes sometimes still fogged over and lingered a bit too long on knives and swords. "I'm not going to let you here alone, Steve. You're at Least coherent again but I have absolutely no reason to believe that you're not just playing me to leave you alone so that you can go ahead and off yourself. Besides, it's not me he needs to talk to. And if I go back there and tell him that I left you alone in the middle of the woods after this he might just loose it and combust completely. Either we both stay here tonight and face the music in the morning or we go back together now. Your choice."  
————  
“You get Bucky and bring him here! I’ll be fine for 30 minutes!” Steve told him and pouted. He was worried about Bucky now, he wouldn’t put it past the other man to do something. “You’re worries about him too. Go get him and bring him to me. I’ll be fine, really. Just please make sure he’s safe. I never knew he had such a bad suicidal past until now, I want to know he’s safe after what I’ve done to him! If he dies, it’s my fault.” Steve said worriedly and got up off the couch to go over to stand Next to Sam.  
“Please.” He whimpered and looked at the man with a sad look in his eyes. “You know him better than me, you tell me if you think he’s safe. I sure don’t think he is now.”  
———  
"If he's still got that damn bag of coke hidden under the nightstand that he pretends we don't know about then he's the farthest thing from safe he can be." He says slowly, maintaining eye contact with the blond. "But I'm still not leaving you. Worst case scenario I'm not going to loose both of you in the same night, alright? Bucky knows what he's doing. And if he really wants to throw himself off the fucking wagon again than that's his shit. There's nothing anyone is going to be able to do to Stop him once he sets his mind to it."  
————  
“Coke?” Steve said in a small, broken voice. He had no idea about all of this... “Sam, we need to go find him. I messed up, I messed up bad. I can’t believe I made you leave him alone, I’m such a selfish bastard! He’s so much worse off than I am...” Steve said brokenly and started pacing the room. He couldn’t believe himself, he was so selfish and rude. He deserved to be flogged at this point.   
“Please Sam, I made this stupid mess, if he gets hurt, it’s my fault. It’ll be on me. I can’t handle that. I can’t be responsible for something like that.”  
————  
Sam looks at Steve, at the door and then back before reaching out and grabbing a hold of his shoulders tightly. "I'm going to go. I don't know what I'm going to find when I get back there but if I'm not back by sunup tomorrow assume something happened. In that case I will either send someone to come get you or inform you what has happened. If you do anything stupid while I am gone- even if I don't come back all night- I will be so fucking pissed you will wish you were still dealing with Bucky." He says as he unlocks the door and pulls his riding boots on tighter around his feet. He didn't feel good about this at all but he knew Steve was right. The longer Bucky was alone the more the odds went up that there wouldn't be much left of him to find later. Especially once he figured out that Steve wasn't there anymore. Sam untied Redwing and pulls himself up, glaring at where Steve stood in the doorway. "I mean it. Don't you do a damn thing to yourself Rogers."  
————  
Steve nodded and watched as Sam rode off to find Bucky. He locked the door back up once he couldn’t see Sam anymore and sat down on the couch, nervously tapping his foot on the ground. He sure hoped Sam didn’t find anything bad once he got home.

Sam climbed off of redwing and tossed the reigns to a very confused looking pietro, and started running through the castle. He ran up to the bedroom doors, breathing heavily from the long run, and grabbed his key to the room from his pocket, and Unlocked the door hesitantly. “Hey buddy, it’s Sam, I got your boy. Don’t worry about him, he’s ok. I’m checking up on you for him. Will you come out and talk?” He said quietly and took a step into the room.  
————  
Bucky was laying flat on his back on the floor, hands folded neatly on his belly and white bandages wrapped tightly around his wrists with little traces of red leaking through. His eyes were open and he didn't appear to be alive until he turns his head and blinks slowly, looking at Sam with a deep frown. "I know you're lyin. He don't give a shit. He wants to fuckin leave, let 'im. Nothin I say matters to him unless I say the wrong fucking thing then it fucking sticks. He don't care." Bucky was Obviously not in his right mind- weather it was because of drugs or pain, or just pure exhaustion was still up for debate though. There didn't appear to be any paraphernalia laying around and normally Bucky managed to act a lot more energetic and happy when he was hyped up on the coke so this mopey behavior was actually a somewhat encouraging sign.  
————  
Sam clenched his jaw and sat on the ground next to Bucky. “You listen to me, James. He was just as messed up as you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he jumped off a damn bridge while I’m gone. But that boy, he cares about you. You both need each other. You’re the same fuckin way as him, pal. We can tell you a million things, but nothing sticks until it’s something hurtful. You realize, he got choked out and heard some hurtful shit, he was already messed up, and so he tried to please you, only for you to tell him he’s fucked up. You need to get over yourself right this second because I’m not dealing with this how I did a few years back. I refuse to lose my best friend, my partner in crime. So please, get up, let me clean you, and come to the damn cabin with me, back to Steve. I want you two to talk it out in a neutral setting, somewhere I can be if things go wrong.” Sam said sternly and stood, offering his hand to Bucky. “We’re going to fix this. Both of you are in the wrong here, and clearly need an adult- me, to come save the day. Now hurry your ass up before we find your husband in this state.” He sighed and went to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit. He was so used to cleaning Bucky up at this point, it was sad. The boy was so tortured, and took it all out on himself. “Grab That Coke when you come this way. I’m getting rid of that bullshit, understand?” Sam added.  
————  
Bucky stares blankly at Sam when the man crouched beside him and he reluctantly takes his hand, letting his friend pull him to his unsteady feet, stumbling around a little and struggling to keep himself upright without Sam's support. He was a little lightheaded from blood loss. Things hadn't seemed so bad until they got into the bathroom where blood was still coating the walls and the floor. Bucky had been too hurt and dizzy to clean up like he normally did. He must have nicked an artery from How much blood there was. "Didn't take the coke. I toldja 'm fucking clean, man. I don't have any left." He was lying and they both knew it.  
————  
Sam spun around angrily and pushed Bucky back against the wall. “I’m not playing. Get me the fucking Coke, now. I swear to god Bucky, I will stay here and argue about this as long as you’d like. Just remember every minute arguing with your dumbass is another minute away from Steve, who could potentially off himself. Get your shit in order, and get me the coke.” He growled and pulled away to start cleaning up the messy bathroom. He really was not having anyone’s shit tonight. He wanted the two Idiots to be back with each other to work out what happened during the day. He wasn’t playing though, he wanted that Coke, and wouldn’t leave until Bucky handed it over to him.  
————  
The young prince stumbles back and falls against the wall when he was pushed. "Fuck off Sam." He huffs and pulls himself off the wall, standing there for a moment before going back to the bedroom. "Steve probably doesn't want to see me anyway. But because you were fucking stupid enough to leave him alone I suppose I have to go." He pulls his coat on from the floor and tucks it around his shoulders, grabbing a bag of the white powder from where it had been taped up under the dresser and shoving It deep into the zippered pocket in the lining of his coat where it was impossible to tell it was hidden. "You just better hope that he's not dead." He starts to walk/stumble down the hall towards the stables.  
————  
Sam gripped buckys shoulders and shoved a hand in buckys coat pocket, grabbing the baggie, and put it in his own pocket. “You’re a fucking dumbass. Let’s go.” He growled and started dragging Bucky off, and decided to take striker instead of redwing, striker could hold more weight.   
After they both mounted the horse, Sam started riding off at a fast pace.

Steve was pacing the room once again, and running his fingers through his hair nervously. He was unbelievably scared after finding out more about buckys self destructive past. He worried he had driven Bucky to do something horrible to himself. If that happened, Steve could never live with himself.  
———  
Bucky contemplated taking a swing at Sam after the man reached in his pocket and took his drugs but the nagging thought and fear in the back of his mind that Steve may be hurting himself was too much for him to waste time with a fight he knew he wasn't going to win in his current state. It wasn't like he didn't have the money to go buy another few 'just in case' grams. It really wasn't a big deal at all. He was more annoyed by the inconvenience of it now than anything else. He gets up on Striker And lets Sam hold the reigns, him just holding onto the other mans side as they raced off towards the cabin where he'd spent his first night with Steve, worried about what he would find. He was a pretty quick healer and he was already getting more clarity of mind as the cold breeze woke him up as they ran.  
————  
Steve could hear the thumping of a horse riding up and his breath caught in his throat. He stopped pacing the room and just stared right at the door, almost fearfully.   
He heard the door start to be unlocked and his hands started shaking slightly.


	18. Trigger warning, self harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, very sorry about posting slowly but me and Alix don’t have much time to write due to his schooling. I promise we’ll be writing and posting more soon. Summer time will pick back up a lot.

When the door opened, he threw himself at Bucky.   
“Screw you for not telling me about how bad your past was! I’m so sorry- Bucky what did you do?” Steve cut himself off when he noticed the bandage wrapped arms, and he backed away in horror. He made Bucky do that. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” He said, his voice cracking slightly. “I made you do this, oh god... I can’t believe- I’m so sorry Bucky.” He really did believe that he deserved to be flogged.  
————  
Bucky didn't know what he expected when he opened the cabin door but being nearly knocked off his feet by Steve's hug certainly wasn't on the list though he was remarkably grateful for it. He makes a soft grunting sound as he catches and holds Steve's body tight against his until the teen pulled back forcefully. His mind was reeling and he could see Steve's lips move and he knew the blond was talking to him but his ears were ringing a little and he really couldn't hear what was being said. He Grimaces a little and rubs his temple softly. "Steve. Slow down. Talk a little slower for me here pal. My heads not keepin up with it." He pleads gently and takes a step closer to Steve, unsure why the hug had stopped.  
————  
“I did that to you.” Steve said and his lower lip trembled. He was a monster, he made Bucky harm himself again.   
“I made you hurt yourself, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry Bucky.” Steve wiped some tears from his face as he spoke, and he was still shaking pretty badly. “I was being selfish, I’m sorry Bucky, I understand if you’re mad at me, I’m a monster, I made you do this to yourself.” He said barely above a whisper.  
————  
Now he could hear the words but they weren't making any sense. Surely he was imagining things? "Your fault?" He repeats slowly to make sure he had hear that right. "You.. no. It's not you. You didn't do this. I did." He insists as he inches closer to Steve and holds his hands out in a peacemaking gesture. He strained to hear his whispered voice and his frown only deepens. "Steve no." He insists again. "You're not a monster. You didn't do anything. None of this is your fault."  
————  
“I upset you to the point of you hurting yourself.” Steve whimpered and glanced at Bucky. The man looked so worn down.   
“I’m terrible for you, all I do is hurt you.” Steve said quietly and moved back to sit on the couch. He put his head in his hands and shook his head.   
“I’m so sorry Bucky. I can’t believe I made you...”  
————  
"You didn't make me do anything." He insists as he slowly makes his way to the couch to sit beside him. "I did this to myself because.. I dunno cause I'm fuckin dumb or whatever." He lets out a frustrated huff of air at himself. "It was not your fault and I don't want you blaming yourself for this." He takes a careful seat next to Steve but respectfully doesn't touch him. "It's not really a big deal. I'm fine Stevie. I promise I am." He leans against the back of the couch and lets his eyes Flutter closed for a moment. "Yknow how you can help make it better though?" He finally asks after a moment of quiet. "You can give me one of your nice warm hugs and let me hold you because I know I messed up and honestly I really just need to know that you're okay and I selfishly want to be held right now." He admits boldly to the other. Asking for things for himself was not Bucky's strong suit but he really just wanted a hug and to be reassured that things were going to be okay.  
————  
Steve chewed on his lip for a moment before nodding and climbing over into buckys lap. Steve wrapped his arms tightly around Bucky and rested his head on the other princes chest.   
“You didn’t mess up, Bucky. It’s ok. I’m ok. We’re fine. We’re both just a little banged up.” He cooed softly and kissed buckys chest. He really did still feel bad about everything that happened.   
“Bucky, I do need to talk to you about a few things though. Nothing to do with our relationship, I just want to know more about a few things.” Steve said hesitantly.  
—————  
As soon as Steve was in his lap Bucky hugs him close and lays his cheek against the boys soft blond hair, breathing in deep lungfuls of his familiar and comforting scent. He felt a lot of tension go out of his own body and everything stopped hurting so much once Steve was holding him. He clings to the words the other spoke and nods, trying to make himself listen and believe them. He was still shaking a little but Steve was too and they were a mess together. It was okay. He tilts his head a little curiously and nods. "Sure Steve. What is it?"  
————  
Steve took in a breath and looked into buckys eyes. “You tried killing yourself at 17, and you’re a cocaine addict.” Steve stated and tried his best to stay calm.   
“You didn’t tell me about either of those things. I know you aren’t that suicidal anymore or I would’ve already known, but I do think you probably still want to be on the Coke. That doesn’t just fade away. I want you to talk to me about all of this, tell me the full unabashed truth. Don’t hold anything back, just talk. Tell me how you got addicted, and why you tried to kill yourself.” Steve said boldly.  
—————  
Bucky felt his heart drop to the soles of his feet and he lets out a soft growl. "Jesus Christ did fucking Sam tell you that?" His blood was running cold and he felt like he couldn't breathe again. He had never planned on telling Steve that. The blond knew he was messed up but he never wanted him to know just how deep that ran. "That was not his place to talk. He never, ever, should have said anything about that." He would be having serious words and possibly a few good punches thrown with him Later. Fuck Sam for telling Steve that. For making him worry. That at least explained why the blond had been freaking out so bad when he'd gotten here.  
————-  
“We are not talking about him. We’re talking about you and the secrets you’ve kept from me. Have I kept anything important from you? I have not, you know everything about me. You know I’ve been suicidal my whole life, you know my thighs are scattered with cuts. You know everything about me bucky, but apparently I know nothing about you.” Steve said, somewhat pissed off. “I want you to tell me everything now, Bucky. I can’t put up with these secrets for a moment longer, you’ve kept so much... so stop talking about Sam right now, and tell me everything!” He demanded and glared slightly at Bucky. “All I want is for us to be honest with each other- please Bucky, be honest with me.”  
————  
Bucky looks at Steve and takes a deep and weary breath. He couldn't fight it anymore. "Alright. Fine. Yes I tried to kill myself when I was 17. Yes I was addicted to cocaine and yes i do still think about it all the time. You want the truth, Steve? The truth is that I don't want to be here. I don't want to live. I don't care if I live or die and I put on a hell of a nice front about getting better and healing and whatever bullshit I've been spewing at Sam and Nat for years now since the overdose But the fucking truth is that it's all bullshit." His voice had an edge to it that made it shake and tremor, cracking softly towards the end. "Every fucking day I think how easy it would be to just start using again. The urge doesn't go away. Everytime I even look at baking flour I have to fight to control myself because I want it bad enough. I'm a mess Steve. A complete and total fucking train-wreak and I never wanted you to see that."  
————  
Steve felt a few tears slip down his face as he listened to Bucky. “You don’t have to put on a front about all of this, not with me. I won’t judge you, I won’t do any of that, I’ll be here to listen and help. You think your the only one of us wanting to kill themselves after saying they’re fine? Well you aren’t, i still think about dying every damn day Bucky! I may not be an addict, I may not have had the guts to try and kill myself, but I know what you’re going through. I’m here to help you, and you keeping all that inside isn’t helping. I’m here to listen, and I’m here to take care of you. You’re my life, my sun, my stars, my whole galaxy! I’m here for you, and you need to understand that. There will be no more secrets, no sneaking around, no hiding things, ok? I’m yours and you’re mine, we need to work on trust, but if you keep hiding things? That trust will never exist- ever.” Steve said, wanting Bucky to understand everything he’s feeling and thinking.  
————  
Bucky could feel the warm and wet tears falling down his cheeks as he silently cries listening to Steve, a soft and sad sob escaping his lips when Steve said that he was his life. That was really all Bucky ever wanted was just to matter to someone. With his whole life filled with never being good enough and feeling the backlash of never being what people wanted him to be the only thing that he ever desired was to be needed and cared for as he was. "I know, Steve. I know you are for right now but you don't want to be here. You want to leave and I know one day I won't be able to keep you and I'm going to be alone again. I know that it's coming and I'm doing a horrible job of trying to make you happy enough to stay. I don't blame you for wanting to go I know this life is complete fucking shit but I selfishly don't want to let you go. That's just how I am and I'm sorry. You can go if you want. I'll figure something out to cover for you. Don't go back to Shield. Take Winter and go to Asgard. I used to be friends with the prince there, Thor. He will take you in and hide you away if you explain what happened and give him a message from me." he steels his voice up and forced himself to stop crying. He would let Steve go if he wanted to leave. He would save that boys soul if he could.  
————  
Steve shook his head and sighed. “I am not leaving. I hate hydra but I will not leave you. Understand?” He practically growled and gave Bucky a pointed look. “You are my husband and the first person who has ever showed me any form of care and love, I would never leave that. Never leave you.” Steve told him sincerely, upset that Bucky would tell him to go like that.   
“I’m yours, I’ll be yours forever, ok? That means I’m here through the thick and thin. We don’t just abandon Each other. I love you, bucky! I do, I really really do. Why would I leave you?” Steve questioned and brought his hand up to rest on buckys cheeks, and wiped the tears off of his cheeks.  
————  
Bucky was nodding but he knew it was all a pleasant lie to cover the truth that was inevitable. Steve would only take so much for so long. "I won't leave you either Stevie. I can't." His obligation to marry Steve had nothing to do with it. Leaving the boy would be the final nail in Bucky's coffin. He would not be able to live on after that. He heard those beautiful three words come from Steve's voice and he broke down completely, sobbing hysterically as he clings to Steve for all he was worth. "I-I l-llove you t-t-oo." he sputters breathelessly and tries to make himself as small as possible so he could hide against Steve. "I love you so much Steve." he whimpers and lets his head rest in Steve's hands, sniffling as his husband wipes his tears away. All he ever wanted was to be loved.  
————  
Steve held Bucky to his chest and shushed him. “Sh, it’s ok Bucky, you don’t gotta cry. I’ve got you. I’ll be here forever if that’s what you want- you and me, were gunna be together forever, ok? I’m all yours.” Steve said quietly and rocked Bucky slightly, hoping it would calm the man.   
“I’ve got ya buck. I’m with you till the end of the line, nothing can change that. So quiet down, dry your eyes, I’m here with you.” Steve whispered and pressed kisses to buckys forehead.  
—————  
Bucky makes the most pitiful whining sound ever and lets his lips twitch upwards at Steve's promise of being there till the end of the line. "I like the sound of that Stevie. I really do." He days with a tear choked voice as he tried to follow up on his husbands orders and get himself under control. He could feel his heart racing wildly in his chest and aching in his veins where it was palpitating uncomfortably but Steve was here and he was in his arms and everything was okay. He takes a small And unsteady breath as he really concentrates on the warmth of Steve's body under his, his smooth hands against his hot face. The feeling of the other males breath against his hairline and his heartbeat under his hands. Steve was here and he wasn't going anywhere and they were going to be okay. "Thank you." He says quietly as he begins to calm down. "Thank you and I'm sorry."  
————  
Steve kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back lightly. “It’s ok Bucky, it’s ok. But c’mon, your arms are bleeding through the bandages, I need to clean you up.” Steve said softly and stood up, taking buckys hand in his own, and leaded him to the bathroom.   
“Let me take care of you like you take care of me.” He requested and started pulling out the first aid kit. He pulled the bandages off of buckys bloody arms slowly, and sucked in a breath when he saw the marred skin.   
“Jesus, Bucky.” He Gasped at what he saw. His arms were completely torn up, and bleeding all over the place.  
————  
Bucky glanced down and saw that Steve was right and he hid his face in the crook of Steve's neck in shame. He let the boy drag him to the bathroom but was going to protest it, knowing it wasn't a pretty sight but Steve had already begun unwrapping the bandages. When Bucky went at something he went hardcore. There was barely an untouched patch of skin to be seen anywhere on his wrists and well up his forearms. The gashes were deep and still steadily leaking blood. "I'm sorry Steve I-" he didn't even know what to say to defend himself here. "It's not as bad as it looks. I promise."  
————-  
Steve felt a few tears slip down his face and quickly wiped them away. He took a deep breath and started very carefully cleaning off buckys arms. When Steve saw the flesh without all of the blood, he nearly threw up at the sight. The sight seemed so much worse without the blood.   
“Oh my god...” he whimpered and had to stop and sit back, shutting his eyes tightly. “Goddammit!” He swore loudly and covered his eyes with his arms. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. “Ok, I need to give You stitches, the cuts are deep, song stop bleeding otherwise.” He said, pulling himself together. He grabbed the needle and thread from the first aid kit and brought the needle to the deepest cut on buckys arm and started stitching it back up.   
“I swear to god Bucky, if I ever catch your body with cuts on it ever again, I will not be happy. Me fixing your cut up body is a one time deal. I will not be doing this again, and you will not do this to yourself ever again.”  
————  
Bucky sat on the closed lid of the toilet and held his arms out patiently, sitting perfectly still as he let Steve evaluate it. He knew it was bad but it even made him a little queasy to look at it himself. He'd really done a hell of a number on himself this time. He winced a little as Steve pulled the needle and thread through his skin but he didn't make a sound as he lets Steve stitch him up. He did this to himself so he could sit here and endure the pain of being fixed up like a damn man. He gives a small nod and looks up at Steve with the most broken and apologetic face. "Okay Stevie. I promise I won't." and this time he would try. He would really truly try to keep that promise.  
————  
“After this I want you to go to bed. You need your rest, you tore yourself up pretty good.” Steve mumbled and moved on to stitching up the other deep cuts on Bucky. There was probably a total of 10 that needed stitching, but there had to be a good 50 smaller cuts.   
As Steve stitched Bucky up, he became so drained emotionally. He had done this to Bucky, he made the man tear his arms to shreds, he hated that he had done that to him. Steve felt as though he should have the same marks all over his arms in punishment for putting Bucky through that.   
Steve sighed and wrapped buckys arms in gauze and stood up, washing his hands off. “Go into bed, I’ll be there in a minute, I’m going to make myself a cup of tea.” Steve mumbled and walked back out to the kitchen.  
————  
Bucky didn't even want to fight Steve on that one. He was so exhasuted down to his core level that he was frankly surprised at how well he was managing to keep himself upright. He was probably just running on fumes at this point. "Only if you come with me." he finally manages to say, being firm on his dedication that he was going no where without Steve now. each stitch seemed to hurt more than the last but he endured it all in perfect silence. He watched Steve's hands methodolically clean him up and he couldn't help but think how lucky he was and how brave and wonderful Steve was. He really did love that boy more than anything. He swallows thickly when he was done and nods, slowly standing and rubbing at the bandages wrapped tightly around his arms. "Alright baby. I'll wait for you." he promises and heads off to the bedroom.  
————  
Steve leaned against the counter, shaking terribly as the teapot sat on the stove. Steve let out a sob and shook his head, tears falling rapidly from his eyes. Steve slid down to the ground, his back against the cabinets, and started crying in earnest. He heard the tea pot whistle, but he couldn’t bring himself to stand up and stop crying. He felt completely and utterly pathetic and useless. He caused Bucky so much pain.  
————  
Bucky changes out of his bloodied clothes and lays down, grateful for the soft and welcoming bed that embraced his tired body as he settles in but he refused to fall asleep until Steve was with him. He heard the tespot screaming in the kitchen and he thought it was left on for an exceedingly long period of time. He wondered if Steve had laid on the couch and fallen asleep so he gets up to investigate. He didn't seen the blond in the living room so he makes his way slowly towards the kitchen, nervous and uncertain what he would find. he was relived when he saw Steve sitting there unharmed but his heart did break at the sight of his beloved husband in tears. He comes towards him slowly and kneels in front of him, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's okay Stevie. I know everything seems kinda bad now but it's gonna be alright."  
————  
Steve immediately forced the tears to stop, and wiped his face off when he heard Bucky. He gave him a fake smile and shook his head. “Sorry, let me just get the kettle off the stove and we can go to bed.” He said shakily and stood, turning the stove off. He was still shaking as he did so and he sighed. He wiped the tears from his face once more and sniffled a bit.   
“Ok, let’s go, it’s time for bed. You’ve had a long day.” He mumbled and gave Bucky another fake smile. He just wanted Bucky to fall asleep so Steve knew he was safe.  
————  
Bucky could see right through that fake expression. He knew Steve was hurting and trying to cover it up and that hurt worse than any of the cuts on his arms ever would. "Stevie you know you don't have to lie to me, right? You want honesty out of me, but that doesn't mean you should be running around sporting fake smiles all the while. We've both had a really long and hard day and I think we need to go to sleep and wake up together and try to start tomorrow off to be a better day than today was. We can do it baby we just gotta be here for each other, okay?" He rubs Steve's arms gently and squeezes his shoulders in his surprisingly strong and steady grasp. "Come on to bed, love. I want to cuddle you and kiss you and make sure you know how much you mean to me."  
————  
“I’m ready for bed.” He mumbled and started walking towards the bedroom. He hated to say it, but he was almost dreading sleeping with Bucky tonight. He wanted time to think on his own, but at the same time, he couldn’t leave Bucky alone. Steve worried if Bucky was alone he’d try to hurt himself again.   
Steve sat on the edge of the bed and took in a deep breath. Bucky was right, they needed to sleep and try to have a better day than today. Steve laid down and pulled the blankets over himself and glanced at Bucky. “I swear, if I wake up and you’ve hurt yourself, I will personally murder you.” He warned seriously and leaned against him, shutting his eyes.  
————  
Bucky crawls into bed behind Steve and wraps himself around the other boy as he usually did, Steve's head tucked under his chin with one hand resting on Steve's hip and the other arm wound tight around his waist. He seemed content enough here. He heard Steve's threat and he smiles, nodding and pressing a soft kiss to Steve's ear. "Wouldn't dream of it sweetheart."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed. I’m still editing this, the next chapter will probably be posted Friday or Monday! (Posting dates all depends on what days I work, I promise it will be regular updates though!)


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